shit.

i forgot what i wanted to say.

i found another bunch of pornos in my brother's room, so naturally i watched them. since when did my brother got interested in all these scandinavian and russian girls? all the while he's been watching normal asian pornos.

pornos do nothing for me. i just watch them to see if there are any shameless and shapeless pornstars to laugh at.

was chatting online with this guy from denmark (rene? i can't remember what's he called) and we started to talk about the usual stuff. then i remembered something about what my mom told me after i honestly rejected this boy i met in china. she said i was insensitive and tactless. HA! if i'm insensitive and tactless, i don't know what she is.

but then i start to think, i AM insensitive. just today during lunch, shafi, andy and zude were telling me that i should act more like monica. they said i was too violent and tomboyish etc. well, fuck that. i can be who i want to be. if guys think i'm this rabid chimpanzee (or orangutan), then too bad. haven't you heard that abuse is a form of love? i whack you guys because i consider you guys my friends. if i don't whack you guys means i don't give a rat's ass about you.

also, i don't really care about other people's feelings. i don't give a damn what you think, and i don't give a damn about you. the only people who i really care about are my brother, dhaniah, vicky, canny and serene (the last three are my paternal cousins). those are the people i love. do i love you? i don't think so.

another thing about me that you guys have to know. i have massive mood swings.

i broke my previous solitaire record!!!

Score: 13875
Time: 53 sec

i am invincible!

oh i could hide beneath the wings
of a bluebird as she sings
the six o'clock alarm will never ring
but it rings and i rise
wipe the sleep out of my eyes
my shaving razor's cold and it stings

cheer up sleepy jean
oh what can it mean
to a daydream believer
and a homecoming queen

stayed back in school to continue making my pot in the art room. it's beginning to look like a toilet bowl, and the surface of the pot looks like the cellulite on a fat woman's ass. i was singing with baizura as we made our pathetic pots, and mr lim came in and stared at me and said, "joey is there something wrong with you today? so talkative and noisy."

hmm. does it mean that everytime in art class i'm this quiet little nincompoop?

well rouven likes those songs. i always thought there something weird in him anyway. he really loves those songs, he actually wants to buy all three hang on the box albums. or was it the last album? i don't know.

baizura proposed a dramababes' lunch every wednesday at northpoint before drama rehearsals. i think it's cool, as long as it doesn't involve the dramafags.

i'm starting to like alexas more and more. i don't mind giving up the role of cleopatra to concentrate fully on alexas and singing girl. canny called me long-distance from malaysia and begged me to help her with her english homework. and it's about cleopatra. i spent about 2 hours telling her the history of the woman-pharoah in retard chinese. and i'm rather proud of myself. i spoke chinese for 2 hours!

damn! it's hot in here.

i asked aarthi what she thought of scandinavian men. she asked me what the hell they were. AARTHI!! don't you know what's scandinavia?! and i thought you knew everything!

if you want to hear absolute frivolity, listen to any song by shonen knife or hang on the box or the wuliao contingent. shonen knife is a japlish punk band, all-girl, hang on the box is the chinese equivalent of shonen knife and the wuliao contingent is made up of the 4 great nonsensical punk bands in china, one of them being brain failure.

shonen knife "hokey pokey"

you put your reft hoot in,
you put your reft hoot out,
you put your reft hoot in and you shake it rall rabout
you do the hokey hokey and you turn yourself around
that whats its rall rabout!

hang on the box "yellow banana"

yellow banana yellow banana yellow banana oh-oh!

(repeat that line for the whole song)

hang on the box "kill your belley"

kill your belley
kill my belley
kiss your belley
kiss my belley
kill your belley
kill my belley

fah-kew i dont need you
fah-kew i dont need you
fah-kew i dont need you
fah-kew i dont need you

sitting here, listening to the sun yanzi song "yu jian". feeling lonely.

don't look at me like i'm some kind of freaky maniac, always ha-ha-haing with my deodorant spray can in my hand and making funny faces. every night i spend hours writing letters to my penpals. i have many penpals. what? i don't look the type that write long letters to faceless people and mope about in my diary?

never judge a book by its cover.

i do many things in my private life which you guys don't know. i'll just list a few: writing letters, writing in my diary, drawing pictures, creating wuxia stories, watching pornos and listening to sad looking-for-love songs.

i don't think many people read my blog religiously anymore. since i stopped being funny and foul-mouthed. it tires me. all these activities tire me, posing, laughing, being funny. i just want to hide in an island with nobody around, nobody that i have to entertain. because i am always entertaining people without knowing it. it's a vicious cycle. i just want to be another nobody, a face in the crowd. but i cant. i have to be the clown. it's in my blood.

CUP~ US TILL THE WORLD GO ROUND!!!
CUP~ US TILL THE WORLD GO ROUND!!!

these two stupid lines keep running through my head. and the stupid improvised tune too.

today i auditioned for antony and cleopatra, and i really really really really want the role of iras but somehow i think its impossible now, since i got the role of girl rome, some bawdy opera singer. mr spencer said it was a sexy operatic song. like real. it's more like a rowdy beer song, and added with the tuneless male shouts of "CUP~ US TILL THE WORLD GO ROUND!!! CUP~ US TILL THE WORLD GO ROUND!!!" it completes the picture of a cheesy beer commercial. it was pretty embarrassing to have to stand on a table too.

*hacks off head with chainsaw.*

i saw you again today. although you didnt talk to me, and i watched you from afar, you're still the one i want for life. i have never felt for someone for so long, nearly four or five years, until i knew you. you were always at the back of my mind. it doesnt matter if you dont reciprocate my feelings. i know it is impossible for us to be together. impossible. it's not that i've no hope, but fate has made us never to be together. but you know, although i may love somebody else, although i may end up bearing six children and marrying thrice, i will always belong to you.

however you will never know.

got the new prison uniforms today. then sent the skirts for alteration, to shorten the hem so i wont look like some fashion disaster. bought my shirts too big, so it looks like i'm wearing sails. but i dont care much about the shirt. then when i went to collect the skirts in the afternoon, they turned out too short so i look like a mamasan in miniskirts with tree trunk legs.

damn.

i got sentenced to the right day prison. yip yip yip.

mutti wants to go for marie france!!

someday i'm going to be rid of the fucking pigmentation under my eyes. i've been looking like a panda due to it for years since i was 10!! i'm definitely going for plastic surgery and liposuction.

tomorrow i'm going to find out which day prison i'm going to get sentenced to. hopefully it's the one near my home so i wont have to wake up so torturously early anymore.

poor dhani's computer is down. so i shall blog for her! hehehehe.

i give up trying to bleach my skin.

i dont know why i do this to myself. after weeks of torturing my skin to be as bleached as possible, i go out in the sun today and it's back to square one.

horrid tanned skin.

some kind of cross-country cum beach party thing at sentosa today. spent most of my time sitting in the shade facing the sea so the wind is blowing at me directly. dhaniah arrived so late, the event was over when she came. then we sat in the monorail and went about the island twice criticizing singapore's pseudo-culture and laughing at the cement dinosaur. had dinner then began the long and tiring journey home.

correction.

on the left side of my head, my hair is smooth and straight. on the right side, my hair is wavy.

i blow-dried my hair straight, seeing that even if i curled my hair with thongs my hair will end up wavy. so i blow-dried it straight and then used a flat iron and straightened out the remaining waves. not bad. now i look like what i look before the perm, with longer straight hair.

then poof! five minutes later my hair is wavy again.

