to my ah gong:

i'm scared he'll die.

i'm not particularly close to him but i love his presence. the way he confusedly waves at me when i wave at him even though i'm standing 3 feet away. i don't know what he says to me because he speaks hokkien but it's usually, "come eat the orange/apple/starfruit/pineapple, it's sweet." i regret those times i tell him i don't want to because i'm full. i should've eaten them all.

he loves my brother not only because he's the pride and joy of the family, but also because when he asks my brother for a diagnosis, my brother says it's okay to drink cognac everyday within reasonable limits.

according to my brother, after his diagnosis, even though he's only a first-year med student, he could tell that ah gong was in serious condition. his ankles were already swollen with water. that was less than 2 months ago. now his heart is swollen with water.

ah gong, i'm sorry for all the times i roll my eyes whenever you call me "PUI BOOOOOOON". i'm sorry for all the times i give you mild heart attacks by poking my head over your window and hollering, "AH GONG! WA DAU KIAH LIAU!"

please don't leave us. i want to say "ah gong jiak peng!" at dinnertime. i want to hear you call me "PUI BOOOOOOOON" again and call my brother "AH-KAAAAANG".

and tell us to eat your fruit.

why don't you pick my nose and eat the shit you find in it?

the monkeys have returned home.

i ate something bad for lunch.

i'm just, blah.

nothing goes on with my life. no mind-blowing, earth-shattering news.

it's a good thing.

but as bland as the porridge you buy from the chicken rice stall.

but i prefer porridge to stingray curry.

by far. by far.

new project: Peace of Tilsit

fell off a stool! i could actually fall off a stool, in the middle of recording!

next time i should just sit on the floor.

i can't fall off the floor.

can i?

i swear to god.

one day i am going to marry a farmer with big paddy fields.

it wouldn't hurt if he was rich and good-looking.

but he MUST have paddy fields.

and 30 buffalos.

my new moisturizer smells so good i have to blog about it.

drama's over and i can finally purge myself of iras.

iras is dead. whoo-hoo!

if you see me walking along the corridors, do not stop to speak to me.

i bite.

especially if you are a certain fat, ugly and untalented female sloth with a high-pitched voice and panty-lines showing through an overly-tight skirt.

the rest of you, ignore me. i am a shadow. i am not your stepping stone to school politics.

if i ever was in school politics, i am the vote-shirker.

i hate the world today.

always plastering fake smiles and screeching falsetto laughter.

showed my true temper today, but only for like 15 seconds. if only i could turn back time and prolong it. draw some blood. taste the fear and shock of the onlookers.

you can laugh, bitch. you can laugh behind my back, then tell me all about it. thank your fucking stars that i have remarkable self-contraint. remarkable initiative and tact. or else you would have scars on that disgusting ill-harmonised visage of yours.

if what you're doing is just to make me jealous, you're doing it the wrong way. you're only making me despise you and hate myself for thinking of you with false glories.

i have paid with time and dignity. it's time for you to pay me back.

Put on my pjs and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight 'cause
Dreams last so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon I know you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you

- jewel, "you were meant for me"

is this love or food poisoning?

sometimes the very thing you're looking for
is the one thing you can't see

and now we're standing face-to-face
isn't this world a crazy place?
just when i thought our chance had passed
you go and save the best for last

- vanessa williams, "save the best for last"

these lines apply to my love life right now.

i am pathetic and juvenile.

oh well i'll feel like such a bad drama club member (and i'm in ex-co) if i don't do this, but yeah.

yjc is putting up a performance. shakespeare's antony and cleo. feb 25 - 27 2005. 7 pm @ yjc auditorium. tickets going at $5 each.

now i feel virtuous.

i'm sick of this existence. i'm sick of this life. everywhere i am surrounded and confronted with mediocrity. i am mediocre. i am incompetent. i can never do this right. i can never score higher than 70% in my tests and essays. i dont have any looks to console myself. i dont have any brains to insult others.

but i'm glad i still have my trusty friends and teddy bear.

i know i shouldn't be mad or throw a hissy fit, but i feel kinda hurt that you guys left me out.

but why should i feel hurt when i never really was part of your group anyway?

who cares. i have better things to do.

*picks chainsaw from the ashes*