hong kong was great, the weather wasn't hot or cold, just wonderfully cool and the best thing, you don't sweat.

so i took the plane on wednesday and touched down in Hong Kong International Airport at about 6 PM. it gets dark pretty early though, at 6.30 PM it's like 8 PM in singapore. we took a cab to Tsimshatsui (hereafter known as TST) and got off at The Salisbury, which is a hotel. this lady from the HK branch of samsung was sent to meet us at the hotel, and she took us to this super posh restaurant for dinner (the chef has competed in Iron Chef). she's called alice, and she's quite funny although i don't understand half of what she's saying cos she talks like a bullet train. she thinks i'm only 14, and was quite shocked to find out i'm gonna be 18 next year.

you wouldn't believe the dinner. they served REAL scallops as big as your fist. and a roasted pidgeon, which i didnt have the heart to eat. i drank alot of the seafood soup though. the food was fanbloodytastic although i had to chew with my front teeth. after dinner we walked the streets of TST, and then my mom came across this megasale in HK Esprit, and we happily inaugurated the start of our Super Hong Kong Powershopping Quest. i bought a fantastic pair of pants, and the attentions of a rather cute salesboy came free.

the hotel was fine, except for one thing. it was fucking cold, and i didnt realise i set the damn air-con to cold and not heater. the first night i slept wearing socks, slacks, t-shirt and cardigan.

day 2 dawned lovely and clear. we decided to continue shopping in TST, but first we had to answer the call of our tummies. so we went to a restaurant for dim sum breakfast. although it was a lower-end restaurant, the food was wonderfuckinglicious. i normally hate prawns, but the prawns in hong kong deserve a bloody worship. they are all firm and crunchy and sweet, and i bet you'll LOVE them.

anyway, my mom wanted to get dried stuff like dried scallops and abalone, so we took the MTR which looks like the MRT. however we took a detour and went to this place called Causeway Bay, which is in Hong Kong Island (TST is in Hong Kong Mainland). we popped into SOGO, which looks like Takashimaya or Tangs only more expensive, then to HMV, where i saw a wonderful collection of pornos, even the whole DVD series of La Blue Girl. I tried to psyche my mom into buying A Chinese Torture Chamber Story, but she wasn't convinced when she saw the rather provocative DVD case (naked Yvonne Yung strapped to a table being whipped, her interesting parts blacked out).

we MTRed down to Sheung Wan, and got lost there trying to find the dried goods market. when we asked some old ladies how to get there, they said we're already in there. so it wasn't exactly a market, just about 4 streets of shops, where EVERY DAMN SHOP SELLS DRIED GOODS.

having found and bought about 10 years' supply of scallops and abalone, we MTRed to Mong Kok to look for the famous Ladies' Market, which looks like a pasar malam with lots of ang moh tourist. i heard this blondie bargaining with a shopkeeper, "it's too expensive, i'm not rich you know. i'm not from america, i'm from bolivia." right, you texas girl. only ignorant hongkies won't recognise that obvious texan twang. i bought floppy socks to go with my cosplay costume, an interesting frilly denim skirt and my mom saw this Lo Hong Kah stall and she dragged me over there. it's this famous hong kong brand of bird's nest and aloe vera. we bought two jars of aloe vera, meant for breakfast, but a few hours later we finished it before bed.

we MTRed back to TST, and went into this cake shop to buy egg tarts. then it happened. he was kind of tall. he had a goatee and longish hair, and he wore a dark blue hoody and baggy jeans. good-looking. we stood about 7 cm apart, and he was holding a loaf of bread. when i left, he gave me a glance, a quick furtive glance, and a tiny half-smile. i looked away and looked down.

just one glance. i was such a sucker.

but this is fate. fated to be only One Glance.

anyway sanity returned to me and we went back to the hotel to dump our things. then we went out again, this time to see the famous Symphony of Lights. it's spozed to be this light and laser display where you stand at the Hong Kong Harbour and you look across at Hong Kong Island, and the lights and lasers come from the skyscrapers there. we walked there cos it was just across the road from the hotel, and damn the lights are bullshit. there's no music, and all you see is just some flashing lights.

we walked to the Avenue of Stars, which is similar to the one in Hollywood, cept that the names you see on the floor are HK movie stars. we tooks pictures of the tiles, and i put my hands into Jackie Chan's handprints. then we went back to the hotel cos it was almost 11 PM.

day 3 was fine. we decided to go to the HK museum of art. it was cool, cept there was virtually no one there. my mom was very surprised at the fact that people in china wore gold jewelry even back in the neolithic times. i visited the chinese art exhibitions, and that was it. it was a small museum. we went to the performing arts section, and i bought a norah jones score book. my mom received a call from another hong kong business associate, and that lady invited us to dinner, so we said fine. we had some time to kill so we went to this place called Harbour City, similar to Suntec City. we strolled here and there but didn't really buy anything. maybe we did, but i can't remember anything at this moment.

we went back to the hotel to freshen up, then we met with that lady, Elsie. we took a cab to the most famous seafood area in hong kong, the name which i cant remember, and whoopee what a great place that was. you choose what fish or sea animal you wanna have from tanks, and boy those creatures are HUGE. we saw this 13-year-old garoupa, and it's so FAT, it's fatter than ME, and longer. it took up one whole tank.

elsie says you choose the raw materials, then you choose the restaurant. so she chose the best and most expensive restaurant. the raw materials are then sent to the restaurant, and the restaurant cooks it. THE SEAFOOD WAS WONDERFUCKINGLICIOUS. words can't describe it. we had prawn balls (prawns made into balls, not their real balls), steamed fish (as big as my arm), sotong (soooooo soft and chewy), abalone (fresh ones....i saw them swimming about an hour prior to eating), escargot (which i can't eat thanks to my teeth) and dragon prawns (prawns so big, they can be passed off as crayfish). it was the best dinner of my life, and probably the most expensive, but it was Elsie's treat, so who cares.

day 4, my mom said she didn't feel like she's spent any money. so we decided to go to this famour tourist place, Stanley Market. we took the ferry to Hong Kong Island, but it wasn't very enjoyable cos it was too fast. then we bused to Stanley, which took about an hour. it was worth it. at Stanley Market, we spent like S$1000. i got a painting for my brother, an interesting bag for myself, lots of little pouches for my classmates and cousins (let's see, about 20?) etc. my mom bought baby clothes for her friend, a blouse and a silk wrap for herself, tablecloths and placemats and some boring stuff for my aunts and grandmother.

we bused back, and on the way, there was some road problem. a bus broke down in the middle of the one-way road, and we're all stuck there. some people got off and walked, but we stayed put. then the policemen came and we all ogled at them. they were really good-looking. tall and lanky, tanned and they all wore tight pants. my mom was especially excited. she squeals everytime a policeman comes near. after about an hour the damn bus was lifted off with a crane and we finally made our way back. we went on to The Peak, which is a shopping centre built on the highest mountain in Hong Kong, and you can see almost the whole of HK from there. then picture this.

we stood at the top of the mountain, in the middle of winter, out in the open, eating peppermint ice-cream.

after 15 minutes my mom complained she can't feel her fingers anymore, so we went back into the mall. there was this shoe sale, and i wanted to get a pair of sexy heels, but i couldn't find a suitable pair. my mom did though, she bought a pair of shoes and a blouse. later she found out she was too fat for the blouse, so now it belongs to me. we went back down to the hotel and packed up.

