life is just, blah.

i turned on the computer, and while waiting for it to set up, i lay on the floor to relax my back.

and then 2 hours later i woke up, and nothing exciting has happened, just that i had dozed off.

i'm getting a taste of what life's gonna be when i'm a 70-year-old pensioner living alone in a 1-room oldies' apartment.

i have nothing much to say these days. things just happen normally.

watched titanic last night. it was a powerful film, with the opening scene and closing scene equally impactful. the cinematography was superb and the score was good, although it was tiring to hear the same refrain at every emotional scene.

i was reduced to blubbering at the end, when she had to forcefully extract herself from jack's grip and he just sank all the way down, because i was thinking of what he said to rose in the beginning, about going to america together and riding in roller coasters until they puke their guts out. if i were rose, i would've died, seeing all those unfinished dreams sinking into the north atlantic ocean.

when the movie ended i was sobbing loudly, but managed to stop. then my mom came out from the shower and asked me what she had missed, and as i related the story to her, i couldn't help but start crying again. this time i couldn't stop, and i was crying even when i was chatting with dhan, and finally i cried myself to sleep.

i woke up with the worst headache ever.

i don't recall crying so much watching a movie. i thought i cried a lot watching wuthering heights and the way home, but this, this surpasses them all.

the pictures don't fit right.

You have a twisted soul! Twisted Souls are never
bad, and actually, are a rarity amongst souls.
These souls are a little combination of
everything, with always a little of their own
chaos to add. Twisted Souls are kind, loving,
weird, zany, temperamental, and very talented.
They have their own firm opinion, and can at
one time be very outspoken and passionate, and
the other time shy and feeling insignificant.
Twisted Souls have good senses of Humor and
other times can be a bore. You can act quite
intelligent at one time, and grasp concepts
easily, while other times they can find it
difficult to understand. Twisted Souls are
always very fun and Kind, and can be party
animals. But, if you love someone, youre
serious about it, intense, and forever loyal.
Congratulations-the world should have more like
you.



What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
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You're a Winter. You very much enjoy your time
alone but do like other people's company
sometimes. You just need your space. You have a
few priviledged friends who saw past your
colder exterior to find the true you. You can
have pretty bad mood swings (though you hate to
admit it) so you could be soft one second then
storming around the next! But over all, you're
a very pleasant person once people take the
time to get to know you. You're a good friend
for in-depth talks. You're very talanted when
it comes to creative things.


What season are you? (pics)
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kirara/kilala


!!!!!!!!!!!!!Which inuyasha character are you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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You're an Etch-a-Sketch!! You're the creative,
artsy type who doesn't need to actually utilize
a single muscle group in order to have fun.
Doesn't matter though, you're still cool.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
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You're Lili St. Cyr!


What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
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my feet are so cold.

true, i'm hurt by what you guys say about me. but i also wonder why you guys say such things. you don't point to any particular fault but have a field day hurling insults copied from various internet sources.

why do people insult other people?

is it because they are jealous and want to put the victim down? or is it because they simply feel good from making another feel bad? maybe they'll stand to gain something if the reputation of the other is tarnished by insults. perhaps they don't even mean the insults and choose to insult their own friends anonymously so they can release stress. who knows, maybe the insultor had been insulted by the insultee and (s)he just want revenge.

i have insulted many. constructive insults and destructive insults. having been insulted many times myself, i know how being insulted feels. i do apologise for those insults passionel, because most of the time i think before i speak. i apologise for those anonymous insults i've made, because when i insult anonymously, i don't really mean it and do not expect you to take a point. if i have ever hurt your feelings and caused you to lose confidence in yourself, i'm sorry. humans are beautiful in their own unique ways, and are meant to blossom to the fullest without hindrance.

i've been called a fatso, a bigmouth, a ghost, a witch, a bitch, a flirt, a freak, a slut, a dog, a pig, an ass, an asshole and mrs. william hung. i dont mind the last one, since william hung is after all, one of the 100 highest earning men in the world for 2004. i have been shoved around, beaten, slapped, assaulted with a chair, hit on the head, insults scrawled on my desk, called names loudly to the face and booed offstage during my performances. i have people spamming my email, stealing my stuff then hiding them so i take a long time to find them and throwing stray bits of stationery at me.

if i have survived all that, you will survive. if you ever break down, take a moment, then put yourself together again. but this time you'll be stronger. one day, your tormentors will realise that you are impregnable and inpenetratable. you're standing on your own. so what if they made you cry today, tomorrow or the day after. you are you. only you have the power to allow yourself to break down or to stay standing. and believe it, it is not the strong people who insult, but the weaker-than-thous.

and remember, never insult back.

when someone throws stones at you, throw bread at him.

hey my feet aren't cold anymore.

i've been cast as iras.

it's so scary. since i joined drama, i've always wanted to be iras, but got alexas instead. then suddenly, cherry dropped out of drama, and now i'm iras.

this is spooky.

today, when i was being iras, it was so weird, like i was cherry and not iras, because cherry is essentially iras. something which i have to be, from now until feb 27 2005. alexas is in my blood, and i have to purge him and be iras.

on the bright side, i dont get slapped around by baizurah anymore.

