if women were the weaker sex, the world would've died off a long time ago already.

women have to bear the pain of childbearing and endure monthly periods. victims of sex crimes are mostly women. women are ridiculed by men when they stand up for themselves, when they try to assert their power. women are slapped with labels like "bitch", "slut", "whore" and "cunt". women are expected to always be one step beneath men.

in stories, it's always young virgin girls being sacrificed for the vengeful god. it's always the female to be captured by some monster and having to be rescued by some knight. joan of arc led the armies of france to victory, and she ended up being burned at stake. wang zhaojun did not believe in bribery and stood her ground, and she ended up being sent to mongolia where she died of pneumonia doubled with homesickness. when the emperor has a harem of 3000 concubines, he is regarded as powerful. when evita peron tried to reform argentina, the people called her a slut and dangerous jade.

but despite all these prejudices, women are still alive and going strong. they are still bearing children. they contribute to the economy and the society. they can do things that men can do, equally well too. without women, the world will be missing half of its population. heck, without women, the world would not even exist.

face it, men. women are just as important as you.

i really need to do my homework. i still have 4 essays undone and i still have to study for the history test. and i'm going to OBS next week. DAMN.

i shall be more ladylike and girlie.

i will behave myself and keep my hands to myself.

with the exception to iron maiden, i will stop listening to meaningless death metal.

i will take better care of my nails.

i will stop destroying my hair.

i feel sick. i have a headache. and i feel like hurling my lunch.

i shouldn't have eaten SO much for lunch.

it was the mayo. it has to be the mayo.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

i just had a 4-hour nap. and i still feel like hurling.

it must be the mayo.

mayo fuckin sucks. mayo suckin fucks.

I hate the world today
You're so good to me I know
But I can't change.
Tried to tell you but you look at me
Like maybe I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet

Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved
To see the softer side
I can understand how
You'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything

All rolled into one

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed

I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it
Any other way

So take me as I am.
This may mean you'll have
To be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start
To make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change

And today won't mean a thing.

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed

I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it
Any other way

Just when you think
You've got me figured out
The season's already changing.
I think it's cool you do what you do

And don't try to save me

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed

I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it
Any other way


I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you're hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover

I've been numbed, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it
Any other way

- Meredith Brooks, "I'm A Bitch"

again i shall speak on a topic that has no particular relevance to world peace.

MY HAIR FINALLY CURLED!!!

then the wind blew at it, and it's back to my frizzy waves.

anyway.

my brother got his medical scholarship. which is wonderful, so now my mom can finally go for liposuction AND a face lift, and she'll stop complaining how dowdy she looks.

see my bikini it's just the right size
don't you enjoy how it rides up my thighs?
look from behind it will knock out your eyes
i'll show you, my special trophy of war
for a marine i'll show more!

this stupid verse is stuck in my mind.

i don't believe in heaven or hell. i believe in karma and reincarnation.

how dare you curse me to go to a place which doesn't exist to me?

how dare you call me a pagan?

why don't you take some pointers from buddhism? accept and embrace all living things regardless of differences. instead of condemning non-believers and non-christians to hell.

just leave us alone. i am perfectly happy as i am. don't come waving your bibles at me, then cursing god because i stand by my own religion. spread the gospel if you wish. but ultimately it is i to choose what i believe in.

my dinner was a banana, a few pieces of seaweed and half a can of water-packed tuna.

now i have disgusting little bits of tuna stuck to my teeth.

there was a write-up about me in streats! hahahaha!

but my name wasn't mentioned, because i would get disqualified.

but my picture was in there!!

seems like i get into ketosis really quick nowadays. i just ate 4 hours ago and now i feel those signs again.

i fall sick easily too.

must be bad karma.

going to meditate on that.

i made it to the second audition.

no big deal, still called audition. why make such a big fuss about it?

went to register for singapore idol and ended up being interviewed and filmed. and on a day when i wasn't wearing any makeup!!! and i was wearing a ratty old tank with my faded old bermudas! with my hair in a careless topknot!

i gotta look nicer for my audition tomorrow.

so tired! but thank god it's vesak day tomorrow.

singapore idol. what a joke. i dont see what's the big deal about it. it's just a singing competition. i dont feel excited about it. i dont even dare tell people i'm taking part in it until they ask me. then i'll quickly change the subject. it's embarrassing.