day 5, we got up and checked out of the hotel. my mom said let's go to lantau island, which originally wasn't part of our plan. but since we've been to the whole of hong kong, and this was the only place unvisited, we went there. we took the train to Lantau Island and then a bus to the famous Po Lin Monastery to see the biggest Buddha statue in the world. it was a horrid ride, all bumpy and nausea-inducing. i forced myself to sleep. when we reached there, it was kinda crowded. to get to the big buddha, we had to climb like 20 flights of stairs, with each flight consisting of 25 steps. when we got there we realised it wasnt the temple, just an exhibition hall.

we had a vegetarian lunch, and shared a table with this european couple. the guy was from germany and his girlfriend was from hungary. come to think of it, the hungarian girl looks a little like you. maybe it's cos i missed you. the guy looks exactly like shaggy from scooby-doo, and all the while i was forcing myself NOT to sing the scooby-doo theme song.

finally we left the place, and the bus ride downhill was worse. the woman behind me burped every 5 words she spoke, and she spoked non-stop. again i forced myself to sleep. my mom said it was lucky that i slept, cos all the old people (about 80% of all the people on the bus) was throwing up into plastic bags. and the lady was still burping.

finally we got ourselves at the airport. my mom bought some sweets and snacks, and i got myself a japanese magazine that i can't read. when we boarded the plane, i sat next to this american-chinese guy who was such a gentleman. he helped stow our things in the overhead compartment, and he blushed a lot. he's like about 26, but looks 19. similarly, i'm 17 and a half, but looks 12. the air stewardesses gave us kid's meals, and free toys. the toys were free, so i took them anyway. the american-chinese guy was clueless; he thought Singapore Airlines gave away freebies all the time.

when it was time to get off the plane, the nice guy took our stuff down from the overhead compartment without us asking, and let us move before him. such a nice fellow. my mom was so impressed. she said it was a waste he wasn't better looking.

anyway the whole trip was a success. i learnt lots of things in HK.

1) All the streets look the same, whether it's TST, Mong Kok, Causeway Bay or Sheung Wan.
2) Hong Kong looks like Singapore, except it's colder, and they have sticky-out signboards.
3) The food is ALWAYS good.
4) Everyone is well-dressed.
5) We should've gone to Hong Kong in the summer, cos then they'll be selling summer clothes, not winter clothes.

and finally,

6) Living in a hotel is great, cos you don't have to clean up the room yourself, and fresh towels every day.

oh i can't hardly wait.

i'm going to the dentist to have my teeth cleaned oh-so-squeaky-clean tomorrow morning.

i'm going to pull out 4 premolars when i come back from hong kong.

i'm going to have pretty pretty braces put in by the first week of school!

maybe i should blog here again.

i am bored.

blah.

my chainsaw's rusty, my nails are pared and my muzzle is fitted.

i'm so tired.

*burns chainsaw*

just now, on the street outside aarthi's place, meiling fell off the double-scooter and ripped a hole in her pants and flooded the street with her blood.

had nice meals, both consisting of briyani and curry.

going to school tmr.

blah.

life is just, blah.

i turned on the computer, and while waiting for it to set up, i lay on the floor to relax my back.

and then 2 hours later i woke up, and nothing exciting has happened, just that i had dozed off.

i'm getting a taste of what life's gonna be when i'm a 70-year-old pensioner living alone in a 1-room oldies' apartment.

i have nothing much to say these days. things just happen normally.

watched titanic last night. it was a powerful film, with the opening scene and closing scene equally impactful. the cinematography was superb and the score was good, although it was tiring to hear the same refrain at every emotional scene.

i was reduced to blubbering at the end, when she had to forcefully extract herself from jack's grip and he just sank all the way down, because i was thinking of what he said to rose in the beginning, about going to america together and riding in roller coasters until they puke their guts out. if i were rose, i would've died, seeing all those unfinished dreams sinking into the north atlantic ocean.

when the movie ended i was sobbing loudly, but managed to stop. then my mom came out from the shower and asked me what she had missed, and as i related the story to her, i couldn't help but start crying again. this time i couldn't stop, and i was crying even when i was chatting with dhan, and finally i cried myself to sleep.

i woke up with the worst headache ever.

i don't recall crying so much watching a movie. i thought i cried a lot watching wuthering heights and the way home, but this, this surpasses them all.

the pictures don't fit right.

You have a twisted soul! Twisted Souls are never
bad, and actually, are a rarity amongst souls.
These souls are a little combination of
everything, with always a little of their own
chaos to add. Twisted Souls are kind, loving,
weird, zany, temperamental, and very talented.
They have their own firm opinion, and can at
one time be very outspoken and passionate, and
the other time shy and feeling insignificant.
Twisted Souls have good senses of Humor and
other times can be a bore. You can act quite
intelligent at one time, and grasp concepts
easily, while other times they can find it
difficult to understand. Twisted Souls are
always very fun and Kind, and can be party
animals. But, if you love someone, youre
serious about it, intense, and forever loyal.
Congratulations-the world should have more like
you.



What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla

You're a Winter. You very much enjoy your time
alone but do like other people's company
sometimes. You just need your space. You have a
few priviledged friends who saw past your
colder exterior to find the true you. You can
have pretty bad mood swings (though you hate to
admit it) so you could be soft one second then
storming around the next! But over all, you're
a very pleasant person once people take the
time to get to know you. You're a good friend
for in-depth talks. You're very talanted when
it comes to creative things.


What season are you? (pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

kirara/kilala


!!!!!!!!!!!!!Which inuyasha character are you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
brought to you by Quizilla

You're an Etch-a-Sketch!! You're the creative,
artsy type who doesn't need to actually utilize
a single muscle group in order to have fun.
Doesn't matter though, you're still cool.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're Lili St. Cyr!


What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

my feet are so cold.

true, i'm hurt by what you guys say about me. but i also wonder why you guys say such things. you don't point to any particular fault but have a field day hurling insults copied from various internet sources.

why do people insult other people?

is it because they are jealous and want to put the victim down? or is it because they simply feel good from making another feel bad? maybe they'll stand to gain something if the reputation of the other is tarnished by insults. perhaps they don't even mean the insults and choose to insult their own friends anonymously so they can release stress. who knows, maybe the insultor had been insulted by the insultee and (s)he just want revenge.

i have insulted many. constructive insults and destructive insults. having been insulted many times myself, i know how being insulted feels. i do apologise for those insults passionel, because most of the time i think before i speak. i apologise for those anonymous insults i've made, because when i insult anonymously, i don't really mean it and do not expect you to take a point. if i have ever hurt your feelings and caused you to lose confidence in yourself, i'm sorry. humans are beautiful in their own unique ways, and are meant to blossom to the fullest without hindrance.

i've been called a fatso, a bigmouth, a ghost, a witch, a bitch, a flirt, a freak, a slut, a dog, a pig, an ass, an asshole and mrs. william hung. i dont mind the last one, since william hung is after all, one of the 100 highest earning men in the world for 2004. i have been shoved around, beaten, slapped, assaulted with a chair, hit on the head, insults scrawled on my desk, called names loudly to the face and booed offstage during my performances. i have people spamming my email, stealing my stuff then hiding them so i take a long time to find them and throwing stray bits of stationery at me.

if i have survived all that, you will survive. if you ever break down, take a moment, then put yourself together again. but this time you'll be stronger. one day, your tormentors will realise that you are impregnable and inpenetratable. you're standing on your own. so what if they made you cry today, tomorrow or the day after. you are you. only you have the power to allow yourself to break down or to stay standing. and believe it, it is not the strong people who insult, but the weaker-than-thous.

and remember, never insult back.

when someone throws stones at you, throw bread at him.

hey my feet aren't cold anymore.

i've been cast as iras.

it's so scary. since i joined drama, i've always wanted to be iras, but got alexas instead. then suddenly, cherry dropped out of drama, and now i'm iras.

this is spooky.

today, when i was being iras, it was so weird, like i was cherry and not iras, because cherry is essentially iras. something which i have to be, from now until feb 27 2005. alexas is in my blood, and i have to purge him and be iras.

on the bright side, i dont get slapped around by baizurah anymore.

