you know what's my GREATEST ambition? to be miss universe!!!

however to be miss universe i have to be beautiful and slim, two things that i'm not. and it will be a total scream if the people i know see me wearing a bathing suit and strutting my pot belly on international TV. haha!!

but well, it won't hurt to dream a bit.

let's see, to be miss universe i have to:

1) Lots of plastic surgery.
2) braces.
3) lots of $$$.
4) liposuction.
5) walk gracefully.
6) talk without swearing every 3 words.

that's it. i don't want to be miss universe anymore!!!

click here to find out which asian action superstar you are!

You are Jackie
Chan! you like to take risks. you live for the moment. you are a thrill-seeker.
At heart, you're a really nice person.

you funny, charasmatic and full of energy. although sometimes your goofness
gets you into trouble, your

drunken boxing skills are fabulous! just bring a pot of rice wine with you.

i like taking quizzes. but sometimes i don't like the results.

You're an Emerald. You are goofy and unique. You're
very easy to be with and a lot of fun too. The
type of person someone could be friends with
easily.


What Jewel Are You?
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Senko - "Wizard Child; Hermit Child"
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What would your Japanese name be? (female)
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You should be dating an Aquarius.
20 January - 18 February
Your mate is communicative, thoughtful and caring.
Though he/she can be tactless and rude and
sometimes self-interested, he/she enjoys the
intellectual experience of sex.


What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
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You're Exotic Dancer Barbie. You have some moves,
and will do anything for a few bucks. Take it
off girl, but keep it PG-13 please.


If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
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anyway off the subject. i plucked off half my eyebrows this afternoon and cried three buckets of tears because of the sheer pain and stupidity on my part.

i need a job. i fucked up my prelims and now i've got a three-month-long vacation full of dirty looks and household chores. i need a job very badly.

i'm too ugly to be a barmaid or a bartop dancer.

i'm too honest to be a salesgirl.

i'm too slow to be a cashier in macdonalds.

i'm too dangerous to be a kindergarten teacher.

i'm too unhygienic to be a toilet cleaner.

i'm too clumsy to be a waitress.

i need a job. but no one wants to hire me!!!!

something v funny. derrick asked delphine to tell me to remove his name from my blog. what?! like as if i said something bad about him. derrick you're being oversensitive. but even if it ruins your reputation that i was your ex-girlfriend, i still won't remove your name because this is MY blog and i can say ANYTHING i want on it.

besides i've already said sorry when we broke up, so it's over between us. man....you've got another girl after me anyway, why still so sensitive when i talk about you?

Headache! It hurts to even do simple things like chew on a frozen chocolate cake.

I am officially afraid of the dark. Why? Because I was stupid enough to play the ouija board. After that hair-raising experience I am now paranoid that spirits are following me. I sleep with the lights on. Last night I turned off the lights and was dropping off to dreamland when BUMP! went my study desk. I nearly jumped out of my clothes. I spent two minutes trying to convince myself that it was just my desk contracting, then I heard a distinct click-click-click. It was near me. I jumped out of bed and turned on the lights and the Thing vapourised! So I decided to study geography until I nodded off.

Have to stop blogging. Have to start A Maths.

Say! I feel most lucky, being so happy and normal and ordinary. I can scoff at people who moan about themselves all day long because that's not what I'm gonna do, no sirree! I'm great, I'm talented and best of all, EVERYBODY LIKES ME!

Okay now don't spoil this moment for me. I'm trying my best to kid myself into that mode. At least I'm not like some people who are dying to be different and end up being mainstream, or other people who are forever drowning in self-pity and angst. Let me count my blessings. I've got my imagination. I've got my pencils and paper. I've got my piano. I've got my movie collection. I've got my pillow and blankie. I've got my stuffed toys. I've got a wonderful brother. See? I've so lucky and priveleged!

I AM CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS! I'M FASTER THAN A SPEEDING WAISTBAND!
TRA-LA-LAAA!!!

I can safely presume that I'm the most sane, down-to-earth and ordinary girl in the world. I used to think that it would be cool to be different, but now I realise that it's far more satisfying to be normal. Being normal gives you a hold over the people who want to be different. You can look down on them and sniff and say, "What poor downtrodden creatures!"

