why do you put on make up?
because i am a rock star
why don't you wear a bra?
so my tits feel free

some bastard hacked into my friendster account and deleted my testimonials.

hello i know i've made lots of enemies, but don't you think deleting my testimonials is kinda pathetic to get back at me?

useless pook.

i received my first birthday present for this year!

it's a hang on the box cd from rouv, a made in china, marketed in japan, ordered from switzerland and sent to singapore present, via the joys of amazon.com .

they don't sound so bad actually, if you ignore the bad language and grammar. the music's pretty good.

hahaha i went to watch the rugby match today, and guess who i saw?

wong chin hua.

*shudder*

heard from marvin his nickname is now FAFA, which means Fuck And Fly Away. a fitting name for a fitting fucker.

have an ulcer on my tongue due to the snickers bar i ate this morning. double poo for the ulcer and yummy scrumboes for the candy.

i used to like to read this particular story. so i dug it out and read it a few moments ago, and realised that i'm sick of the whole story.

i kissed daryl. and everybody was flabbergasted. nobody knew why both of us just kissed. daryl doesn't really know too. i know i don't know.

for your info it was a play kiss. no lesbian tendencies. at least on her part. i'm bisexual, but i'm not interested in daryl.

i am addicted to the foot reflexology machine.

you know some people are categorized into categories like "ladies' men", "men's men", "men's women" and "women's women"? well i certainly don't fit into the first two categories because i don't have a penis. then also i'm definitely not a men's woman, because i don't behave like one. that leaves "women's woman". what a joke. if any woman would ever look up to me as a role model, i'd personally escort her to woodbridge mental hospital.

so what am i? i'm a freak ladyboy!

*laughs like stuffed toy*

what i love about yishun jc:

- no more fucking pinafore
- i get to wake up at 6.45 AM, go through my routine slowly and leave house at 7.30 AM
- less people tell me to shut up when i sing
- funny classmates
- drama
- taking A level art
- scaring the bejesus out of meiling

what i hate about yishun jc:

- no dhaniah
- GP lessons
- going home late
- reading period everyday

the new gang:

the poops of 118 (daryl, meiling, xingjia, joreen, devi, shene, aarthi, meifeng, zude, minghui, shafi, zarieo, andy, kailin, roche, jag, kah eng, yaofeng, chuanmin), the cast of antony and cleopatra (betty! baizura! cherry! leonard! aidil! and the thousand and one people i don't know the names of), retard-chinese classmates (xiaoyuan, tiffany, amberlin, ian, calvin, james)

favourite places:

library

the beetle is dead.

yay! happy 4th anniversary! i've been blogging for 4 years, since i was in sec one. but back then i didn't use blogger, i used this cheapo thing called freeopendiary.com and most of my entries were the typical prepubescent rantings. i remembered i used to badger other people to set up their blogs or internet diaries and they all said they didn't want to. now almost everybody has a blog.

shows how much people listen to me.

school was even more zanier than yesterday. got into trouble and it wasn't my fault. i went into the toilet, then realised that meiling wasn't behind me, so i opened the door and meiling was there, about to open the door and she just gave this huge scream and tumbled onto the ground. then a dozen teachers appeared and demanded an explanation for us disrupting their tutorials.

at drama practice, i made mr spencer laugh so much that he threatened to whip me with a little cane.

the silly beetle trap is still taped to the wall.

school was crazy as usual, with meiling's usual shrieks and freak-out sessions. i went to check on my pot and the usual gang (daryl, meiling, xingjia, joreen, zude) trotted over to the art room to KPO and we ended up having a slurry fight. slurry's soggy clay with the consistency of yogurt, except it looks like cat vomit. i'm proud to announce i completed 2 pots and is going to make a ceramic plate.

i think daryl's such a cool name. and daryl's this really cool GIRL.

had this lame-assed student welfare meeting and we the lame-assed student welfare committee are spozed to sign up for either one of the four departments. i wanted to sign up for counselling but when i saw those freaky bitches especially that exceptionally ugly airhead with the hideous hairstyle signing up for counselling i changed my mind and signed up for pastoral care. pastoral care sounds like gardening to me.

vati bought a acupoint massage cum foot reflexology machine. he looks damn funny sitting in front of the TV all wired up. and just now he hit the setting too high and he started yelling in pain and i fell off my chair trying to see if he was in danger. dear old vati.