I've been down to the river
And seen the other side
I have cowered in the corner
Without a place to hide
I've been lost and forsaken
And sworn I'd not get through

But I must have done something right
To be here loving you
I must have done something right
To be here loving you

I have searched
For the whole truth
And seldom have I lied
I have been the silent witness
To all the tears I've cried
There are things that I have done
I wish I could undo

But I must have done something right
To be here loving you
I must have done something right
To be here loving you

-- Julia Fordham, "Something Right"

hey dhan, i DO have a casualty from that fall yesterday. my toe went into the wheel, and now my toenail is halfway split and cracked.

you can see the flesh under the nail.

whoohoo.

i dont know why i do this to myself.

i watched The Way Home, and i nearly suffocated myself crying. there i was, sobbing and my nose all blocked up and then i realised i couldn't breathe.

you guys have to watch that movie, its the korean one about a city boy who goes to live with his mute grandmother in a rural mountain hut. he treats her like dirt and bullies her and writes insulting messages on the walls, but she cant read anyway.

she doesnt do anything, just ignores his antics and pampers his whims because she loves him.

finally when it's time to go home, the little boy doesnt want to because he loves her too. so he threads all her needles for her, and writes dozens of postcards saying "i'm sick" and "i miss you", so that if she's sick or lonely, she just has to post one of those postcards to him, and he'll quickly go and visit her and look after her.

*sniff*

triple fuck and double merde. i typed a super long entry and then lost it.

shall summarize:

1) went to northland
2) met a cute anonymous guy
3) met auntie iris
4) found out how much she and auntie yin and uncles jason and albert has put into building the school
5) considering joining alumni

swollen pregnant pig in sequins.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

that was the funniest thing i've ever heard. i've got to tell my mom this, since she was the one who made me wear that shirt.

by the way sam, no matter how sucky you say my singing is, it's still one of the hundred best in singapore. so regardless whether you can sing or not, it's still better than yours, right?

dhaniah, don't be too pissed. this isnt the first time anyway, and hopefully sam would learn some manners. we can't blame the child. we gotta blame the parents for not bringing the child up the right way.

hey, devon aoki is one the most beautiful women in the world. she is NOT ugly. if you think she's ugly, you're probably just jealous cos you are ugly yourself.

if i could have a celebrity face, i'd have devon's.

dinner was fun! we went to the french restaurant at sembawang near the jamming studio, and munkitty and i ordered the fish, and hong bee and jas-jas ordered the pork, and we ended up swopping plates.

when jas-jas and i did the "lou lou skip to my lou" thing, it was so funny i almost slipped on the floor cos it was so wet with rain.

i wonder if the toilet's still flushing.

i feel mopish too.

when you spend 5 hours a day in a darkened and freezing room, doing nothing but stare and paint still life, listening to the depressing new age music miss lee puts on, you'd feel mopish too.

i was on tv tonight.

the whole of singapore and johor has witnessed my humiliation as i attempted to sing while i was convalescing and high on antibiotics. but hey, at least ken lim liked me. and dick lee liked my shirt, although he didnt like me.

anyway SI is such a commercialised show, with not a hint of culture.

dhaniah, you're fucking lucky you were completely cut out of the show. at least people didn't witness your humiliation.

but damn, i was funny, wasn't i?

i had two slices of pizza for dinner, and they only tasted good because i was so hungry. we were spozed to wait till miss lee comes back from her graduation thing from NIE, but when the pizza arrived before the lady arrived, we ate one whole pizza in 2 minutes. then we decided to wait for 40 minutes. so 40 minutes went by and still no sign of the lady, we ate anyway and left 3 slices for the lady. so she finally arrived, and she took a slice, and that was it. hong bee and unlimited took the last two slices since they were after all the president and vice-president.

miss lee asked if any of us ever thought of being a teacher, cos she thinks she might want to open an alternative education school. i suggested we move to new zealand and open one there.

if only that would happen.

cried buckets of tears after watching Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights on DVD. it was so depressing, yet wildly romantic. the only thing i didnt like was that juliette binoche wasnt right for the roles of both cathys. she was too calm and gentle for the spitfire older cathy, and too mature for the young and flirty younger cathy.

but i think ralph fiennes was fantastic for heathcliff. that wild long hair, fierce manic gaze was so damn sexy too, just like heathcliff was supposed to look like. his intense staring and harsh, yet poetic words was so stirring, and the part where he grabs the dead body of the older cathy, shuddering with sobs, with his hands all bloody cos he smashed the window to get in made me melt into a swimming pool and i myself almost suffocated in my own sobs.

another sexy part was when hareton earnshaw was digging in the yard topless.

it isnt a great movie, but i still like it. i hope they'll remake it with better music cos the string section tends to get into overdrive in this one.

have been reading The Encyclopedia of Greek and Roman Mythology and Annotated Fairy Tales.

some are quite hair-raising. to think that zeus was bisexual and lusted after ganymede and seduced him in the form of an eagle. to think that little red riding hood originated as a porno story.

then there are those fairy tales in which the prince does nothing but lazes around doing nothing but in the end marries the heroine who went through blood and sweat in order to marry the prince that lazes around doing nothing.

and even worse are the stories in which the princess does a mistake and curses the entire family/palace/kingdom and then lazes around doing nothing waiting for some handsome prince to come kiss her and make everything all right.

and there are those cannibalistic stories in which little children are cooked and eaten, and these are prolly the stories that are read to hannibal lector when he was a kid.

i have yet to read one fairy tale that makes me happy.

quote: do i love you because you are beautiful, or are you beautiful because i love you?

i agree with you dhaniah. love sucks if nothing happens to you. love sucks even more if you want something to happen but nothing happens. at least if shit happens, it's still something. but if nothing happens, that's just...nothing.

loves sucks the worst when you're doing almost everything you can, but nothing happens.

turn to stone
lose my faith
i'll be gone before it happens

- Madonna "Turn To Stone"

i'm going to forget about him. i've been waiting for something to happen, but since it hasn't happened until now, i'm going to stop waiting. cos it won't happen.

according to my tarot reading done by miss lee, for my love life i must be patient. i picked a seven of cups, and it was about psyche begging aphrodite to let her see eros. (how spooky...to think i was researching on eros and psyche!) so miss lee said it meant that i have to be patient and go through a lot of hardship before i can win my love.