i have a tummy ache. but i'm hungry.

i am filled with power, wonder and strength.

i'm starting to think devon aoki is really pretty.

i've never been in love. i've never had my heart broken.

and i'm afraid of the day when this happens.

today was the parent-teacher dialogue thing. well it went pretty well, and i got my report paper. to my horror, the comment from steven/george marlay was "did not hand in homework". WHAT THE FUCK. i handed in my homework! i handed in time too! its because andy wasnt feeling ok and he handed in the whole buncha papers late and we the lit students all got zero.

but the history was nice. mrs low wrote "a joy to teach". how sweet. *kowtows to mrs low*

after the ptd my mom took me shopping. was fun, spent about $300 in northpoint. mutti shops like a woman who's been stranded on a desert island for 5 years.

i suck at blogging. i start off writing a lot. then i don't know how to end.

i shall report what happened during the drama, although you can read a rather cynical view on betty's blog.

i skipped the PW lecture to go set up my tools in the girls' room, then i stripped myself and changed into my hideous Alexas costume. then completely forgetting my training in stage makeup, i rubbed makeup all over my face and i turned out to look like a monkey that had undergone animal testing.

then baizurah came in and shrieked at my face.

i helped baizurah do her eye makeup, which looked pretty impressive. but she didnt want me to do anything else. so did the other girls. seems like my own face scared the other girls away. well i had no time to redo my face, dont blame me. it was my over-zealous hands that did it. i grabbed my powder and some blush and went to the area where the guys were lounging about snacking on the curry puffs and drinking the ribena which had a mixture of tap-water, cheaply bought ribena syrup and aarthi's spit. i did a bit of powder dusting and blush brushing on the main guys, and they looked like monkeys' asses. man i need more practice, my skills are going rusty.

when the play started, everyone screamed with laughter when cleo came out in a hot pink cheongsam and fluttering a black lace fan like a mamasan. then when betty appeared onstage there was a bigger hullabaloo because she was in a super-tight SIA uniform. then when i came out to do my messenger bit, i slipped on the uber long pants, fell BANG on my knees and slid on the ground till the skin on my right foot got rubbed off.

everyone in the audience went "OUCH!!"

then they laughed like stuffed toys when i repeated this performance about 3 times.

the soothsayer bit was freezing. no one understood what we were saying, even though we were yelling out heads off. when i did the bottle-posed-as-enormous-erection gesture, nobody caught it either. the next scene when i came out, i did my usual pompous Alexas walk, which apparently induced huizhen aka intoxicated owl to burst into uncontrollable laughter.

oh well.

i hated my singing girl part. i felt like a puppet when i did the silly line-dance bit. and the fiddler's fiddle was so damn loud, i could barely hear myself. oh sheesh, and everyone commented on my mini dress. well it's not mine. it's my mom's. she wore this same dress in the 70's.

when the whole performance thing was over, i fixed up the mess in the changing room while the girls just disappeared. and betty left a stack of her files and her watch and her mirror and her eyeshadows. i assumed she was waiting for me or maybe she'll be coming back to get them. but after about 15 minutes and no betty, i struggled to carry her stupid stuff along with my makeup box, school bag and 5 sets of costumes and accessories.

and then i found out betty went home already.

*you can imagine what i said to betty on the phone.*

i got home and went to sleep.

finished. that's the whole of the play day for you.

i heard that i dont make sense.

anyway today didnt feel like the last day of term 2, because to me, i feel like i've just started school. and besides we still have lessons the next 2 weeks. during lunch we bitched about a certain person. and about a certain act it commited during a certain class.

sometimes i wish i could just shoot it dead and sweep it under the carpet.

then i dont want to dirty my hands with it's filthy blood and when i shoot it, little globules of orange fat will prolly splatter out in all directions.

boy am i hungry. vati's cooking his special diet meal.

it's become routine whenever i turn on the computer. i play freecell, then when i win, i play solitaire. after winning a game of solitaire i play spider solitaire. then after winning all three games i log on to the internet, then i go on to MSN and Yahoo. when my emails are checked, i turn on my webcam and knock about with it and admire my face on the computer screen. then i blog or do my research or type my essays. finally i turn it off.