So anyway I've not given up on my ambition to be a musical actress and go on Broadway. You know there is a fantastically wide difference being a singer and a musical West End/Broadway actress don't you? I want to be the next Lea Salonga, but unlike me she has supportive parents.

However that's just a crazy ambition since nobody likes seeing me onstage. Remember my Phantom of the Opera fiasco? Everybody could see my five-inch platform boots under my gown and realise I'm not as tall as I ought to be. Ha, ha. My first performance as young Cossette when I was 9 was a flop too, because then I didn't know how to sweep the floor. So I just paraded up and down dragging a broom as tall as I am behind me.

But that's all over now.

I don't understand people at all. They do the most outrageous things, things that can kill them, things that they don't like and yet they refuse to stop doing them. The saddest part is that they think it's such a big deal to them. Like it's their life or something.

And while people go out to get themselves killed, I'll sit quietly before the monitor ogling over personal ads. It's much more of life than what they call 'life'. Some people get embroiled in the underground scene. Some do drugs. Some get pregnant, get diseased. Some, especially some, turn to being call girls, bar maids etc. Some even get landed in jail or rehab. I know these people. I could've been one of those people. You'd never know.

But I'm sane. I know what life means. I know of past suffering and future joy. You can say I've got sense in my somewhat empty head. I don't do crazy things just to prove myself. I don't date older men and sell my body just to get extra pocket money, like M. I don't hang out in bars just to be grown-up, like E. I don't get entangled with gangs like B, W and D. I don't do drugs and drinks like so many people I know. I'm glad that N is finally turning over a new leaf after getting out of jail. He's got sense too.

Why don't I do these things? Because I've seen my fresh innocent girlfriends turn old and hard and trashy. I've seen guyfriends trying too hard to prove themselves, sometimes paying the ultimate sacrifice. I'm the typical mollycoddled, pampered and protected little missy, but the hell am I innocent. I've seen a lot, and I am to keep seeing things for the rest of my life.

But I'm content with my lot. That makes a difference. Expect less, and you'll receive a lot more.

P.S. Don't bother asking me about this. This is all you're gonna know about my negative side.

The day started off unimpressive enough. Woke at nine, had Lo Mai Kai and a cup of chicken Bovril for breakfast. And a Kit-Kat bar. Then used the com to type one chapter of one of my fantasy story. While typing I had writer's block and went out to clean bicycle. FYI: it stinks. When bicycle is clean, I went back to com and turned it off. Dad cooked his Save the World vegetarian soup noodles. It's real simple. Get a huge pot, dump three packets of instant noodles into it along with all the leftovers of the past week, including the old frozen rice. Bring it to boil. It is now ready to eat.

I spent the later half of my day clearing my room and ironing my clothes and reorganizing my aromatherapy drawer. Then I studied the Genotype section of Biology, before reading a bit of fiction. Aunt Iris and Uncle Jason came over. Aunt Iris gave a bunch of good but useless advice on ironing clothes. They left after about 20 minutes. I went back to my life. Mom returned from her trip in Thailand and got a bunch of goodies. She gave me 30 candles to add to my aromatherapy drawer. Also two new handbags and a black silk sarong which will prolly become my prom outfit.

We had decent food for dinner. Kentucky Fried Chicken. Mom was telling us about the movie Finding Nemo (she said Finding Meno) she watched on the plane. I had to correct her retelling, it's got lots of boo-boos.

Speaking of movies, I want to watch Daddy Day Care. I think people who watch teenybopper movies like Lizzie McGuire and Twins Effect are losers, because there ain't no morals in teenybopper movies. Besides, Twins Effect sounds like the typical Hong Kong translation of Buffy. When Hong Kong movies start to Westernize, you know it ain't good. What happened to the good old movies of Tony Leung Ka Fai and Leslie Cheung?

Anyway the best part of the day was Mom gave me a digital camera. It's old and low-tech but it's good.

Dear ******,

I miss you, do you miss me too? It's been such a long long time I've seen your face. A long long time since I've confided in you. If only you hadn't left, I wouldn't have turned out into this mess.

I've been trying to figure out who am I. My moods change dramatically from one moment to the next. And though I may act like a stand up comedian to one person, I would ignore another, even if I like them both equally. I've been controlling my temper rather well. I realised that though it is a thrill to be angry and destroy things, it is much more easier and less exhausting to just drop it and look for other things to be amused at.