i have gone through so much...i can't imagine what more to come. is it worth it for him?

nah. it's not worth it...i simply don't exist in his world. why should i pursue a guy who takes no notice of me?

what i want is a guy who worships me day and night and lets me slap him around. like that guy in My Sassy Girl.

ok here's the deal.

since you like playing games, i'll play it your way.

let's see if you can win this game!

i'm up for any challenge now. i'm fair game. i used to be down and dopey, but not anymore. it's me back in business.

hang on to your husbands, girls. cos i'm here to stay!

i'm sitting here in the AIR or some call it the art IT room using the big and beautiful computer. i just came from the audi where the guys were having their guy scenes. it was fun showing off my artworks and the guys went, "eee naked body!" at the cupid and psyche watercolor i did last friday.

i told nash the whole story of cupid and psyche, and everytime i paused for breath, he said, "huh? so it ended like that?"

they examined my decoupage of marilyn monroe on my art box and asked, "is she madonna?"

they saw my sketch of daphne and said, "why her hands like branches?" and i told them the story of how apollo wanted to rape daphne and she turned into a laurel tree to save herself.

then nash asked, "apollo is zeus issit?"

i had been talking to a bunch of baboons.

i think i better get off now. miss lee might come in any moment.

this is my third post of the hour.

it's the mosquito ring, i swear.

no matter how many times i try to suppress this ugly thought, i can't help but say it out loud.

I AM SO JEALOUS.

jealous of who? jealous of all those people who are attached. argh...i can't believe i just said that. i'm so damn fucking swallowed up with envy.

am i such an intimidating person?

actually yes i am.

but that's how i am, and i don't want to change. i want to wait for the perfect perfect perfect one to come along, but lately i'm getting fucking impatient. i know that for these things i have to let the goddesses decide but hell my fuse is getting shorter. fuck you eros for planting that arrow right through my head.

and what also drives me wild is that maybe HE is right under my nose (whoa he must be one hell of a short guy if he's under my nose) but i can't see him (since he is under my nose). guy under my nose, get out and let me see who you are!

what a fucked up world i'm living in.

but how beautiful it is!

i'm sitting here in my stinking uniform and inhaling the ashes of the mosquito ring wallowing in self-pity, but then i hear the gentle birdsong somewhere beyond my window. and the crickets' mating call.

i'm giving up on this certain boy. i have a feeling that maybe i didn't want him as much as i thought i wanted him. maybe i had just made a pretty suit of clothes and put it on him, and fell in love with the clothes and not him. like i said, we are all just dirt and water. i don't know if i liked his trees and flowers, or maybe i might grow to despise his dirt and water.

after all, there are other dirt and water out there that actually pay me more attention than that particular dirt and water.

even if there weren't any dirt and water, there will always be my dhani girl, betty boop and miss lee.

hokai.

been lazy, haven't i?

well the good things:

painted a lovely cupid and psyche painting
hair behaving well
skin at tip top condition
lost 1 kg
waist 23 inches
did my laundry
did my ironing

the bad things:
brand new (hokai, so it was secondhand) nokia 3650 kena stolen
mutti mad at me
me mad at mutti
ceased to exist in a certain boy's world
written report seriously undone

i'm feeling so sad...this is the worst PMS ever. my PMSes last 3 weeks. so you can pretty much say i'm permanently having PMS.

i feel that deep down inside i'm just plain as dirt and common as water. we all are. but it depends on what we shroud ourselves with.

some people plant flowers and trees. some people build palaces and skyscrapers. some people just leave things as they are, just dirt and water.

some people think that they are creme souffle and all the rest are jello. but we're not. we're all just unprocessed gelatin.

anyway i'm just rambling. there's no implicit meaning to my words, so don't think too much on them. i don't like thinking and i don't like to make people think.

i wish upon a star
wanna be right where you are
you set my world on fire
babe i got a crush on you
i wish upon a star
can't you see how right we are
we should be together
babe i got a crush on you
 
--Tata Young, "Crush On You"

even my mom commented that my face and neck color don't match.

maybe i've taken the skin-whitening thing a little too much to the extreme.

i'm an asian michael jackson...i need my oxygen room.

i had dinner with the birthday boy. since it was his birthday, i paid for his dinner, which was rather dismal. a bowl of rice, a bowl of soup, a little container of kimchi and a plate of mush.

still have lots to do. history outlines, pw survey rationales.

but i'm happy! giggle giggle giggle. things are getting better! at least i think my health's recovering, and someone's finally starting to notice my existence. whee~

why do people treat me like an invalid? being rejected from singapore idol isn't as devastating as you make it out to be. singing may be everything to me, but singing does not equal to singapore idol. and for your info, singing isn't everything to me. musical theatre is everything to me.

sheesh.

finally i can proudly say that i'm a singapore idol reject!

it was pretty fun, cept for that moment when i was singing. it was terrible! but well i had a reason to do badly. when that episode is aired on tv, watch my face carefully as i was singing. you'll notice that i was on the verge of fainting!

it's hilarious, i tell you.

i kept singing faster and faster and finally gave up. twice. and blew my third chance away.

i'm not as disappointed as the other rejects, save for dhaniah, but i shamelessly admit, i kinda liked the sympathy and "awwwwws" and "come-give-you-a-hugs" i got from those nicer people like gillian, celine and kelline (spelling??). and i also met some great guys like jonathan (the luckiest guy, i think), nelson, leonard (funny funny) and those names i can't recall.

hey, at least ken lim said i had potential. although he was just prolly staring at my chest.

i sound like rod stewart. the doctor poked my ass with a needle. i feel woozy. my skin is pasty and my hair is frizzy. my period's due.
 
and singapore idol tomorrow.
 
oh goddesses where art thou.
 
oh buddha protect me against mala.

my tongue hurts in 3 places. my throat is smarting from practicing. my skin is blotchy and pale. i just gained 1 kg.
 
i am so demoralized.
 
the judges are going to tell me to go home.
 
o goddesses. where are you when i need you?

spent the day lazing about the house. forgot to do my art box!!

so right now i've decided to papier mache the box and paint pictures of greek goddesses on it.

cept i haven't started.

i cant believe my mom.

she is so totally insensitive. she is so worried about my gym and spa membership cards and her measly popular discount card. she went ballistic when she found out i had not lost $30, but $80. HELLO!! the important thing here, like what my dad says, is NOT the fucking money but the fucking IC.

great.

she's got it in her head that the girl stole my wallet. or else some dude picks it up and sells my IC to a china whore for a few thousand bucks. so with my IC they can borrow money from loansharks and the loansharks will come over to our house and set fire and hang a pig's head at our door and rape me and sell me to a brothel.

then i told her about my library card inside too. and she went ballistic again, this time about the thief using my library card to borrow books and not return and i'll have to pay the fines. argh. that's so stupid, cos you can borrow books using the fucking IC, geddit you stretch-marked old cow of a mother?

she keeps blaming me, making wild exaggerations, digging up history she made up, acting like she never lost a thing (HA!) in her whole life. and she's my MOTHER. can't she even give me some support? i get more support from my pillow than from her.

finally she shut up when i told her i was going to report to the police tomorrow.

i may be having pre-menstrual syndrome, but that's still better than my mom. she has permanent-menstrual synrome.