*hacks hair off with chainsaw*

The heart is slow to learn
The heart is slow to learn
These feelings that I feel
Are foolish but they're real

I'm wise enough to see
This love will never be
And each day's like the last
When living in the past

I now it's mad
And you won't return
But then as I have said
The heart is slow to learn

I've never loved
As I have loved you
Why is love cruel
I wish I knew

Say what you will
It doesn't matter
Until I die there's only you
Until I die there's only you

The heart is slow to learn
The heart is slow to learn
You'd think there'd be a way
To shut out yesterday

Perhaps if I just thought
Of all the times we fought
I'd try to live, but no
There's still no letting go

I know it's mad
And you won't return
But then as I have said
The heart is slow to learn

Why is love cruel
I wish I knew

Say what you will
It doesn't matter
Until I die there's only you
Until I die there's only you

Why is love cruel
I wish I knew

Say what you will
It doesn't matter
Until I die there's only you
Until I die there's only you

The heart is slow to learn

i'm pretending that i'm dumped for no reason. i watch sad movies, listen to sad songs etc. this is what happens when i stay at home too long.

from now on you stay away from me. i've wasted thousands and thousands of kisses on you, kisses that i thought were special because of your lips and your smile and all your colour and life. i used to think that was the real you when you smile, but now i know that you don't mean any of them. you just save it for all your songs. shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed so tight.

hey dont look so serious, i'm just practising what to say just in case i get dumped in future. dont you think its such a beautiful, poignant piece?

fyi: i got those lines from faye when jimmy dumped her in the movie that thing you do.

oh no. dhani said that the color of my face and neck dont match. apparently my face is lighter than my neck, which i neglect putting the bleach on.

i feel like michael jackson.

i hear rain falling on the palm trees outside. very gentle rain. but still rain anyway. i dont have the aesthetic sense to admire daffy stuff like rain and sunsets and dying birds. i prefer looking at people.

tried painspotting today. i saw 2 flamboyant groins, 5 broadsheets, 3 oral-stinkers (they smelt like dried saliva, eyugh), 1 ventilator and 2 jabbers.

after singing class i went for dinner with dhani and then we sat at the fountain outside ngee ann city and she did a gross thing. she stuck her hands into the water. so to stop her from doing it, i did a grosser thing. i spat into the water.

i'm somehow glad i live in the city. yet i want to live in the countryside. what do i want? i dont know. a city-countryside.

i'm currently wallowing in self-pity. i'm having the most explosive period of my life and my cramps are equal to labor pains. i've run out of money to buy my own pads so now i'm using mutti's ancient cotton life-buoys as a substitute. the room is getting very dark now that it's going to fucking rain again.

so i'm going to do some cheering up!

1. everybody likes me!

2. i lost 2 kg!

3. gorti is coming home from army for the weekend!

4. no, gorti is coming home tomorrow for his A level results!

5. my hair curls again!

6. i managed to do well enough to get into YJC!

7. i finally found black eyeliner!

8. got a pretty windchime!

9. my skin is distinctly smoother!

10. i remembered to wash the dishes!

life isnt so bad after all. la la la~ i'm so happy!

*swings chainsaw in an arc*

mutti said my obssession with getting my face as pale as possible is getting to the point of mania. well its true. i dont know why but i'm going to extreme pains to get my skin looking like a sheet of computer paper. i use whitening facewash, whitening toner, whitening exfoliator and even the ridiculously expensive whitening facial cream made of phyto silver and crushed freshwater pearls.

but after that cursed day at the beach my skin refuses to return to its original paleness.

i just got back from the mall. i was getting supplies. i bought facewash, socks, eyeliner, nail file and decided to waste money on a pretty windchime.

i could've saved $1 if i bought the facewash at guardian, not watson's. damn!

i had a dream i went to the philippines on a plane all by myself!! it was so cool. i was packing all my stuff and i got my passport and plane ticket and then somehow i got abducted. and i was running running back to the airport to board the plane on time. then i realised my luggage was at home. then i called my mom, and she said, "i'll bring them for you." and 3 seconds later she came with the luggage. so i boarded the plane.

then i woke up.

the song "i'm with you" by lavigne is echoing in my head. because that's the song i'm playing on the piano now. i've never really heard her sing this song, so right now i'm singing it like a broadway song. i think it sounds better as a classical song. at least i think i sing better than lavigne.

my cousin pronounced avril lavigne as "ar-reel lah-vig-nay".

i watched mary poppins this afternoon. if i were to meet mary poppins in person, i'd slap her in the face. she's so rude!!! the kids were being so nice and she treats them like dirt. bert is obviously in love with her, and she acts like he's a fly on her sleeve. fuck her supercallifragilisticespiallidociously.

i had a tarzan-themed dream last night. but i wasnt jane. i was tarzan!

hahaha woke up to check my privates.

late-night ramblings

she first saw him in the classroom
he wasnt from her class
but he had friends there
she gave no thought about him
his frizzy hair
his acned skin
his crooked teeth
but one day on the way to class
he smiled at her
and suddenly she thought he was cute
and day by day
her feelings grew
as feelings are wont to do
until every single moment was
entirely dominated by him
her friends didnt understand
here she was
a pretty, popular girl
totally infatuated with a boy
who had a face like a frozen pizza
who was just a little taller than she was
she craned her neck just to see him walk past
she took every possible chance
to casually walk past his class
after school when it was quiet and empty
she sat at his desk and stayed for hours
but the day came when he said
"stop looking at me, you stalker.
please go away."
then she saw the name of another girl
a girl less pretty, less intelligent than she
carved and scratched into his arm
she cried
many months passed.
she no longer smiled at him when they crossed paths
she no longer looked at him when he was around
she tried to forget him
she got a boyfriend
handsome, popular, and deeply in love with her
but she could not forget the boy
a year passed
she got another boyfriend
handsome, smart, and hopelessly devoted to her
she thought she loved him
but she could not forget that boy
and now, three years after the first day she saw him
no longer in the same school
no longer speaking to each other
she still thinks of him
writes of him
and would never forget that boy.

isnt this such a sad sad story? i usually write such sad emo stories by hand and keep them in my writing box, but now i'm just too lazy to take it out and besides the inspiration just hit me and i didnt want to lose any detail.

remind me not to fucking drink coffee ever again. coffee is not meant for my system. caffeine poisons my delicate veins. i just had a cup of coffee porridge (coffee and soggy mashed-up army biscuits) and now i feel sick.

coffee sucking fucks.

why does everyone call the results day their big day? it's not a fucking big day. well at least its' not my big day. to me, big days are like performance days, somebody's birthday, MY birthday etc.

my left elbow hurts. its all sore and painful. maybe been lifting the chainsaw too many times.

watched 2 movies. big fish and gladiatress.

DO NOT WATCH GLADIATRESS.

it doesnt stick to the point and the actresses are muchos ugly. all three lead actresses are hideous. even the actors are hideous. its a perfect B-grade movie. cheap production. and it's not funny at all. do not let little kids watch it.

big fish was ok. i thought it would be a soppy tearjerker, but it wasnt. got cheated. damn.

waiting for the asterix and obelix movie to come out.

damn the devil! damn the devil to hell!

