CUP~ US TILL THE WORLD GO ROUND!!!
CUP~ US TILL THE WORLD GO ROUND!!!

these two stupid lines keep running through my head. and the stupid improvised tune too.

today i auditioned for antony and cleopatra, and i really really really really want the role of iras but somehow i think its impossible now, since i got the role of girl rome, some bawdy opera singer. mr spencer said it was a sexy operatic song. like real. it's more like a rowdy beer song, and added with the tuneless male shouts of "CUP~ US TILL THE WORLD GO ROUND!!! CUP~ US TILL THE WORLD GO ROUND!!!" it completes the picture of a cheesy beer commercial. it was pretty embarrassing to have to stand on a table too.

*hacks off head with chainsaw.*

i saw you again today. although you didnt talk to me, and i watched you from afar, you're still the one i want for life. i have never felt for someone for so long, nearly four or five years, until i knew you. you were always at the back of my mind. it doesnt matter if you dont reciprocate my feelings. i know it is impossible for us to be together. impossible. it's not that i've no hope, but fate has made us never to be together. but you know, although i may love somebody else, although i may end up bearing six children and marrying thrice, i will always belong to you.

however you will never know.

got the new prison uniforms today. then sent the skirts for alteration, to shorten the hem so i wont look like some fashion disaster. bought my shirts too big, so it looks like i'm wearing sails. but i dont care much about the shirt. then when i went to collect the skirts in the afternoon, they turned out too short so i look like a mamasan in miniskirts with tree trunk legs.

damn.

i got sentenced to the right day prison. yip yip yip.

mutti wants to go for marie france!!

someday i'm going to be rid of the fucking pigmentation under my eyes. i've been looking like a panda due to it for years since i was 10!! i'm definitely going for plastic surgery and liposuction.

tomorrow i'm going to find out which day prison i'm going to get sentenced to. hopefully it's the one near my home so i wont have to wake up so torturously early anymore.

poor dhani's computer is down. so i shall blog for her! hehehehe.

i give up trying to bleach my skin.

i dont know why i do this to myself. after weeks of torturing my skin to be as bleached as possible, i go out in the sun today and it's back to square one.

horrid tanned skin.

some kind of cross-country cum beach party thing at sentosa today. spent most of my time sitting in the shade facing the sea so the wind is blowing at me directly. dhaniah arrived so late, the event was over when she came. then we sat in the monorail and went about the island twice criticizing singapore's pseudo-culture and laughing at the cement dinosaur. had dinner then began the long and tiring journey home.

correction.

on the left side of my head, my hair is smooth and straight. on the right side, my hair is wavy.

i blow-dried my hair straight, seeing that even if i curled my hair with thongs my hair will end up wavy. so i blow-dried it straight and then used a flat iron and straightened out the remaining waves. not bad. now i look like what i look before the perm, with longer straight hair.

then poof! five minutes later my hair is wavy again.

*hacks hair off with chainsaw*

The heart is slow to learn
The heart is slow to learn
These feelings that I feel
Are foolish but they're real

I'm wise enough to see
This love will never be
And each day's like the last
When living in the past

I now it's mad
And you won't return
But then as I have said
The heart is slow to learn

I've never loved
As I have loved you
Why is love cruel
I wish I knew

Say what you will
It doesn't matter
Until I die there's only you
Until I die there's only you

The heart is slow to learn
The heart is slow to learn
You'd think there'd be a way
To shut out yesterday

Perhaps if I just thought
Of all the times we fought
I'd try to live, but no
There's still no letting go

I know it's mad
And you won't return
But then as I have said
The heart is slow to learn

Why is love cruel
I wish I knew

Say what you will
It doesn't matter
Until I die there's only you
Until I die there's only you

Why is love cruel
I wish I knew

Say what you will
It doesn't matter
Until I die there's only you
Until I die there's only you

The heart is slow to learn

i'm pretending that i'm dumped for no reason. i watch sad movies, listen to sad songs etc. this is what happens when i stay at home too long.

from now on you stay away from me. i've wasted thousands and thousands of kisses on you, kisses that i thought were special because of your lips and your smile and all your colour and life. i used to think that was the real you when you smile, but now i know that you don't mean any of them. you just save it for all your songs. shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed so tight.

hey dont look so serious, i'm just practising what to say just in case i get dumped in future. dont you think its such a beautiful, poignant piece?

fyi: i got those lines from faye when jimmy dumped her in the movie that thing you do.

oh no. dhani said that the color of my face and neck dont match. apparently my face is lighter than my neck, which i neglect putting the bleach on.

i feel like michael jackson.

i hear rain falling on the palm trees outside. very gentle rain. but still rain anyway. i dont have the aesthetic sense to admire daffy stuff like rain and sunsets and dying birds. i prefer looking at people.