it seems that my life is no longer a long drawn-out spongebob episode. instead of wanting to laugh every moment, i feel it's hard to smile and be polite to even my classmates. i snap at them like a snapper fish. just today i snapped at andy because he kept clearing his throat and it was really getting on my nerves.

i can't stand being with people for longer than 5 minutes. today before a level oral, i came and sat with my classmates, but something was bugging me until i had to get up and walk away on my own.

everytime i'm mean and short-tempered with someone, i feel like crying.

why do i feel so bad nowadays? why is it that every little thing somebody does is starting to really Really REALLY piss me off? why is it that when i walk home from school, i'm not smiling and enjoying the air, but sulking and staring at the ground?

either everyone is becoming extraordinarily low-IQed or i'm becoming a pre-menstrual bitch.

oh, fuck the solar system, like it's gonna make me pregnant anyway.

i am so pissed. i lost my wallet with everything in it. my IC, my ez-link, my student pass, my gym and spa membership cards, my popular discount card, my photocopy cash card, my 2 buddhist talismans, cash and the wallet itself.

i'm very sure it's in the bus, when i dropped everything on the floor, or else the girl who helped me pick the stuff up pickpocketed my wallet.

my dad kept lecturing me and rubbing it in and finally he concluded his lecture with, "anyway, you have to face it yourself."

to top it off i have a cut on my finger and it keeps splitting open.

i feel so down.

i will follow him
follow him wherever he may go
there isn't no mountain too high
no river so wide it can keep
keep me away

i love him
i love him
i love him
and where he goes
i follow
i follow --

spoken: you sick creep!

-- Jackie Chan, "The First Strike"

there's a really big problem with my blogger, my posts won't show up, so don't scream at me for not updating.

i keep telling myself that he is so wrong, but in the end i always look around to see his face.

not that he's all that good-looking anyway.

notice the guys i *really* like aren't good-looking to normal standards? whenever i tell people i think wong hei is the hottest actor in the world, people go, "eeee, that guy is so ugly!"

when i first saw him i thought he was really hideous-looking. i didn't even want to talk to him or get close to him. but well i had to, and he's really not a bad person after all. now i can't stop thinking about him.

what is wrong with me? i think i'd better wash my hair to cleanse my thoughts.

not been blogging for a long time.

my fingers were lazy.

OBS was bad. the instructors were sex perverts. especially the monkey-looking guy one from livingstone. eck.

school was ok. managed to live through the first week and managed to complete 5 essays out of the 7 i didnt do. so now i have 2 essays. plus another 4 more new ones.

somebody get me a paper bag.

singapore idol. i got insulted cos dick lee called me a chorus girl. uncle gurmit was nice. he was wearing lip gloss.

my mom's in bintang. enjoying herself at a spa.

my brother is on a three-day medical leave. his condition? too much shit in him.

i'm incapable of writing a coherent blog entry in prose form.

if women were the weaker sex, the world would've died off a long time ago already.

women have to bear the pain of childbearing and endure monthly periods. victims of sex crimes are mostly women. women are ridiculed by men when they stand up for themselves, when they try to assert their power. women are slapped with labels like "bitch", "slut", "whore" and "cunt". women are expected to always be one step beneath men.

in stories, it's always young virgin girls being sacrificed for the vengeful god. it's always the female to be captured by some monster and having to be rescued by some knight. joan of arc led the armies of france to victory, and she ended up being burned at stake. wang zhaojun did not believe in bribery and stood her ground, and she ended up being sent to mongolia where she died of pneumonia doubled with homesickness. when the emperor has a harem of 3000 concubines, he is regarded as powerful. when evita peron tried to reform argentina, the people called her a slut and dangerous jade.

but despite all these prejudices, women are still alive and going strong. they are still bearing children. they contribute to the economy and the society. they can do things that men can do, equally well too. without women, the world will be missing half of its population. heck, without women, the world would not even exist.

face it, men. women are just as important as you.

i really need to do my homework. i still have 4 essays undone and i still have to study for the history test. and i'm going to OBS next week. DAMN.

i shall be more ladylike and girlie.

i will behave myself and keep my hands to myself.

with the exception to iron maiden, i will stop listening to meaningless death metal.

i will take better care of my nails.

i will stop destroying my hair.

i feel sick. i have a headache. and i feel like hurling my lunch.

i shouldn't have eaten SO much for lunch.

it was the mayo. it has to be the mayo.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

i just had a 4-hour nap. and i still feel like hurling.

it must be the mayo.

mayo fuckin sucks. mayo suckin fucks.

I hate the world today
You're so good to me I know
But I can't change.
Tried to tell you but you look at me
Like maybe I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet

Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved
To see the softer side
I can understand how
You'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything

All rolled into one

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed

I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it
Any other way

So take me as I am.
This may mean you'll have
To be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start
To make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change

And today won't mean a thing.

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed

I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it
Any other way

Just when you think
You've got me figured out
The season's already changing.
I think it's cool you do what you do

And don't try to save me

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed

I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it
Any other way


I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you're hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover

I've been numbed, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it
Any other way

- Meredith Brooks, "I'm A Bitch"

again i shall speak on a topic that has no particular relevance to world peace.

MY HAIR FINALLY CURLED!!!

then the wind blew at it, and it's back to my frizzy waves.

anyway.

my brother got his medical scholarship. which is wonderful, so now my mom can finally go for liposuction AND a face lift, and she'll stop complaining how dowdy she looks.

see my bikini it's just the right size
don't you enjoy how it rides up my thighs?
look from behind it will knock out your eyes
i'll show you, my special trophy of war
for a marine i'll show more!

this stupid verse is stuck in my mind.

i don't believe in heaven or hell. i believe in karma and reincarnation.

how dare you curse me to go to a place which doesn't exist to me?

how dare you call me a pagan?

why don't you take some pointers from buddhism? accept and embrace all living things regardless of differences. instead of condemning non-believers and non-christians to hell.

just leave us alone. i am perfectly happy as i am. don't come waving your bibles at me, then cursing god because i stand by my own religion. spread the gospel if you wish. but ultimately it is i to choose what i believe in.

my dinner was a banana, a few pieces of seaweed and half a can of water-packed tuna.

now i have disgusting little bits of tuna stuck to my teeth.

there was a write-up about me in streats! hahahaha!

but my name wasn't mentioned, because i would get disqualified.

but my picture was in there!!

seems like i get into ketosis really quick nowadays. i just ate 4 hours ago and now i feel those signs again.

i fall sick easily too.

must be bad karma.

going to meditate on that.

i made it to the second audition.

no big deal, still called audition. why make such a big fuss about it?

went to register for singapore idol and ended up being interviewed and filmed. and on a day when i wasn't wearing any makeup!!! and i was wearing a ratty old tank with my faded old bermudas! with my hair in a careless topknot!

i gotta look nicer for my audition tomorrow.

so tired! but thank god it's vesak day tomorrow.

singapore idol. what a joke. i dont see what's the big deal about it. it's just a singing competition. i dont feel excited about it. i dont even dare tell people i'm taking part in it until they ask me. then i'll quickly change the subject. it's embarrassing.

i have a tummy ache. but i'm hungry.

i am filled with power, wonder and strength.