*tries to swallow chainsaw*

three of the priorities on my life goals list: asian blepharoplasty, rhinoplasty and liposuction.

i checked out asian blepharoplasty, it costs US$600 in thailand. not bad. the only thing that makes my skin crawl is that one particular picture of the operation, with the eyelid flipped inside out and all the blood flooding the eye and running down the cheek.

mutti says she will definitely do all three.

jasdeep's parents are fighting.

i feel sad for sharon.

my parents don't fight. they just ignore each other.

dear ******,

how's it been over there? have they been treating you good? it's been over two years since you left...but the hole you left behind is still here. but it's beginning to close. i don't want it to ever close though, because i don't want to ever forget you.

i want to say, thank you for making me who i am today. you taught me to respect myself, to believe in myself and that i can let everyone down, but i must never let myself down. i wish you'd never left, because then i wouldn't have committed those things which i wish i didn't. but i know i shouldn't be selfish but keeping you here when it's time for you to go.

when you left, i had no clear idea what to do with my life. but now i am glad to tell you that i have already fixed my goals. i hope you will be proud of me. i know you would be. when you left, my life was a total wreck. i flunked all my subjects. but now i've made it into junior college! and i'm not going to stop here. i'm going on to university, then on to europe. then i will be a teacher and teach what i love best. i will be a teacher, and be what you always wanted to be.

you know something? there are times i hated you. but not for long. you are like a second mother to me. i could never hate you for long, because all you did for me were for my benefit. you've sacrificed your youth, your time and your life on me. it's the greatest sacrifice a person could do for me.

i still love you. i will always love you. everytime i think of you, or look at your pictures, i still cry. but the tears don't hurt me now. the tears i cry for you is a balm that heals all that aches inside my heart.

love,
me

P.S. this song is for you. everytime i sing it, i sing it for you.

Through the darkness,
I can see your light
And you will always shine
And I can feel your heart in mine
Your face I've memorized
I idolize just you

I look up to everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
I've loved you for so long
And after all is said and done
You're still you
After all, you're still you

You walk past me
I can feel your pain
Time changes everything
One truth always stays the same
You're still you
After all, you're still you

I look up to everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
And I believe in you
Although you never asked me to
I will remember you
And what life put you through

And in this cruel and lonely world
I found one love
You're still you
After all, you're still you

oh now i remember. i was wondering why people say i'm weird and strange when there are clearly weirder people around me. take meiling for instance. she screams and freaks out whenever i smile at her. today i went to orchard with betty after drama rehearsal, and she kept saying i was weird. well betty, i think you're weird too, so that makes the two of us.

aidil said i was mean. was i being mean? i just said you didn't have a sense of humour that's why you couldn't join in our hysterical laughing fit on wednesday.

mutti said that i have to act more like a girl. hey, but at least i don't act like a boy. i act like a hermaphrodite. i am well-balanced.

baby i miss you like the desert miss the rain

IXUS i canon $590 - $650
june 1st
october 20th

shit.

i forgot what i wanted to say.

i found another bunch of pornos in my brother's room, so naturally i watched them. since when did my brother got interested in all these scandinavian and russian girls? all the while he's been watching normal asian pornos.

pornos do nothing for me. i just watch them to see if there are any shameless and shapeless pornstars to laugh at.

was chatting online with this guy from denmark (rene? i can't remember what's he called) and we started to talk about the usual stuff. then i remembered something about what my mom told me after i honestly rejected this boy i met in china. she said i was insensitive and tactless. HA! if i'm insensitive and tactless, i don't know what she is.