Well. Let me admit. I went into a relationship last year, but it didn't work out. His name is Derrick Vennard and he is an Anglo-Portuguese Singaporean. He's not very cute actually. In fact he was very skinny. But he treated me really well. So well so that I felt being guilty with him. Then I began to see faults in him. So we broke up.

Guess I'm still too immature.

But I've learnt alot from this experience. Like the last letter I wrote you, I've realised a relationship requires a lot of self-discipline, personal space and time. I'm still as narcissistic as ever, there is no room in my heart for a another person. I would rather love than be loved, because I want freedom. Not suffocation.

In my last letter, I said that I still cry when I think of you. I still do. I think I'll always cry when I think of you. You were my bastion of strength. But now you're not here anymore. Sometimes when I come home, when I stand at the door, I can still hear you lazing on the couch watching Channel 8 serials. Then when I enter the house, I am greeted with consuming silence. An empty house.

I guess that's enough for now. I hope you'll read this letter, but then that's wishful thinking. But I know you'll always love me, and will always think of me.

Wherever you are, God Bless and thank you.

Love,
Me

Which HP Kid Are You?

err.......me is both?


Which [Charlie's Angels] characters are you?

i like lucy liu.

WOOHOO~

Yet again we slogged to get a tiny gilt-plated plaque that says Gold, and entry into Choral Excellence, only to graduate and start life all over again. But well, at least we, Class of 2003, left a legacy behind.

After school Dhaniah and I went to explore our inner Gaias. We climbed a tree and sat on the branches and talked about life past, present and future. Then she taught me the song we were spozed to jam on Thursday. A bunch of cheekos in uniform came by and tried in vain to catch our attention by saying we're indecently exposed. We ignored them and they grew tired and slunk away.

We saw a blue-headed little lizard, a huge bumble bee and about half a dozen curious on-lookers trying to figure out why on earth is those two demented schoolgirls doing singing karaoke in a tree.

I shall resolve to be happier and less pessimistic. I shall clean up my vocabulary and correct the way I walk. I shall limit myself to fifteen expletives a day and think happy thoughts. I shall not be depressive or insulting, and I shall be nice to people worth being nice to. I shall stop beating Weihao up for no reason. Instead, I shall find a reason before whacking him.

My foots hurt. Went looking for ethnic clothes with Dhaniah. Considering getting the funny Indian/African/Arabian shirt, except it makes me look like a scarecrow.

Going to watch Holland V. I totally hate these characters: Siting, Lingling's husband, the bapok, Lingling's ex-boss and Edison.

Gramma and Grampa will be staying here for a WEEK!! Finally I can get to live a decent life eating decent food looking at real loving couples. Things between Mom and Dad are see-sawing. Right now they are gibbering about the TV wondering what went wrong with a PLASMA TV (there only happened to be one colour on it. Blue.)

Oh. I think its repaired already.

My feet really really hurt. I think I'll give ballet a miss tomorrow. I'll never going to pull off that stunt again, what with getting shoes and socks sloshed with rain and then standing at attention in an air-conditioned auditorium for 5 hours while killing me softly with my feet.

Today we went to Fairfield Methodist to cavort with the Methodist people and the Cheena people from River Valley. Another 5 hours of standing on socked foots. Taught Agnes Wong some Cantonese expletives and she was so horrified she rubbed me with her religious talisman.

Oh yah I saw Jia Hui while going home today.

livingdeaddolls
you are dark. and pretty scary.
you hate the world. and dont give a shit about
them.


what type of doll are you?
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Ha!

Relationships don't last. Take a look around you. Look at Mom and Dad. Look at myself. Look at yourself.

So it's best to always love yourself the most and don't love anyone else. The opposite sex was created for a quick shag. Dance a little dance, make a little love. But never commit yourself to it or else you'll find yourself smack-bang married with two adolescent kids and a boring spouse.

Why must we get married in order to be respectable in this stifling Asian-traditioned society? Asian values are honorable and noble, but just not too cut-out for modernistas and modernistos like us. What's wrong with polygamy and cohabitation and children born out of wedlock and unmarried parents and gay parents/children?

But fine. Let them people rush about falling in love getting married. I'll just remain single and unavailable my whole life.

Like I said, I know you don't like me, so don't talk to me.

Seagull


What Finding Nemo Character are You?
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Kitty Goth


What Kind of Goth Are You?
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