i'm starting to think devon aoki is really pretty.

i've never been in love. i've never had my heart broken.

and i'm afraid of the day when this happens.

today was the parent-teacher dialogue thing. well it went pretty well, and i got my report paper. to my horror, the comment from steven/george marlay was "did not hand in homework". WHAT THE FUCK. i handed in my homework! i handed in time too! its because andy wasnt feeling ok and he handed in the whole buncha papers late and we the lit students all got zero.

but the history was nice. mrs low wrote "a joy to teach". how sweet. *kowtows to mrs low*

after the ptd my mom took me shopping. was fun, spent about $300 in northpoint. mutti shops like a woman who's been stranded on a desert island for 5 years.

i suck at blogging. i start off writing a lot. then i don't know how to end.

i shall report what happened during the drama, although you can read a rather cynical view on betty's blog.

i skipped the PW lecture to go set up my tools in the girls' room, then i stripped myself and changed into my hideous Alexas costume. then completely forgetting my training in stage makeup, i rubbed makeup all over my face and i turned out to look like a monkey that had undergone animal testing.

then baizurah came in and shrieked at my face.

i helped baizurah do her eye makeup, which looked pretty impressive. but she didnt want me to do anything else. so did the other girls. seems like my own face scared the other girls away. well i had no time to redo my face, dont blame me. it was my over-zealous hands that did it. i grabbed my powder and some blush and went to the area where the guys were lounging about snacking on the curry puffs and drinking the ribena which had a mixture of tap-water, cheaply bought ribena syrup and aarthi's spit. i did a bit of powder dusting and blush brushing on the main guys, and they looked like monkeys' asses. man i need more practice, my skills are going rusty.

when the play started, everyone screamed with laughter when cleo came out in a hot pink cheongsam and fluttering a black lace fan like a mamasan. then when betty appeared onstage there was a bigger hullabaloo because she was in a super-tight SIA uniform. then when i came out to do my messenger bit, i slipped on the uber long pants, fell BANG on my knees and slid on the ground till the skin on my right foot got rubbed off.

everyone in the audience went "OUCH!!"

then they laughed like stuffed toys when i repeated this performance about 3 times.

the soothsayer bit was freezing. no one understood what we were saying, even though we were yelling out heads off. when i did the bottle-posed-as-enormous-erection gesture, nobody caught it either. the next scene when i came out, i did my usual pompous Alexas walk, which apparently induced huizhen aka intoxicated owl to burst into uncontrollable laughter.

oh well.

i hated my singing girl part. i felt like a puppet when i did the silly line-dance bit. and the fiddler's fiddle was so damn loud, i could barely hear myself. oh sheesh, and everyone commented on my mini dress. well it's not mine. it's my mom's. she wore this same dress in the 70's.

when the whole performance thing was over, i fixed up the mess in the changing room while the girls just disappeared. and betty left a stack of her files and her watch and her mirror and her eyeshadows. i assumed she was waiting for me or maybe she'll be coming back to get them. but after about 15 minutes and no betty, i struggled to carry her stupid stuff along with my makeup box, school bag and 5 sets of costumes and accessories.

and then i found out betty went home already.

*you can imagine what i said to betty on the phone.*

i got home and went to sleep.

finished. that's the whole of the play day for you.

i heard that i dont make sense.

anyway today didnt feel like the last day of term 2, because to me, i feel like i've just started school. and besides we still have lessons the next 2 weeks. during lunch we bitched about a certain person. and about a certain act it commited during a certain class.

sometimes i wish i could just shoot it dead and sweep it under the carpet.

then i dont want to dirty my hands with it's filthy blood and when i shoot it, little globules of orange fat will prolly splatter out in all directions.

boy am i hungry. vati's cooking his special diet meal.

it's become routine whenever i turn on the computer. i play freecell, then when i win, i play solitaire. after winning a game of solitaire i play spider solitaire. then after winning all three games i log on to the internet, then i go on to MSN and Yahoo. when my emails are checked, i turn on my webcam and knock about with it and admire my face on the computer screen. then i blog or do my research or type my essays. finally i turn it off.

after school i met up with dhani and we went to town together. i had my forehead lawnmowed again so now my shaggy caterpillars are skinny spider's legs. then we hiked to the youth park and all we could say was, "hallejuah...allelua...alleua...."

then feeling disappointed we hiked to takashimaya and looked at witchcraft books while i irritated people with my french/italian/indian/southern accent. then we hiked to paragon and had dinner.

then we went home.

hallejuah...allelua...alleua...

i had a vivid dream last night. i dreamt that my whole family went to see my brother's university orientation, and i got lost and wandered to katong or kallang, where my ex lived. (funny how i dont even know where derrick lived) anyway, i was pushing this lame NTUC shopping trolley along. just pushing it up and down while i trudged about looking for my parents. then i got tired and i went inside this strange little house which was all dilapidated and dinghy. and i met this fairy that looked like a stuffed toy. she was injured (she lost her wings) and i helped her piece back her wings. she was so happy, she found a pair of huge dragonfly wings that had fallen apart and asked me to fix it for her too. when i fixed it, she tied it to my back and said it was for me, i am now a human-fairy. then i started floating horizontally. it was so fucking real. the floating sensation. i glided in the air here and there, going higher and lower and doing loops. the fairy then asked me to look at the fairy altar. it was this huge shelf filled with stuffed dolls, very brightly colored. i took the queen fairy in my hands and kissed her. then the fairy said i had a mission to do. what the mission was i forgot, but i had to go to far east plaza. i flew to far east plaza. then i thought, hey maybe i could finally get my eyebrows trimmed. then instead of going to my usual beauty parlour, i went into this trashy goth-like salon. the stylists instead of simply trimming my brows, gave me a head-to-toe makeover, and i ended up looking like marilyn manson. i started crying because my pain-stakingly grown hair was lopped off into a spiky do. so they gave me a discount and i paid only $6 for the entire makeover. yay. then i put on my wings and flew and glided about in the shopping center. then i woke up because i had horrendous cramps. i dont know what the meaning of that dream was, but it sure was very vivid too.

you used to give me flowers
you used to hold my hand
just to make me smile and laugh
you'd do all you can

now you give me e-cards
now you shake my hand
you don't make me smile or laugh
you've got a new girlfriend

"just friends," you'd say
"a new start," I pray
but that's impossible
because we lost that touch

yesterday was my birthday.

anyway, the part i liked best about yesterday was when i sorta set the flower arrangement on fire. it was really funny, shoulda be filmed on camera. the pretty daisies and chrysanthemums wilting there with a huge bonfire in the middle and hot wax dripping down the sides of the container.

i felt kinda sad when i went to anderson. it was a memorable 4 years there. although the uniform still sucks, and having to run down to the stupid carpark every morning still makes me roll my eyes, there are many things i still can't bear to leave. the friends i made there. the weird antics i pulled off, like jumping off the third storey and landing in a tree. writing slander about a certain teacher who is now vice-principal oh my fucking god. stealing books from the library. wow. lovely.

met the same old people again yesterday. the rebonded girls still rebonded. the spiky boys still spiky. little juniors suddenly taller than me. baby-faced choir boys now having girlfriends. how they have grown. how we have grown.

how you have grown!

notice some people have certain blogging styles? dearest dhaniah's ramblings are deep and thoughtful. darling betty's is streaked with violence and never-ending barbed comments. zhao's make you giggle every three words. del's has this bubble-light cheery tone (despite occasional bitchy ramblings).

dinga danga dinga danga dinga danga.

