triple fuck and double merde. i typed a super long entry and then lost it.

shall summarize:

1) went to northland
2) met a cute anonymous guy
3) met auntie iris
4) found out how much she and auntie yin and uncles jason and albert has put into building the school
5) considering joining alumni

swollen pregnant pig in sequins.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

that was the funniest thing i've ever heard. i've got to tell my mom this, since she was the one who made me wear that shirt.

by the way sam, no matter how sucky you say my singing is, it's still one of the hundred best in singapore. so regardless whether you can sing or not, it's still better than yours, right?

dhaniah, don't be too pissed. this isnt the first time anyway, and hopefully sam would learn some manners. we can't blame the child. we gotta blame the parents for not bringing the child up the right way.

hey, devon aoki is one the most beautiful women in the world. she is NOT ugly. if you think she's ugly, you're probably just jealous cos you are ugly yourself.

if i could have a celebrity face, i'd have devon's.

dinner was fun! we went to the french restaurant at sembawang near the jamming studio, and munkitty and i ordered the fish, and hong bee and jas-jas ordered the pork, and we ended up swopping plates.

when jas-jas and i did the "lou lou skip to my lou" thing, it was so funny i almost slipped on the floor cos it was so wet with rain.

i wonder if the toilet's still flushing.

i feel mopish too.

when you spend 5 hours a day in a darkened and freezing room, doing nothing but stare and paint still life, listening to the depressing new age music miss lee puts on, you'd feel mopish too.

i was on tv tonight.

the whole of singapore and johor has witnessed my humiliation as i attempted to sing while i was convalescing and high on antibiotics. but hey, at least ken lim liked me. and dick lee liked my shirt, although he didnt like me.

anyway SI is such a commercialised show, with not a hint of culture.

dhaniah, you're fucking lucky you were completely cut out of the show. at least people didn't witness your humiliation.

but damn, i was funny, wasn't i?

i had two slices of pizza for dinner, and they only tasted good because i was so hungry. we were spozed to wait till miss lee comes back from her graduation thing from NIE, but when the pizza arrived before the lady arrived, we ate one whole pizza in 2 minutes. then we decided to wait for 40 minutes. so 40 minutes went by and still no sign of the lady, we ate anyway and left 3 slices for the lady. so she finally arrived, and she took a slice, and that was it. hong bee and unlimited took the last two slices since they were after all the president and vice-president.

miss lee asked if any of us ever thought of being a teacher, cos she thinks she might want to open an alternative education school. i suggested we move to new zealand and open one there.

if only that would happen.

cried buckets of tears after watching Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights on DVD. it was so depressing, yet wildly romantic. the only thing i didnt like was that juliette binoche wasnt right for the roles of both cathys. she was too calm and gentle for the spitfire older cathy, and too mature for the young and flirty younger cathy.

but i think ralph fiennes was fantastic for heathcliff. that wild long hair, fierce manic gaze was so damn sexy too, just like heathcliff was supposed to look like. his intense staring and harsh, yet poetic words was so stirring, and the part where he grabs the dead body of the older cathy, shuddering with sobs, with his hands all bloody cos he smashed the window to get in made me melt into a swimming pool and i myself almost suffocated in my own sobs.

another sexy part was when hareton earnshaw was digging in the yard topless.

it isnt a great movie, but i still like it. i hope they'll remake it with better music cos the string section tends to get into overdrive in this one.

have been reading The Encyclopedia of Greek and Roman Mythology and Annotated Fairy Tales.

some are quite hair-raising. to think that zeus was bisexual and lusted after ganymede and seduced him in the form of an eagle. to think that little red riding hood originated as a porno story.

then there are those fairy tales in which the prince does nothing but lazes around doing nothing but in the end marries the heroine who went through blood and sweat in order to marry the prince that lazes around doing nothing.

and even worse are the stories in which the princess does a mistake and curses the entire family/palace/kingdom and then lazes around doing nothing waiting for some handsome prince to come kiss her and make everything all right.

and there are those cannibalistic stories in which little children are cooked and eaten, and these are prolly the stories that are read to hannibal lector when he was a kid.

i have yet to read one fairy tale that makes me happy.