*throws chainsaw high up*

ha. nervous for nothing. did pretty well according to my standards. yishun junior college, here i come!

*raises chainsaw in victory pose*

i am so nervous. i have never been this nervous since the sing singapore semi-finals. fuckfuckfuck. i'm going to screw up my exams. when the results come out tomorrow i'll find out that i did so badly i could not qualify for even poly and have to retake my o levels again. i'm going to get 30+ points like jiewei and end up being a macdonald girl for life and have 3 kids and a cheating husband and i'll end up murdering him and throwing my kids out of the window in the three-room flat i live in and then finally gassing myself to death but the police comes in and drags me to the loony bin and everybody will say, "that poor woman she got 30+ L1R5 and that's why she ended up like that." and my mom will say:

"well it serves you right for not studying enough."

and my brother will say:

"huh? you are my sister! you cant do this to my reputation!"

and my father will say:

"that's why i told you, you should've gone to the temple with me to pray."

oh god. fuckfuckfuck. shizershizershizer. please let me die before i get my results!

sheesh i have to stop sleeping at 4 AM and waking up at 1 PM. so tonight i shall make myself sleep at 10!

had an accident with the hair removal cream last night and as a result i hyperventilated and nearly fainted. but i'm alright now, nothing to worry about!

o level results this fucking friday. oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit.

erlack!

*starts up chainsaw*

You are blessed with FAERY wings. Beauty,
laughter, life, magic...that's what you are all
about. You are refreshingly innocent and happy
with your life of purity and play. Life's a
game and it's a good one. In your eyes there's
no way to lose! You can be very mischeivous and
have been known to cause trouble, but it's all
in the name of fun and not meant to really harm
anyone. You like to play tricks on people who
aren't quite as bright or clever as you - which
is almost everyone. Nature is the setting you
prefer to be in - Always. Barefoot and wild you
can't be tamed. You're probably a restless
spirit who loves to travel, and quite a
dreamer. Your creativity is astounding and your
art (of whatever media - from writing to
painting to drama) is like something from
another world - ethereal and often very
fantasy-oriented. You can either be a social
butterfly or a loner with their head in the
clouds - but rarely inbetween. You stubbornly
refuse to accept responsibility or to give in
to the wishes of others - unless you feel like
it. You have a strong passion for music and
can't imagine life without it. You'll grow up
someday, but you'll always be a child at heart.
You are adventurous and love to take risks, and
feel a deep connection with the weather,
plants, and animals. You prefer sunshine to
thunder or snow, the warmth of summer to
autumn's chill, and quiet forests to suburban
backyards. Magic through and through, you are
far more powerful than you seem, and are
capable of being extremely passionate. Though
you can be childish, naive, stubborn, and self-
absorbed, one thing is certain - life with you
will never be boring!


*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

Which Royalty Are You? Find out! By Nishi.


You are a Revolutionary Woman!
You could care less about the monarchy!
You live for yourself!


You're beautiful and kick-ass! And like a female-warrior. You're resourceful, smart, tough, street-smart. You live life for yourself and not as others dictate and refuse to be branded into a category. You live apart from world and society.

went to grandmutti's (potti?) house a few hours ago and looked at old photos. potti and gongti are such posh people in the past!! and i thought they were just boring old people. potti used to be a glamour girl in the 50s, she wore those rock-n-roll fluffy dirndl skirts and had lucille ball-esque hair, and she drinks coffee in hotels. gongti used to wear all-white suits and god he is such a hottie!! then there were even pre-war pictures of potti, circa 1930s and she was wearing those starlet cheongsums (ok, she's only about 5 or 6 then) and great-grandmutti was wearing those glam glam cheongsums, high-slit and all too.

man, i'm never looking at my grandparents the same way again.

my godmum and mutti used to wear ultra short 70s miniskirts, and they have the best pairs of legs i've ever seen! what happened to those gams? they look like mutton-legs now!

the stupidest line in "tarzan of the apes":

TARZAN (to jane): jump into my car.

fuck. burroughs HAD to make tarzan a civilised gentleman. so civilised that he can actually drive a car!!

oh btw if you're confused, the story is set in 1912, the titanic edwardian era. that's why i like the disney version. it's more backwards in time, the victorian era, and tarzan doesnt get marred by civilisation and he remains in the jungle with jane.

dammit the later sequels have such stupid storylines. wtf in the very much later sequels, tarzan goes to hollywood. tarzan fights the japanese in the ww2, tarzan the heavyweight champion. fuck fuck fuck. the stupid sequel writers have defiled my beloved jungle man. i shall stop reading the rest of the tarzan books and stick to "tarzan of the apes".

in fact tarzan of the apes pretty much sucked. i hate the part where he became all civilised and cultivated.

eeeee the sequel spoils the beauty of tarzan. true, tarzan marries jane in the end, but they dont live in the jungle. they go live in civilisation instead.

phooey.

scrap this sequel. i'm going to jump straight to the fourth sequel.

a continuation of my tarzanspik:

tarzan learned how to read and write english, but he could not speak english. it was until he rescued a french lieutenant from negro savages when he learned how to speak. but that french guy taught him how to speak french, and turned things upside down. in the end he speaks english with a french accent. in the later part of the novel, when he realises that jane had left to go back to america--

a note: jane is NOT english, she is AMERICAN.

he wants to go to america too. so the french guy cultivates him and brings him to european outposts. he actually went all the way to paris, where the french guy d'arnot wanted to determine his genetics. it was proven that tarzan is actually the rightful lord greystoke (the current lord greystoke is cecil clayton, tarzan's cousin, and also jane's suitor). tarzan goes to america to find jane in wisconsin. the ending is a cliffhanger. jane is torn between choosing tarzan or clayton, tarzan is torn between living with jane in america or returning to africa where his heart belongs, and clayton is blissfully unaware.

there's a sequel to the novel, which i haven't read yet. i'm going to read it in 5 minutes.

i'm going crazy with tarzan fever! actually i'm always crazy with tarzan fever...

after watching the disney tarzan, i watched the johnny weissmuller version of tarzan. he was the first talking tarzan (the others before him were silent movie tarzans) so he got really famous. the funniest scene was when he was learning jane's name.

when he said jane, he punches her shoulder lightly. when he said tarzan, he pokes his own chest. so he went, "jane. jane! jane. tarzan. jane. tarzan. jane. tarzan. jane. tarzan. jane. tarzan. jane. tarzan. " and each time he says jane, he punches her harder and harder.

i saw another version of tarzan too, the bo derek miles o'keeffe one. it totally sucked, although miles o'keeffe was the best-looking and sexiest tarzan of all the tarzans. the two of them were swimming in a pond, or rather, jane was swimming and tarzan was lying in the water suntanning. jane was gushing on and on about how wonderful everything is, this is like a dream yadda yadda yadda but tarzan just ignored her and went on kicking the water and suntanning. then she said, "don't you have a smile?"

tarzan ignored her.

so she said, "do you know that you are more beautiful than any girl i know?"

tarzan turned to her with a pissed expression.

but the sweetest tarzan moment was in the book version, tarzan of the apes. it's the original tarzan book written by edgar rice burroughs. this is the first thing he wrote to jane:

"I am Tarzan of the Apes. I want you. I am yours. You are mine. We will live here together always in my house. I will bring you the best fruits, the tenderest deer, the finest meats that roam the jungle. I will hunt for you. I am the greatest of the jungle hunters. I will fight for you. I am the mightiest of the jungle fighters. When you see this you will know that it is for you and that Tarzan of the Apes loves you."

you'll be wondering how come tarzan can speak so well. contrary to the movies, jane did not teach tarzan english. tarzan learns it himself, through a book he found. he knows that he is not an ape, and he tries not to be like them, so he uses a knife to shave his beardy stuff.

if you know me well, you'll know that i love disney cartoons. i just watched tarzan for the first time (i know i'm slow) and i cried buckets of tears! what makes a good cartoon: romance, good action, good graphics, good theme songs and most of all, i must be able to cry at least twice in the movie.

for tarzan i cried five times in all.

for mulan i cried four times.

for beauty and the beast i cried twice.

for finding nemo i cried once. (but the graphics make it up)

for lilo and stitch i cried three times.

for brother bear i didnt cry. but it was a good movie for the humour scenes were great.

i cant remember anymore. but i tell you, tarzan is freaking HOT!!

the biggest tribulation of today: getting my hair to curl

i notice something. in other people's blogs they describe their day. but why the fuck should you describe your day? the day's over, you experienced it already now move on! if i want to describe my day, i'll at least put in some reflection or thoughts. not just the bloody description. blogs and diaries are meant for reflections and thoughts.

this means one thing. other people are crazy. i am sane.

i think i'm the only sane person in my dysfunctional school. my classmates are a strange bunch.

i didnt go to school today. i dont think i'll be going to school anymore. i really dont like school. i wouldnt mind if the school was yjc, but its fucking MI. i spent the day watching Sound of Music over and over again so i can write a fanfic about liesl. i love liesl she is so pretty.

1. You are attracted to those who have split personality, like cold as ice on the outside, but hot as fire in the heart.

2. In the process of courtship, the approach that would make you feel irresistable is moods-swing, blow hot and cold in love, vacillate.

3. The impression you would like to give to your lover is stylish.

4. You don't like it when your partner is insecure.

5. The kind of relationship you would like to build with your partner is one that you care not only about the present but also the future with your partner, a long-lasting relationship that you can grow with.

6. You can never be stabilized; actually, you are not suitable for marriage and you don't want to make committment.

7. You think of marriage as a precious thing. Once you get married, you'll treasure it and your partner very much.

8. At this moment, you are quite self-centered; you think of love as something you can get and trash anytime you want.

i went home alone from school today
and did some reflection along the way
i realise i have to stop acting like a yob
cos i'm not doing a very good job
i assaulted clarence with a water bottle
and he looked like he was about to throttle
my sorry little self and wring my neck
and kick my ass and break my back
i heard a helluva interesting stories
and laughed at my own follies
and i thought, "what the fuck!
people are more messed up!"
they made me want to scream and shout,
"look at me! i'm not a fucking lout!"
they made me want to break down in tears
because i can't face my own fears
but also they made me smile
and made my life worthwhile
because i've finally stopped ignoring
stopped wondering
stopped assuming
and picked my head up from the floor.

apparently i got it wrong. eva uses harry for sex but she doesnt love him, but harry loves her. poor harry. naughty eva.

i just watched a movie on channel 5. it's pretty sick and confusing. it's about this english girl, eva, who is in love with her cousin joseph, who is a geologist. however she has to go work in the countryside so she takes up lodging with a pig farmer harry. harry is madly obssessively in love with eva. then joseph had his left leg blasted away in some canyon where he was collecting rocks so he returned to england. he meets up with eva and he falls for her too (btw eva is pretty ugly to me). but eva is touched by harry's love so she doesnt leave with joseph and joseph goes home alone. but harry stupidly had a one night stand with some wench and eva finds out and she is disgusted and she goes and live with joseph. they were a happy pair. however harry is so distraught that he wants to kill himself, and eva goes back to stop him from killing himself. but harry knows that eva still loves joseph so he hacked off his left leg with a chainsaw to be like joseph. eva feels indebted and decides to stay and look after harry, who is now a crazy loon. but joseph comes and convinced eva to marry him. so eva left the loon and married joseph.

what the fuck.

for your info: anita mui is not chinese crap. she is a legend.

forgot to mention: got traumatized and assaulted by dhaniah's cat.

valentine's day today. went on a date with dhaniah, but she brought her friend along so it became a threesome. went to east coast park and cycled around the beach. now have icky tan lines.

just emerged from shower. my fingers are all wrinkly and pruney, something strange since it has never happened since i was 11. used a new shampoo. hair is straighter than ever. no, my hair on the left side is straight. hair on right side in loose curls. 8% of my hair ended up on the bathroom floor. trying to restore curls.

gorti came back from camp again. still coughing away. poor guy. he got the tekong flu.

i'm so damn tanned. must remember to wear sunblock next time.

went to temasek poly today for the open house. rather impressed. then sat in front of the LOTR roadshow for 4 hours waiting for dhaniah to come.

tried on many dresses from this fashion and i love all of them!! how unexpected. we picked the most outrageous ones and those turned out to be the most flattering ones. i am seriously thinking of getting the black goth one.

i've finished reading the tamuli! yay! but kinda slow to my standards. took 4 days to complete 1200+ pages.

i even dreamt of the tamuli last night. i dreamt that i was some character they called fellatia! and apparently sir berit has the hots for me. and yeah, sir kalten looked like owen wilson in the dream.

then i woke up to go to the loos. then i went back to sleep. i dreamt i was looking for an old storybook and i found it! it still looks the same. i dont know where to book is now though. maybe i threw it away or gave it to my cousins. i miss my childhood.

then i woke up and decided not to go to school. so i went back to sleep. this time my dream has some serious sexual reference, so i wouldnt expand on that.

i'm not an outcast. i just choose not to talk to you. and i choose not to listen either.

damn pooks.

my fashion sense

for going out shopping/library/anywhere WITHOUT dhaniah:
school t-shirt
or just about any clean t-shirt
baggy knee-length pants
waistpouch
flipflops

for going out shopping/library/anywhere WITH dhaniah (casual):
more presentable shirt
baggy knee-length pants
or jeans
bag or satchel
sneakers

for going out WITH dhaniah (dressing up for fun):
just about anything outrageous e.g. glitter/sequin tops, hippie style, fishnet tights
full face of make-up
sioux-indian boots

for going out WITH mom:
expensive blouse
tight flared jeans
or skirts
heels
or sneakers
FLIPFLOPS AND CHEAP TACKY BARGAIN CLOTHES ARE BANNED

clothes that i never touched since they were bought:
halter back-bearing skintight tops (i've got 4: white corset style, pink sequinny, red checked and green flowery)
ultra ultra short silky skirts (too many in a heap)
tube tops (2: white and pink)
black pvc para-para platform boots
tapered GUESS? jeans (used to be mom's)

accesories i ALWAYS wear:
dangly silver stars earrings
platinum chain w/ tiny diamond
friendship moodring
jade ring

the stuff i wear almost everyday:
fucking school uniform

i was reading my new classmates' blogs and realised what a tame, holistic world i live in. yeah! good for me! i'm achieving nirvana, once i stop swearing and cussing like a sailor, watching porn etc. hey i'm an inner sinner. i don't drink or smoke weed or go clubbing or have wild promiscuous unprotected sex. but i do what all the pervy geek losers do, plus a little more.

original hentai fiction, anyone?

the reason why i always wear headphones in school even though i'm not listening to music: so that people won't talk to me and show me how full of shit they are.

dhani said i love shindigs like campfire nite. ooh yeah! i love doing piercing xena calls and knowing no one can do anything to me cos they are all younger than me. and the darkness and the fire and the music sparks something dark and primitive and animalistic in me. thats why i love shindigs like these.

you can call me the mosh-pit freak.

techno and club music is shit. give me some good rock music to groove to (actually you cant groove to rock, but i'm too lazy to find the right word). and why do people like rap and hiphop? how do you dance to that shit??

why do people hate emopunk? i like emopunk.

Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
Whoo... whoo... whoo...
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo

ok stevie nicks isnt emopunk but i just happened to be listening to this song.

some words on the superficialities in my life:

cramps.

no eyebrows.

wavy hair.

no more clean shirts.

no food in the house.

hungry.

school.

now i lost my eyebrows. i look like someone used a lawnmower on my face! my forehead is practically bald and i have a permanent surprised expression on my face now! how am i spozed to go to school tmr???

woke up late this morning, like around 6:30 AM. felt bad for missing school, so i studied lit until about 9 plus, then i watched TV. then went out to meet dhani. on the way met zhao and waltz. dhani was wearing such a cool outfit! i bought a black shirt so we'd look more similar, but i think i look more like an 80s glam rock fashion disaster. the shirt had a golden sequined dragon on it! but it was cheap so i bought it.

then decided to tidy up my brows, so i went to the cheap one in far east instead of the usual one i go to in paragon. PHWOAR! instead of trimming my brows, the beautician removed them!

then while my face was stinging with pain, i bumped into bernard and jason. this is such bad luck. they didn't even recognise me at first. i shouldn't have said hi, otherwise they wouldn't have seen me. darn! then i decided i couldnt show my face to the world anymore, so went home.

ai~ have to do lit and GP hw.

my hair still refuses to curl. now it hangs there, a mass of waves. but i want CURLS not WAVES. right after school i washed my hair and set it on sponge rollers. then about 15 minutes ago i removed the rollers and my hair is still damp!! and where are my curls?? i've been pottering around the house for 7 hours looking ridiculously stupid and this is what i get?? damp wavy hair??

i'm going to sue the stylist.

my hands smell like garlic. i have garlic breath. but i like garlic.

today another guy walked into my radar. i'm putting him under the "pretty face - non-prospect" category as for now. because he seriously has a pretty face. in fact he is so beautiful you can laugh about it. but i've only spoken a few lines to him, so i don't know about him enough to put him under the "pretty face - prospective" category.

i still hate school though. i hate all the attitude problems oozing out of everybody's pores. some believe they're damned high-powered. some believe that what they say is law. some believe other people's laws. some believe the whole fucking world kowtows to them 3 times a day each morning. some believe everybody else loves them. some believe they love everybody else.

i don't know why people glare at me whenever i call melvin "sumo". it's a compliment!! at least i dont call him "that fat ass" like some people do.

windy isn't it? no it's thursday. so am i, let's have a cup of tea.

i think i irritated many people in my class today because i kept singing broadway songs during lit. but it wasn't my fault! jonathan was trying to see how many musicals and songs i knew, and for this matter i am a scholar of all things ALW. ok not all but at least i know more of it than the average person.

talking to calven. or rather, he talking and me saying "haha ok" after everything he says. he pisses me off! he is SUCH a big sissy!

lionbat84@hotmail.com says:
Friendship forever.
lionbat84@hotmail.com says:
I love sharing friendship with my friends.
Marire Ua Whakahirahira Whatitiri says:
haha ok
lionbat84@hotmail.com says:
I love the feeling of friendship.

have you seen a guy talk like that?!

i shall take this opportunity to say something of no particular importance to world peace.

MY HAIR REFUSES TO CURL!!

it just hangs there from my head, a mop of limp straight hair, despite desperate revving ups from ultra-moisturizing shampoo, nutri-ceramide conditioner, curl enhancing lotion and heated rollers. but no, it just flops from my scalp like a wilted plant.

anyway enough of my hair.

i realized that i'm out of tune today when i attempted to sing in the bathroom. when i got my tune back on track, i realized that i'm not warmed up enough to carry it. then i realized that my vocal chords and diaphragm had gone slack and unwilling to work. so from tomorrow i'm going to dedicated one hour of vocal training to get myself back in shape before lessons start.

i hate school and i don't want to go to school tomorrow. i wish i could forever stop schooling. i wish i could just marry some rich guy and not study or work for my whole life ever. i wish i could burn down the school and murder my classmates and be sentenced to life imprisonment on a desert island in the southern pacific.

campfire nite this friday? count me in! i'm going to laugh at little people!

no potentials yet. my previous infatuation had revealed what a sucker i am to pretty faces. shall look beyond superficialities and materialism next time when looking for a love monkey. methinks i should forget about guys altogether and concentrate on being a better person.

dammit my hair still refuses to curl! must be the fucking dye-job.

how come my powerwebmusic thing doesn't appear? dont you know how important anita mui is to me?

i wish i could fit in. but as usual i stick out like a sore thumb, because try as i might, i can never keep my mouth shut and my hands to myself at the same time. it's one or the other or none. never both.

i dont mind people. but i dont really like them. i prefer to be on my own, be it meditating in the library or singing onstage. even when i do my exercises and barre work, i have to be totally alone. and i hate crowds. oh, crowds are okay if the people are sitting around in the audience and i'm onstage. but crowds absolutely suck when i'm stuck in the middle of one.

eh i think that's why i'm always acting psycho around people. because i want people to get away from me and leave me alone.

i miss 402. at least there i have dhaniah, zhao and the funkalistas. btw i think funkalistas is a pretty chilidish name, like something out of sweet valley kids. but we had fun, didnt we? zhao is great companionship because he always cracks me up and he lets me practise my hairdressing skills on him. and dhaniah. oooh dhaniah. you know how i feel about you already right?

do i always look sad? i'm not looking sad. i'm looking indifferent, because nothing really bothers me and i cant be bothered either. like what i said to clarence, there is nothing going on under my forehead. other than during lectures and tutorials, my mind is like a lake that is smooth and flat like a mirror.

when will charles be back? i'm getting restless already. not to mention out of tune. and growing fat.

haha.

when i was 3, i wanted to become a princess.

when i was 5, i wanted to become an artist.

when i was 7, i wanted to become a dancer.

when i was 9, i wanted to become a gynaecologist.

when i was 10, i wanted to become an actress.

when i was 12, i wanted to become a stockbroker.

when i was 13, i wanted to become a broadway actress.

when i was 14, i wanted to marry an african king.

when i was 15, i wanted to become a rock star.

when i was 16, i wanted to become a movie director for gay porn.

what do i want to be now?

i am so bored with my life. i am itching for adventure. i crave adventure! is my life to be doomed like that forever? i need excitement in my life! i can't go on living like this, monotonous and predictable!

and i am so bored with my life.

i am a hopeless romantic. i believe in love. but i'm am far too idealistic to fall headlong into beautiful sacred love. something's holding me back. something called reality. what am i?

on one hand i am a dreamer. on the other hand i am a hard-headed realist.

that is why i believe i can never have adventure and love in my life.