Bitchy Ramblings Part 2

Dear Fat Slut,
i admit, i can be a freaking bitch. i say horrible things about you behind your back, and in front of you i act like your best friend. but those horrible things are true. you really are fat and ugly and shallow. and you have really thick skin. you are over-pushy and you don't know your own limits. why am i so nice to you in front of you? because i'm not like you. i don't want you to feel like you're the most worthless person in the world. i don't say bad things about a person straight to her face and act like a brainless idiot. i want you to shut yourself up in a room for 6 weeks and reflect on your actions. meanwhile i want you to go on a diet and work that ass off. i hate looking at your fat thighs under your short skirt.

Dear Fat Walrus,
why do you think i treat you like i treat you? obviously there's something wrong with you. number one, you talk too much. number two, you eat too much. number three, you stink. number four, you act like a prepubescent orangutan. i could go on, but i'm running out of time and i need to squeeze in many more letters. well here's some words of advice. don't talk like you know so much, because you know nothing, and everyone can see that. don't eat by the shovelful, limit yourself to only 2000 calories a day. if i can survive on 1200 calories a day, so can you. also, you need to do cardiovascular and toning exercises every other day otherwise you'll die a virgin. for your odour problem, PLEASE brush your teeth first thing in the morning. also, PLEASE take a shower before you come to school. shave your underarms and your legs, the sight of your luscious fur makes me hurl. finally, please have some self-worth. don't act like a smurf when you resemble Jabba Hutt. behave in a more subdued manner so it frees up a lot more space for us to move in.

Dear Stinkbomb,
two words: YOU STINK.
your cheap deodorant isn't working, dude. you need Smelly No More. remember that soap they used to advertise? go look for it. shave your underarms too. and get a really short haircut, since sweat and bacteria tend to cling onto hair. with less fur around your body, you'll be much cooler and sweat less. i also hate the way you behave. you are absolutely untalented and you look like a truck just ran over your face. don't think too highly of yourself. because nobody does. and nobody likes you.

FYI: these people are people i know, you guys don't know them, so don't waste your time trying to guess who are they.

i'm feeling torn like always. torn between two emotions, psycho-happiness and blah-lethargy. i feel tired these days. very tired.

in fact i could just put my head down and sleep forever, never to wake up.

i like making people laugh. it makes me happy to see people laugh. i love to hear people laugh. i like seeing people smile too.

but sometimes i get these inexplicable waves of sadness washing over me.

i guess it's just the hormonal changes in me.

but what if i'm a mermaid
in these jeans of his
with her name still on it
hey but i don't care
cause sometimes i said
sometimes i hear my voice and it's been
here silent all these

years go by will i still be waiting
for somebody else to understand
years go by if i'm stripped of my beauty
and the orange clouds raining in my head
years go by will i choke on my tears
till finally there is nothing left
one more casualty
you know we're too easy

- tori amos "silent all these years"

this layout sux. i prefer the old layout.

yeah! finally the singing exam is over!

i'm seriously considering not going for singapore idol. either i don't sign the e-mage contract or i don't go for singapore idol.

i'm feeling so bummed!!! spozed to be going for a gig with dhaniah after the exam, but vati made me come home instead. never mind. when i'm in college and staying in the college dorm, i'll stay out ALL i want. i'll go for ALL the gigs i've missed.

shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit.

i feel sick. nausea.

i'm in the mood for sappy love songs.

There's times where I want something more
Someone more like me
There's times when this dress rehearsal
Seems incomplete

But, you see the colors in me
Like no one else
And behind your dark glasses you're
You're something else

You're really lovely
Underneath it all
You want to love me
Underneath it all

I'm really lucky
Underneath it all
You're really lovely

You're really lovely
Underneath it all
You want to love me
Underneath it all

I'm really lovely
Underneath it all
And you're really lovely

people perceive me as intimidating. well yeah i guess i AM intimidating sometimes. but inside i'm vulnerable. i'm soft like egg custard inside, although outside i'm almost impenetratable. almost. you can do anything you want to me, say what you want, but it will just bounce off my shell. but if you ever manage to puncture my shell, i don't think i can ever be the same again.

time and again i think that my shell is broken. but then i spring back again. i'm nearly indestructible. it takes one hard blow to break me. one big hard blow.

i think i'll never break.

i'm scared of people. i'm scared of getting too close, too personal. especially with apes.

so apes, stay away.

had lotsa silly drama rehearsals. mr spencer aka curly beard is making us rehearse like little rehearsing robots. morning to evening, day in day out. it's a hard knock life for us.

on monday i got ambushed countless times by amrit "broken wrist" aka enoboobus and kevin "bend over" aka sexless pompey. i'd think i'm safe, then suddenly i turn and see their stupid slobbering dog faces. UGH.

on tuesday we did scene 4 and 6. and me hates scene 6. me absolutasly hates scene 6. but me hates scene 1 most.

damn i just realised we'll be doing scene 7 tomorrow!!!! means the entire male cast peeping up my skirt!!!! must wear the longer skirt tomorrow. or else i'll be a walking prithee-come-peepeth-up-me-skirt-sir advertisement.

anyway boobies i need inspiration for the preview costume. aarthi suggested the polynesian babe look.

yes you cooking breakfast
you say potato
i say tomato
yellow banana, yellow banana OoOoO
yellow banana, yellow banana OoOoO
you are red one
you are red one

yellow banananananananananananananana

-- hang on the box "yellow banana"

why do you put on make up?
because i am a rock star
why don't you wear a bra?
so my tits feel free

some bastard hacked into my friendster account and deleted my testimonials.

hello i know i've made lots of enemies, but don't you think deleting my testimonials is kinda pathetic to get back at me?

useless pook.

i received my first birthday present for this year!

it's a hang on the box cd from rouv, a made in china, marketed in japan, ordered from switzerland and sent to singapore present, via the joys of amazon.com .

they don't sound so bad actually, if you ignore the bad language and grammar. the music's pretty good.

hahaha i went to watch the rugby match today, and guess who i saw?

wong chin hua.

*shudder*

heard from marvin his nickname is now FAFA, which means Fuck And Fly Away. a fitting name for a fitting fucker.

have an ulcer on my tongue due to the snickers bar i ate this morning. double poo for the ulcer and yummy scrumboes for the candy.

i used to like to read this particular story. so i dug it out and read it a few moments ago, and realised that i'm sick of the whole story.

i kissed daryl. and everybody was flabbergasted. nobody knew why both of us just kissed. daryl doesn't really know too. i know i don't know.

for your info it was a play kiss. no lesbian tendencies. at least on her part. i'm bisexual, but i'm not interested in daryl.

i am addicted to the foot reflexology machine.

you know some people are categorized into categories like "ladies' men", "men's men", "men's women" and "women's women"? well i certainly don't fit into the first two categories because i don't have a penis. then also i'm definitely not a men's woman, because i don't behave like one. that leaves "women's woman". what a joke. if any woman would ever look up to me as a role model, i'd personally escort her to woodbridge mental hospital.

so what am i? i'm a freak ladyboy!