I've been down to the river
And seen the other side
I have cowered in the corner
Without a place to hide
I've been lost and forsaken
And sworn I'd not get through

But I must have done something right
To be here loving you
I must have done something right
To be here loving you

I have searched
For the whole truth
And seldom have I lied
I have been the silent witness
To all the tears I've cried
There are things that I have done
I wish I could undo

But I must have done something right
To be here loving you
I must have done something right
To be here loving you

-- Julia Fordham, "Something Right"

hey dhan, i DO have a casualty from that fall yesterday. my toe went into the wheel, and now my toenail is halfway split and cracked.

you can see the flesh under the nail.

whoohoo.

i dont know why i do this to myself.

i watched The Way Home, and i nearly suffocated myself crying. there i was, sobbing and my nose all blocked up and then i realised i couldn't breathe.

you guys have to watch that movie, its the korean one about a city boy who goes to live with his mute grandmother in a rural mountain hut. he treats her like dirt and bullies her and writes insulting messages on the walls, but she cant read anyway.

she doesnt do anything, just ignores his antics and pampers his whims because she loves him.

finally when it's time to go home, the little boy doesnt want to because he loves her too. so he threads all her needles for her, and writes dozens of postcards saying "i'm sick" and "i miss you", so that if she's sick or lonely, she just has to post one of those postcards to him, and he'll quickly go and visit her and look after her.

*sniff*

triple fuck and double merde. i typed a super long entry and then lost it.

shall summarize:

1) went to northland
2) met a cute anonymous guy
3) met auntie iris
4) found out how much she and auntie yin and uncles jason and albert has put into building the school
5) considering joining alumni

swollen pregnant pig in sequins.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

that was the funniest thing i've ever heard. i've got to tell my mom this, since she was the one who made me wear that shirt.

by the way sam, no matter how sucky you say my singing is, it's still one of the hundred best in singapore. so regardless whether you can sing or not, it's still better than yours, right?

dhaniah, don't be too pissed. this isnt the first time anyway, and hopefully sam would learn some manners. we can't blame the child. we gotta blame the parents for not bringing the child up the right way.

hey, devon aoki is one the most beautiful women in the world. she is NOT ugly. if you think she's ugly, you're probably just jealous cos you are ugly yourself.

if i could have a celebrity face, i'd have devon's.

dinner was fun! we went to the french restaurant at sembawang near the jamming studio, and munkitty and i ordered the fish, and hong bee and jas-jas ordered the pork, and we ended up swopping plates.

when jas-jas and i did the "lou lou skip to my lou" thing, it was so funny i almost slipped on the floor cos it was so wet with rain.

i wonder if the toilet's still flushing.

i feel mopish too.

when you spend 5 hours a day in a darkened and freezing room, doing nothing but stare and paint still life, listening to the depressing new age music miss lee puts on, you'd feel mopish too.

i was on tv tonight.

the whole of singapore and johor has witnessed my humiliation as i attempted to sing while i was convalescing and high on antibiotics. but hey, at least ken lim liked me. and dick lee liked my shirt, although he didnt like me.

anyway SI is such a commercialised show, with not a hint of culture.

dhaniah, you're fucking lucky you were completely cut out of the show. at least people didn't witness your humiliation.

but damn, i was funny, wasn't i?

i had two slices of pizza for dinner, and they only tasted good because i was so hungry. we were spozed to wait till miss lee comes back from her graduation thing from NIE, but when the pizza arrived before the lady arrived, we ate one whole pizza in 2 minutes. then we decided to wait for 40 minutes. so 40 minutes went by and still no sign of the lady, we ate anyway and left 3 slices for the lady. so she finally arrived, and she took a slice, and that was it. hong bee and unlimited took the last two slices since they were after all the president and vice-president.

miss lee asked if any of us ever thought of being a teacher, cos she thinks she might want to open an alternative education school. i suggested we move to new zealand and open one there.

if only that would happen.

cried buckets of tears after watching Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights on DVD. it was so depressing, yet wildly romantic. the only thing i didnt like was that juliette binoche wasnt right for the roles of both cathys. she was too calm and gentle for the spitfire older cathy, and too mature for the young and flirty younger cathy.

but i think ralph fiennes was fantastic for heathcliff. that wild long hair, fierce manic gaze was so damn sexy too, just like heathcliff was supposed to look like. his intense staring and harsh, yet poetic words was so stirring, and the part where he grabs the dead body of the older cathy, shuddering with sobs, with his hands all bloody cos he smashed the window to get in made me melt into a swimming pool and i myself almost suffocated in my own sobs.

another sexy part was when hareton earnshaw was digging in the yard topless.

it isnt a great movie, but i still like it. i hope they'll remake it with better music cos the string section tends to get into overdrive in this one.

have been reading The Encyclopedia of Greek and Roman Mythology and Annotated Fairy Tales.

some are quite hair-raising. to think that zeus was bisexual and lusted after ganymede and seduced him in the form of an eagle. to think that little red riding hood originated as a porno story.

then there are those fairy tales in which the prince does nothing but lazes around doing nothing but in the end marries the heroine who went through blood and sweat in order to marry the prince that lazes around doing nothing.

and even worse are the stories in which the princess does a mistake and curses the entire family/palace/kingdom and then lazes around doing nothing waiting for some handsome prince to come kiss her and make everything all right.

and there are those cannibalistic stories in which little children are cooked and eaten, and these are prolly the stories that are read to hannibal lector when he was a kid.

i have yet to read one fairy tale that makes me happy.

quote: do i love you because you are beautiful, or are you beautiful because i love you?