quote: do i love you because you are beautiful, or are you beautiful because i love you?

i agree with you dhaniah. love sucks if nothing happens to you. love sucks even more if you want something to happen but nothing happens. at least if shit happens, it's still something. but if nothing happens, that's just...nothing.

loves sucks the worst when you're doing almost everything you can, but nothing happens.

turn to stone
lose my faith
i'll be gone before it happens

- Madonna "Turn To Stone"

i'm going to forget about him. i've been waiting for something to happen, but since it hasn't happened until now, i'm going to stop waiting. cos it won't happen.

according to my tarot reading done by miss lee, for my love life i must be patient. i picked a seven of cups, and it was about psyche begging aphrodite to let her see eros. (how spooky...to think i was researching on eros and psyche!) so miss lee said it meant that i have to be patient and go through a lot of hardship before i can win my love.

i have gone through so much...i can't imagine what more to come. is it worth it for him?

nah. it's not worth it...i simply don't exist in his world. why should i pursue a guy who takes no notice of me?

what i want is a guy who worships me day and night and lets me slap him around. like that guy in My Sassy Girl.

ok here's the deal.

since you like playing games, i'll play it your way.

let's see if you can win this game!

i'm up for any challenge now. i'm fair game. i used to be down and dopey, but not anymore. it's me back in business.

hang on to your husbands, girls. cos i'm here to stay!

i'm sitting here in the AIR or some call it the art IT room using the big and beautiful computer. i just came from the audi where the guys were having their guy scenes. it was fun showing off my artworks and the guys went, "eee naked body!" at the cupid and psyche watercolor i did last friday.

i told nash the whole story of cupid and psyche, and everytime i paused for breath, he said, "huh? so it ended like that?"

they examined my decoupage of marilyn monroe on my art box and asked, "is she madonna?"

they saw my sketch of daphne and said, "why her hands like branches?" and i told them the story of how apollo wanted to rape daphne and she turned into a laurel tree to save herself.

then nash asked, "apollo is zeus issit?"

i had been talking to a bunch of baboons.

i think i better get off now. miss lee might come in any moment.

this is my third post of the hour.

it's the mosquito ring, i swear.

no matter how many times i try to suppress this ugly thought, i can't help but say it out loud.

I AM SO JEALOUS.

jealous of who? jealous of all those people who are attached. argh...i can't believe i just said that. i'm so damn fucking swallowed up with envy.

am i such an intimidating person?

actually yes i am.

but that's how i am, and i don't want to change. i want to wait for the perfect perfect perfect one to come along, but lately i'm getting fucking impatient. i know that for these things i have to let the goddesses decide but hell my fuse is getting shorter. fuck you eros for planting that arrow right through my head.

and what also drives me wild is that maybe HE is right under my nose (whoa he must be one hell of a short guy if he's under my nose) but i can't see him (since he is under my nose). guy under my nose, get out and let me see who you are!

what a fucked up world i'm living in.

but how beautiful it is!

i'm sitting here in my stinking uniform and inhaling the ashes of the mosquito ring wallowing in self-pity, but then i hear the gentle birdsong somewhere beyond my window. and the crickets' mating call.

i'm giving up on this certain boy. i have a feeling that maybe i didn't want him as much as i thought i wanted him. maybe i had just made a pretty suit of clothes and put it on him, and fell in love with the clothes and not him. like i said, we are all just dirt and water. i don't know if i liked his trees and flowers, or maybe i might grow to despise his dirt and water.

after all, there are other dirt and water out there that actually pay me more attention than that particular dirt and water.

even if there weren't any dirt and water, there will always be my dhani girl, betty boop and miss lee.

hokai.

been lazy, haven't i?

well the good things:

painted a lovely cupid and psyche painting
hair behaving well
skin at tip top condition
lost 1 kg
waist 23 inches
did my laundry
did my ironing

the bad things:
brand new (hokai, so it was secondhand) nokia 3650 kena stolen
mutti mad at me
me mad at mutti
ceased to exist in a certain boy's world
written report seriously undone

i'm feeling so sad...this is the worst PMS ever. my PMSes last 3 weeks. so you can pretty much say i'm permanently having PMS.