i watched moulin rouge yesterday. regardless of the fact that i watched it thousands of times, it never fails to take my breath away. fantastic music, beautiful people, amazing cinematography, it's all my fantasies rolled into one great movie.

dhaniah came over in the afternoon. yay! we talked and talked and talked and talked. we talked in the dark, with only one candle for illumination. then we watched beauty and the beast, the special edition, then watched the making of it. it was then i realized how backward and lousy the quality of the cartoon was back in 1991. i've been spoilt by all the fantastic re-editing and pixar animation films.

i dreamt of moulin rouge last night, and i'm going to write a sequel. har har!

my nails are painted blood red to match my dress. took about 2 hours to do a perfect job. and now i'm gonna remove em all and paint em sparkly pink to match tomorrow's outfit.

hoo haa.

got angpows, haven't counted the money yet. whee~. they are pretty thick. hope not thick with 2-dollar notes.

singapore idol. what shit is that. all my relatives are telling me to join. what the fuck? so am i spozed to ride into the room in a scooter am i? dammit i'm not joining singapore idol, get the point? i'm not ready to cheapen myself to the point of being a karaoke wannabe.

gee but i LOVE karaoke. i HATE judges.

went back to anderson today. met the old youknowwho. still feel that flutter. well, there are crushes that will go on forever, even if i'm married with six kids.

cannot go to malaysia this year. this is the first time in my whole life i'm not going to malaysia for the reunion dinner. this is because gorti is in NS and is not allowed to get out of the country. oh yeah. gorti got released from camp yesterday, and came home smelling worse than the boys' toilet. and his hair! botak boy!

i'm so happy gorti is back though. i dont feel so depressed anymore. well i guess my depression stems from being separated from dhaniah and gorti. no one to talk to, no one to confide in.

yay! gorti is back! for 5 days!

i will go to school everyday with a little bottle of kerosene and keep it in my locker. when that locker is full i shall get another locker and fill it with bottles of kerosene. then when i have enough kerosene i will pour kerosene into all the electrical generators and set fire to them. then i shall plant a huge fertilizer bomb in the quadrangle and set fire to it too, when everybody is still having their lessons. then i will shut both gates and chain them up. i will surround the school with kerosene and set fire to it, and i will sit in the bus stop laughing as my schoolmates and lecturers scream in pain and agony.

ah. today was quite a good day, considering it's mutti's birthday today. i saw him yet again in a lecture, but didn't get to interact with him. but i dont care. he's not the only guy. there will be others. i will become more confident and i will lose weight and i will try to be less intimidating.

i ponned GP today with the reason that i have to go overseas today. haha. actually it is spozed to be tomorrow, but i had to meet laura to pass her flinzy's prezzie, since i wont be in school tomorrow. after passing the prezzie i went for last minute shopping. i got a skirt (finally) for myself. then i bought 2 huge candles and a fridge magnet for mutti. then decided to buy a box to put the loot in.

donovan is a fantastic pianist. he never makes mistakes.

i chatted with terri-anne today and found out she was actually really nice. pretty too.

managed to get through the day because i kept running the lines of my theme song through my head. it keeps me sane.

i am beautiful
no matter what they say
words can't bring me down
i am beautiful
in every single way
yes words can't bring me down
oh no
so don't you bring me down today

i'm sitting in the school library, and its spozed to be chinese lesson now but i dont give a fuck and i'm skipping GP this afternoon.

saw him again today. i hate myself for liking him and i hate him for making me like him. but i'm happier now though. after bashing myself on the head a few times and hearing a few dirty jokes, i know now that life is spozed to be run by ME, life is spozed to be happy and goofy like a drawn-out spongebob cartoon.

i have to be myself. i have to love myself, and i do love myself. the difficult part is figuring out who i am, before i can be myself. if you really know me, you'd realise that i have multiple personalities. i think its because i have violent mood swings. i feel confused. but i'm learning.

i wish i was more in control of my feelings. i burst out and clam up like nobody's business and i'm trying so damn hard to be consistent. i'm trying so hard to fit in, but i just stick out like a bloody sore thumb. i hate it when people just sneer at me and trample all over me behind my back, when in front of me they act like they're scared of me.

i have my dignity, thank you very much. i do NOT want to act like a slut. but i'm not a nun either. i'm not a bitch. i have feelings, god damn you.

i think i'm the only sane person in this madhouse of animals in heat. yet they make it out like I'M the one who is crazy, who is strange and mental and deserves to be locked up because she is ugly and unfriendly and prissy.

i hate you all. if you push me any further, i'll burn down the school, all of you included. and i'll stand there laughing with glee while i hear you scream in agony.

sweet revenge.

i hate myself because i have a crush on a guy who does things against my morals. and because of that i try to ignore him and i'm dying inside. and everyday i go to school knowing that i'll never gonna get him because he is way out of my league. because he does things i despise, but i just can't keep my eyes off him because...because he's everything i want to be. good-looking, confident, athletic, charming. he's everything i want to be, so much that i want him.

but i can't have him.

fuck this world. i should buy an inflatable doll.

shitty jackie chan movie. what shit ending was that?!?!

i have a huge crush on guo liang.

yes, that guy who is currently acting as suo er tu in ji xiang ru yi. it's like, whoa! didn't know he could be so hot!

if i could go back in time i'd want to go to the qing dynasty era, in the reign of kangxi/qianlong. cos i think the manchu style makes men look really manly. it's like, you make it or you don't. so pips like tuo zhi will be labelled hopeless and pips like guo liang will be labelled sex god.

yay jackie chan movie on tv now!

my father is the holiest, most devout man i have known personally. he gets up very early to pray and meditate, he doesnt harm animals or insects, he doesnt drink or smoke or eat meat and he is always at peace with himself. he has never harmed another person, he doesnt blaspheme and swear and he goes all out to help others in distress wholeheartedly. but my father is buddhist, not christian.

will he burn in hell too?

buddhism teaches of spiritual purification through reincarnation until one's soul has achieved perfection. buddhism is not devil-worshipping. however we buddhists will still burn in hell because we dont believe in god??

yuxi you are so biased against non-christians. it really irks me when over-zealous christians demean and insult other people of different faiths. you can be buddhist or hindu or muslim or wiccan or sikh or raelian and be the most damned religious person in the world and prolly the most perfect being god has created, and still burn in hell because you're not a christian. leave us alone, and let us believe in what we want to believe. it is not right damning us to hell like that.

if you're so free why dont you damn the evil-doers instead?

who can fix my broken music box?
who can make it come back to life?
who can allow the little plastic ballerina to dance?
who can make me smile as i hear it whirr?
who can make it play "love story" again?
who can make the pureness of the notes tinkle?
let them think it broken
let them think it hopeless
i do not care for i know better
someone will fix my broken music box
and applaud when i sing with it
my voice raising higher and bringing tears
a singer's jewels
together with my broken music box
together with me
together with the one who can fix my
broken music box

-- Me, duh

i hate my school. i hate almost all the people in it. of course there are some decent people, but they arent dhaniahs. the people from single-sex schools act like animals in heat.

god i want to get out of school. or be privately tutored. i love my classes. finally i really enjoy lessons (except econs; thats a different story) and i actually do my assignments (except econs; thats a different story). i pay more attention in all my classes (except econs; thats a different story) and i actually like the lecturers (exept econs; thats a different story).