tried painspotting today. i saw 2 flamboyant groins, 5 broadsheets, 3 oral-stinkers (they smelt like dried saliva, eyugh), 1 ventilator and 2 jabbers.

after singing class i went for dinner with dhani and then we sat at the fountain outside ngee ann city and she did a gross thing. she stuck her hands into the water. so to stop her from doing it, i did a grosser thing. i spat into the water.

i'm somehow glad i live in the city. yet i want to live in the countryside. what do i want? i dont know. a city-countryside.

i'm currently wallowing in self-pity. i'm having the most explosive period of my life and my cramps are equal to labor pains. i've run out of money to buy my own pads so now i'm using mutti's ancient cotton life-buoys as a substitute. the room is getting very dark now that it's going to fucking rain again.

so i'm going to do some cheering up!

1. everybody likes me!

2. i lost 2 kg!

3. gorti is coming home from army for the weekend!

4. no, gorti is coming home tomorrow for his A level results!

5. my hair curls again!

6. i managed to do well enough to get into YJC!

7. i finally found black eyeliner!

8. got a pretty windchime!

9. my skin is distinctly smoother!

10. i remembered to wash the dishes!

life isnt so bad after all. la la la~ i'm so happy!

*swings chainsaw in an arc*

mutti said my obssession with getting my face as pale as possible is getting to the point of mania. well its true. i dont know why but i'm going to extreme pains to get my skin looking like a sheet of computer paper. i use whitening facewash, whitening toner, whitening exfoliator and even the ridiculously expensive whitening facial cream made of phyto silver and crushed freshwater pearls.

but after that cursed day at the beach my skin refuses to return to its original paleness.

i just got back from the mall. i was getting supplies. i bought facewash, socks, eyeliner, nail file and decided to waste money on a pretty windchime.

i could've saved $1 if i bought the facewash at guardian, not watson's. damn!

i had a dream i went to the philippines on a plane all by myself!! it was so cool. i was packing all my stuff and i got my passport and plane ticket and then somehow i got abducted. and i was running running back to the airport to board the plane on time. then i realised my luggage was at home. then i called my mom, and she said, "i'll bring them for you." and 3 seconds later she came with the luggage. so i boarded the plane.

then i woke up.

the song "i'm with you" by lavigne is echoing in my head. because that's the song i'm playing on the piano now. i've never really heard her sing this song, so right now i'm singing it like a broadway song. i think it sounds better as a classical song. at least i think i sing better than lavigne.

my cousin pronounced avril lavigne as "ar-reel lah-vig-nay".

i watched mary poppins this afternoon. if i were to meet mary poppins in person, i'd slap her in the face. she's so rude!!! the kids were being so nice and she treats them like dirt. bert is obviously in love with her, and she acts like he's a fly on her sleeve. fuck her supercallifragilisticespiallidociously.

i had a tarzan-themed dream last night. but i wasnt jane. i was tarzan!

hahaha woke up to check my privates.

late-night ramblings

she first saw him in the classroom
he wasnt from her class
but he had friends there
she gave no thought about him
his frizzy hair
his acned skin
his crooked teeth
but one day on the way to class
he smiled at her
and suddenly she thought he was cute
and day by day
her feelings grew
as feelings are wont to do
until every single moment was
entirely dominated by him
her friends didnt understand
here she was
a pretty, popular girl
totally infatuated with a boy
who had a face like a frozen pizza
who was just a little taller than she was
she craned her neck just to see him walk past
she took every possible chance
to casually walk past his class
after school when it was quiet and empty
she sat at his desk and stayed for hours
but the day came when he said
"stop looking at me, you stalker.
please go away."
then she saw the name of another girl
a girl less pretty, less intelligent than she
carved and scratched into his arm
she cried
many months passed.
she no longer smiled at him when they crossed paths
she no longer looked at him when he was around
she tried to forget him
she got a boyfriend
handsome, popular, and deeply in love with her
but she could not forget the boy
a year passed
she got another boyfriend
handsome, smart, and hopelessly devoted to her
she thought she loved him
but she could not forget that boy
and now, three years after the first day she saw him
no longer in the same school
no longer speaking to each other
she still thinks of him
writes of him
and would never forget that boy.

isnt this such a sad sad story? i usually write such sad emo stories by hand and keep them in my writing box, but now i'm just too lazy to take it out and besides the inspiration just hit me and i didnt want to lose any detail.

remind me not to fucking drink coffee ever again. coffee is not meant for my system. caffeine poisons my delicate veins. i just had a cup of coffee porridge (coffee and soggy mashed-up army biscuits) and now i feel sick.

coffee sucking fucks.