but then i start to think, i AM insensitive. just today during lunch, shafi, andy and zude were telling me that i should act more like monica. they said i was too violent and tomboyish etc. well, fuck that. i can be who i want to be. if guys think i'm this rabid chimpanzee (or orangutan), then too bad. haven't you heard that abuse is a form of love? i whack you guys because i consider you guys my friends. if i don't whack you guys means i don't give a rat's ass about you.

also, i don't really care about other people's feelings. i don't give a damn what you think, and i don't give a damn about you. the only people who i really care about are my brother, dhaniah, vicky, canny and serene (the last three are my paternal cousins). those are the people i love. do i love you? i don't think so.

another thing about me that you guys have to know. i have massive mood swings.

i broke my previous solitaire record!!!

Score: 13875
Time: 53 sec

i am invincible!

oh i could hide beneath the wings
of a bluebird as she sings
the six o'clock alarm will never ring
but it rings and i rise
wipe the sleep out of my eyes
my shaving razor's cold and it stings

cheer up sleepy jean
oh what can it mean
to a daydream believer
and a homecoming queen

stayed back in school to continue making my pot in the art room. it's beginning to look like a toilet bowl, and the surface of the pot looks like the cellulite on a fat woman's ass. i was singing with baizura as we made our pathetic pots, and mr lim came in and stared at me and said, "joey is there something wrong with you today? so talkative and noisy."

hmm. does it mean that everytime in art class i'm this quiet little nincompoop?

well rouven likes those songs. i always thought there something weird in him anyway. he really loves those songs, he actually wants to buy all three hang on the box albums. or was it the last album? i don't know.

baizura proposed a dramababes' lunch every wednesday at northpoint before drama rehearsals. i think it's cool, as long as it doesn't involve the dramafags.

i'm starting to like alexas more and more. i don't mind giving up the role of cleopatra to concentrate fully on alexas and singing girl. canny called me long-distance from malaysia and begged me to help her with her english homework. and it's about cleopatra. i spent about 2 hours telling her the history of the woman-pharoah in retard chinese. and i'm rather proud of myself. i spoke chinese for 2 hours!

damn! it's hot in here.

i asked aarthi what she thought of scandinavian men. she asked me what the hell they were. AARTHI!! don't you know what's scandinavia?! and i thought you knew everything!

if you want to hear absolute frivolity, listen to any song by shonen knife or hang on the box or the wuliao contingent. shonen knife is a japlish punk band, all-girl, hang on the box is the chinese equivalent of shonen knife and the wuliao contingent is made up of the 4 great nonsensical punk bands in china, one of them being brain failure.

shonen knife "hokey pokey"

you put your reft hoot in,
you put your reft hoot out,
you put your reft hoot in and you shake it rall rabout
you do the hokey hokey and you turn yourself around
that whats its rall rabout!

hang on the box "yellow banana"

yellow banana yellow banana yellow banana oh-oh!

(repeat that line for the whole song)

hang on the box "kill your belley"

kill your belley
kill my belley
kiss your belley
kiss my belley
kill your belley
kill my belley

fah-kew i dont need you
fah-kew i dont need you
fah-kew i dont need you
fah-kew i dont need you

sitting here, listening to the sun yanzi song "yu jian". feeling lonely.

don't look at me like i'm some kind of freaky maniac, always ha-ha-haing with my deodorant spray can in my hand and making funny faces. every night i spend hours writing letters to my penpals. i have many penpals. what? i don't look the type that write long letters to faceless people and mope about in my diary?

never judge a book by its cover.

i do many things in my private life which you guys don't know. i'll just list a few: writing letters, writing in my diary, drawing pictures, creating wuxia stories, watching pornos and listening to sad looking-for-love songs.

i don't think many people read my blog religiously anymore. since i stopped being funny and foul-mouthed. it tires me. all these activities tire me, posing, laughing, being funny. i just want to hide in an island with nobody around, nobody that i have to entertain. because i am always entertaining people without knowing it. it's a vicious cycle. i just want to be another nobody, a face in the crowd. but i cant. i have to be the clown. it's in my blood.