i was hoping that i would be left alone, but somehow i wasnt spared from the attention of the horny devils. everywhere i turn there will be SJI/CHS/TCH/RI/SA/SP/VS boys trying to look down my shirt or up my skirt. damn this is a SICK world i'm living in now!!

gorti is leaving tmr for NS and i wont be seeing him anymore. except next week for CNY. then he'll be gone for months marooned on tekong. which means i'll get possession of his porn movies.

oh btw i dont want to be a roxy girl anymore. if i become a roxy girl the guys will take more chances with me. as of now i have punched 3 guys, slapped 1 and humiliated 14.

i truly hate my current situation. i wish tomorrow would never come.

i really shouldn't say this, but i'm really jealous of the roxy girls. what are roxy girls? they are the type who buy their clothes from roxy, they come from RGS or SCGS, they have poser boyfriends from ACS (B) and they are always skinny and pretty. so why am i being jealous? i don't really know.

and i seriously believe if i stay on in MI, i'll kill myself or become a roxy girl myself. just today when i was going home from another depressing day at school (and it's only the 2nd day) i was seriously giving thought on being a roxy girl. i even walked into this fashion to try on the denim miniskirts that dhaniah hates so much. but i'll never buy clothes from roxy. too expensive.

if not for my disturbing case of roxyitis, MI was quite a decent school. well, apart from the total lack of guys to look at, the extremely hopeless canteen, the ancient buildings, the mats' tapered pants and this irritating bitch from st. joseph's institution, the school was rather ok. today had the shock of my life. i was sitting in the hall early this morning when i smelled very familiar cologne. so i turned around and PHWOAR!!! a derrick lookalike! i tell you, i nearly choked on my own tonsils.

i feel so greasy and dirty and stinky now, and yet mutti wants me to cook?!

back. too lazy to blog here, blogging mostly on dhan's blog.

kapu kapu kapu kapu

why do people care so much about how they look anyway? some people are afraid that others will despise them at first sight. well you don't have have to worry about anything. i myself wear slippers and shorts to paragon and wander into posh shops too. you don't have to be scared.

everybody seems so depressed nowadays. can't they take a cue from billy and jenny and me and live their lives like a long drawn-out spongebob cartoon? how come it seems like they try so hard to find something to be sad about, pierce every part of their bodies, listen to disturbing music, write self-pitying diary entries, when they could just whip off their clothes and do the super duper sumos routine in the nude and be happy?

no no i don't dance in the nude. i might give some little eyes emotional scars.

by the way i might want to become Ana. i can never be Mia though, cos i hate the taste of puke.

i said nearly though.

anyway my china diary will be up in a few days. i've been recording the events in a notebook while i was there, but some parts have been censored due to sexual content. ha ha.

here i am, back safe and sound. ohhh darling dhaniah how lovely of you to worry about me!! i got you a gorgeous prezzie that nearly blew away all my cash!

i'll be leaving for china tomorrow. i might die in a plane crash.

choi!

touch wood!

i love michael jackson. i don't care what you fuckers say about him but i love michael jackson.

i hate you!

if i ever become a boy, i'll be a cross-dressing gay. like germaine tay says, i am a fag hag. she's right. and i'm not only a fag hag. i really want to become a boy. i wish i was born a boy. you won't know how many times i wake up and wish i had a penis.

don't get me wrong here. i love being a woman. but i would love being a man too.

hokai.

i got new hair. i'm a raving brunnette now with bangs, curls and blond highlights. although it may sound all cushy and stush, the real thing isn't very pretty. now i look like some anime j-pop freak. i'm just back from the salon (emergency repair work) but my hair still looks the same as it was 3 days ago, except now my hair smells a lot better than hydrogen peroxide now.

hazel's in the usa now, that lucky girl. she gets to escape this hellhole called o levels.

later on, if you wanna
we can dress like madonna
put on some eye shade
and join the parade
walkin' round in women's underwear

mom bought some cryonic stuff for me yesterday. included are: skater jeans (WHY?? uber unflattering on my body type), pink fuzzy leg warmers, brown suede sioux-indian boots, brand new set of cosmetics and a gorgeous cheetah printed bra.

oh by the way we spent a whopping $200 on food alone. yum yum.

i'm slapped!

slapped. that must be one of the stupidest words in the anglo-saxon dictionary. it sounds like a fat man's butt cheeks banging together.

dhaniah's thoughts are so depressing. so i'm making an uber-effort to be super cheery and happy today! let me think back on my happy idiotic childhood. when i was nine years old i accidentally knocked out a little boy's teeth. all his front teeth. it was so bloody and gory, but hey, red's a happy colour! besides i didn't know that the stupid rocking horse could smack his face so hard.

when i was twelve i betrayed my 'best friend' by putting a voodoo curse on her. as far as i can say, it is definitely working. isn't that something to be happy about?

hokai.

i wish i have something to cry about instead of living my life like a long drawnout spongebob cartoon. whenever i listen to sad songs, i try so hard to find a reason to cry about, but it seems like everything in my life is too insignificant and shallow to cry about. then i end up reading my sad tragic novels and crying bucketfuls of tears, thinking at the same time "what the fuck am i crying for you sick bitch?"

i wish i have something to accomplish, like completing my piano education, or going for opera lessons or finally finishing my unfinished stories. "You Light Up MY Life", the story of Terra and Elliot, is one of my best works but somehow now i find it shallow and mushy. the ending of "Bad Lads and Berets" was too abrupt. "Vegas Vengeance" (or more commonly known as "Excerpt from the Memoirs of a Cucumber Girl") doesn't seem very convincing to me either.

when you've been alone for a long time, you find that you tend to feel sadder (don't have to find a reason). it happens to me, but i tell myself that i don't have any reason to feel sad. i wonder if that's working. but now i find that i don't really like talking to my family anymore, except for Troll (my brother). i love my family, but i hate interacting.

heck. i'm going to play some happy christmas carols on the piano now.

The coolest girls' night out ever!!! i got $70 from victor and i spent a full $40 on food alone! yum yum!!

hokai.

Meet our latest new uber-kawaii anime superhero, Chumomo the Vacuum Cleaner Mega-Honeystars Warrior! Join Chumomo as she goes forth to annihilate the disgusting dust and dead insects from the face of the earth with her beloved vacuum cleaner, affectionately known as Kodomut. Chumomo absolutely abhors dust and insects and when they come into her way, she will whip out Kodomut and yell, "Mega-Honeystars Power to Kodomut's Sucker!" or whatever lah.

Name: Chumomo
Age: 4
Location: Lives in a high-class apartment with her damn sexy bishoujou older sister Nanasae.
School: Hokey-Pokey Kindergarten School

Name: Nanasae
Age: 24
Location: High-class apartment
Occupation: Movie star, movie sta-a-a-ar

Name: Kodomut
Age: Created when the Universe was born
Story: Was a birthday present from Nanasae to Chumomo, bought from Toys 'r' Us. Gives Chumomo the Mega-Honeystars Power to suck the dust and insects.

hokai.

me del and zcb were walking home when del saw a girl doubled over with pain. we went over to kaypoh but the girl screamed at us to go away. so we went away.

end of story.

if you have noticed, i absolutely hate spending money unless i'm spending it on food. even if i have to buy something extremely necessary, i feel like i'm wasting money. i don't see why some people don't bat a lash when they spend $100 on clothes and unnecessary entertainment. if you want to ask me out, bring me to a place with lots of good cheap food. or else i can cook and bring it over.

entertainment's in the brain, honey. you don't have to pay for it.

hokai.

so i have like a few more hours till geog elect paper. i hate geog elect. but i'm lucky i don't take pure geog. i mean, why learn about mountains and rocks that we're prolly not going to see in our whole lives? but well if you gotta do it, you gotta do it.

after the goddam os i'm going to grab all the junky romance novels and david eddings books i can find and read them all without distraction and panic. i'm only going to stop for meals and occasional computer usage (not that i can use it for long since me brother will be glued to it after his as). don't ask me to go out during the hols. i'll be at home reading and sleeping and watching super duper sumos.

these days i feel really shallow but i don't care. i think i'm turning emo. not that i listen to a lot of emocore or screamo (FYI i listen to folk and country rock and sappy emo-punk), but i'm starting to become really emotional.

i don't know what's happened to me. well if you know me, you know that i'm loud and crazy and imbecilic. but suddenly now i feel so tired. i don't want to amuse people anymore. i don't want people to know i exist. i'm getting scared of people too. i guess i'm like dad. afraid of change. afraid of new things.

when i'm in poly i don't think i want to be miss mad-hatter. i'm just going to blend into the crowd and watch the world go by. i think that will be safer. i just don't want to talk anymore. of course i'll still be the village idiot among my friends, but i guess i won't be making any new friends anymore.

i'm not depressed. in fact i feel very happy right now! depression is for attention-seeking losers.

i think i'll go to live in another country like india, far from my family.

i hate this place.

Dear Mom,
Mom, I know you'll think I'm potty,
But this time I've really found him.
Joe is what they call Midwestern.
Hard to tell you what that means
He is open, optimistic,
And makes ev'rything seem easy,
And what he likes to wear are bright red cowboy boots and jeans.
His idea of an evening is a picnic on the carpet.
I set out fried chicken and a bottle of Chablis.
He sells software and must travel,
so at home he likes relaxing,
And as we talk he runs his fingertips all over....(I'm not telling you this!)
Joe lives down in Greenwich Village
That's a trendy part of New York.
He shares a loft with an attorney
With the unlikely name of Dwight!
Says he'll get my green card,
Unless you and Dad are Cuban.
So if you haven't lied, Mom, I 'ought to be alright.

I have never felt like this,
For once I'm lost for words,
your smile has really thrown me.
This is not like me at all,
I never thought I'd know
The kind of love you've shown me.
Now no matter where I am,
No matter what I do,
I see your face appearing
Like an unexpected song,
An unexpected song that only we are hearing.
I don't know what's going on,
Can't work it out at all.
Whatever made you choose me?
I just can't believe my eyes,
you look at me as though
you couldn't bear to lose me.
Now no matter where I am,
No matter what I do,
I see your face appearing
Like an unexpected song,
An unexpected song that only we are hearing.

i realise that i can never be a big girl. i'll always be the little girl, making mistakes and knowing peanuts. i will always fall for the wrong guy, say stupid things, do crazy things, wear idiotic clothes, try ugly hairstyles etc etc.

hate hate hate.

i wish i could be immune to the opposite sex, but as usual i will get attracted to wonderful mr. wrong who laughs at me and calls me a public nuisance behind my back.

yes i know what you're saying about me because you are so damn obvious (that's on purpose right?) but still i'm stupid enough to overlook that and fall hopelessly in love with you. because one day you're gonna get struck by lightning and i'll be the only one around and you have to come to me for help and by god i'll show you what i can really help you with. i will cut you up into little pieces and throw you to the dogs before screaming how much i love you and i hate you and i really want to rip your manhood to shreds for you to feel what kind of pain you're causing me right now.

what i really want is for you to say hello to me.

ok enough of boy #1. go on to boy #2.

what the fuck do you think i am? do you think it's funny to call me names like that? i've forgiven the fact that you suddenly decided to take a hike and not come back, but to have YOUR asshole friends to call me all sorts of degrading things is unacceptable. i'm past the point of caring what had happened to me and you anyway. i just care about me.

and i still care about you, in a way.

now boy #3.

i'm flattered that you're so nice to me, but can't you see that we're totally mismatched? can't you see that i'm such a two-faced piece of baggage that deserves a good spanking and a billion dollars? you'll grow tired of trying to read my mind, trying to understand my jokes and trying to tell me to act like a girl, so please, wake up and find another girl that responds to your courting. before you turn around and call me names like all those before you.

now to all the fucking apes in the world.

boys suck and they talk rot because all that's inside is rotten anyway.

ok ok i admit! i'm shallow! i'm not like what all you people think!

WHAT I REALLY WANT IS FOR YOU TO JUST SAY HELLO TO ME!!!!

fuck you man. really, fuck you.

you know what's my GREATEST ambition? to be miss universe!!!

however to be miss universe i have to be beautiful and slim, two things that i'm not. and it will be a total scream if the people i know see me wearing a bathing suit and strutting my pot belly on international TV. haha!!

but well, it won't hurt to dream a bit.

let's see, to be miss universe i have to:

1) Lots of plastic surgery.
2) braces.
3) lots of $$$.
4) liposuction.
5) walk gracefully.
6) talk without swearing every 3 words.

that's it. i don't want to be miss universe anymore!!!

click here to find out which asian action superstar you are!

You are Jackie
Chan! you like to take risks. you live for the moment. you are a thrill-seeker.
At heart, you're a really nice person.

you funny, charasmatic and full of energy. although sometimes your goofness
gets you into trouble, your

drunken boxing skills are fabulous! just bring a pot of rice wine with you.

i like taking quizzes. but sometimes i don't like the results.

You're an Emerald. You are goofy and unique. You're
very easy to be with and a lot of fun too. The
type of person someone could be friends with
easily.


What Jewel Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


Senko - "Wizard Child; Hermit Child"
Sponsored by www.life-blood.cjb.net


What would your Japanese name be? (female)
brought to you by Quizilla


You should be dating an Aquarius.
20 January - 18 February
Your mate is communicative, thoughtful and caring.
Though he/she can be tactless and rude and
sometimes self-interested, he/she enjoys the
intellectual experience of sex.


What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
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You're Exotic Dancer Barbie. You have some moves,
and will do anything for a few bucks. Take it
off girl, but keep it PG-13 please.


If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
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anyway off the subject. i plucked off half my eyebrows this afternoon and cried three buckets of tears because of the sheer pain and stupidity on my part.

i need a job. i fucked up my prelims and now i've got a three-month-long vacation full of dirty looks and household chores. i need a job very badly.

i'm too ugly to be a barmaid or a bartop dancer.

i'm too honest to be a salesgirl.

i'm too slow to be a cashier in macdonalds.

i'm too dangerous to be a kindergarten teacher.

i'm too unhygienic to be a toilet cleaner.

i'm too clumsy to be a waitress.

i need a job. but no one wants to hire me!!!!

something v funny. derrick asked delphine to tell me to remove his name from my blog. what?! like as if i said something bad about him. derrick you're being oversensitive. but even if it ruins your reputation that i was your ex-girlfriend, i still won't remove your name because this is MY blog and i can say ANYTHING i want on it.

besides i've already said sorry when we broke up, so it's over between us. man....you've got another girl after me anyway, why still so sensitive when i talk about you?