*laughs like stuffed toy*

what i love about yishun jc:

- no more fucking pinafore
- i get to wake up at 6.45 AM, go through my routine slowly and leave house at 7.30 AM
- less people tell me to shut up when i sing
- funny classmates
- drama
- taking A level art
- scaring the bejesus out of meiling

what i hate about yishun jc:

- no dhaniah
- GP lessons
- going home late
- reading period everyday

the new gang:

the poops of 118 (daryl, meiling, xingjia, joreen, devi, shene, aarthi, meifeng, zude, minghui, shafi, zarieo, andy, kailin, roche, jag, kah eng, yaofeng, chuanmin), the cast of antony and cleopatra (betty! baizura! cherry! leonard! aidil! and the thousand and one people i don't know the names of), retard-chinese classmates (xiaoyuan, tiffany, amberlin, ian, calvin, james)

favourite places:

library

the beetle is dead.

yay! happy 4th anniversary! i've been blogging for 4 years, since i was in sec one. but back then i didn't use blogger, i used this cheapo thing called freeopendiary.com and most of my entries were the typical prepubescent rantings. i remembered i used to badger other people to set up their blogs or internet diaries and they all said they didn't want to. now almost everybody has a blog.

shows how much people listen to me.

school was even more zanier than yesterday. got into trouble and it wasn't my fault. i went into the toilet, then realised that meiling wasn't behind me, so i opened the door and meiling was there, about to open the door and she just gave this huge scream and tumbled onto the ground. then a dozen teachers appeared and demanded an explanation for us disrupting their tutorials.

at drama practice, i made mr spencer laugh so much that he threatened to whip me with a little cane.

the silly beetle trap is still taped to the wall.

school was crazy as usual, with meiling's usual shrieks and freak-out sessions. i went to check on my pot and the usual gang (daryl, meiling, xingjia, joreen, zude) trotted over to the art room to KPO and we ended up having a slurry fight. slurry's soggy clay with the consistency of yogurt, except it looks like cat vomit. i'm proud to announce i completed 2 pots and is going to make a ceramic plate.

i think daryl's such a cool name. and daryl's this really cool GIRL.

had this lame-assed student welfare meeting and we the lame-assed student welfare committee are spozed to sign up for either one of the four departments. i wanted to sign up for counselling but when i saw those freaky bitches especially that exceptionally ugly airhead with the hideous hairstyle signing up for counselling i changed my mind and signed up for pastoral care. pastoral care sounds like gardening to me.

vati bought a acupoint massage cum foot reflexology machine. he looks damn funny sitting in front of the TV all wired up. and just now he hit the setting too high and he started yelling in pain and i fell off my chair trying to see if he was in danger. dear old vati.

*tries to swallow chainsaw*

three of the priorities on my life goals list: asian blepharoplasty, rhinoplasty and liposuction.

i checked out asian blepharoplasty, it costs US$600 in thailand. not bad. the only thing that makes my skin crawl is that one particular picture of the operation, with the eyelid flipped inside out and all the blood flooding the eye and running down the cheek.

mutti says she will definitely do all three.

jasdeep's parents are fighting.

i feel sad for sharon.

my parents don't fight. they just ignore each other.

dear ******,

how's it been over there? have they been treating you good? it's been over two years since you left...but the hole you left behind is still here. but it's beginning to close. i don't want it to ever close though, because i don't want to ever forget you.

i want to say, thank you for making me who i am today. you taught me to respect myself, to believe in myself and that i can let everyone down, but i must never let myself down. i wish you'd never left, because then i wouldn't have committed those things which i wish i didn't. but i know i shouldn't be selfish but keeping you here when it's time for you to go.

when you left, i had no clear idea what to do with my life. but now i am glad to tell you that i have already fixed my goals. i hope you will be proud of me. i know you would be. when you left, my life was a total wreck. i flunked all my subjects. but now i've made it into junior college! and i'm not going to stop here. i'm going on to university, then on to europe. then i will be a teacher and teach what i love best. i will be a teacher, and be what you always wanted to be.

you know something? there are times i hated you. but not for long. you are like a second mother to me. i could never hate you for long, because all you did for me were for my benefit. you've sacrificed your youth, your time and your life on me. it's the greatest sacrifice a person could do for me.

i still love you. i will always love you. everytime i think of you, or look at your pictures, i still cry. but the tears don't hurt me now. the tears i cry for you is a balm that heals all that aches inside my heart.

love,
me

P.S. this song is for you. everytime i sing it, i sing it for you.

Through the darkness,
I can see your light
And you will always shine
And I can feel your heart in mine
Your face I've memorized
I idolize just you

I look up to everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
I've loved you for so long
And after all is said and done
You're still you
After all, you're still you

You walk past me
I can feel your pain
Time changes everything
One truth always stays the same
You're still you
After all, you're still you

I look up to everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
And I believe in you
Although you never asked me to
I will remember you
And what life put you through

And in this cruel and lonely world
I found one love
You're still you
After all, you're still you

oh now i remember. i was wondering why people say i'm weird and strange when there are clearly weirder people around me. take meiling for instance. she screams and freaks out whenever i smile at her. today i went to orchard with betty after drama rehearsal, and she kept saying i was weird. well betty, i think you're weird too, so that makes the two of us.

aidil said i was mean. was i being mean? i just said you didn't have a sense of humour that's why you couldn't join in our hysterical laughing fit on wednesday.

mutti said that i have to act more like a girl. hey, but at least i don't act like a boy. i act like a hermaphrodite. i am well-balanced.

baby i miss you like the desert miss the rain

IXUS i canon $590 - $650
june 1st
october 20th

shit.

i forgot what i wanted to say.

i found another bunch of pornos in my brother's room, so naturally i watched them. since when did my brother got interested in all these scandinavian and russian girls? all the while he's been watching normal asian pornos.

pornos do nothing for me. i just watch them to see if there are any shameless and shapeless pornstars to laugh at.

was chatting online with this guy from denmark (rene? i can't remember what's he called) and we started to talk about the usual stuff. then i remembered something about what my mom told me after i honestly rejected this boy i met in china. she said i was insensitive and tactless. HA! if i'm insensitive and tactless, i don't know what she is.

but then i start to think, i AM insensitive. just today during lunch, shafi, andy and zude were telling me that i should act more like monica. they said i was too violent and tomboyish etc. well, fuck that. i can be who i want to be. if guys think i'm this rabid chimpanzee (or orangutan), then too bad. haven't you heard that abuse is a form of love? i whack you guys because i consider you guys my friends. if i don't whack you guys means i don't give a rat's ass about you.

also, i don't really care about other people's feelings. i don't give a damn what you think, and i don't give a damn about you. the only people who i really care about are my brother, dhaniah, vicky, canny and serene (the last three are my paternal cousins). those are the people i love. do i love you? i don't think so.

another thing about me that you guys have to know. i have massive mood swings.

i broke my previous solitaire record!!!

Score: 13875
Time: 53 sec

i am invincible!

oh i could hide beneath the wings
of a bluebird as she sings
the six o'clock alarm will never ring
but it rings and i rise
wipe the sleep out of my eyes
my shaving razor's cold and it stings

cheer up sleepy jean
oh what can it mean
to a daydream believer
and a homecoming queen

stayed back in school to continue making my pot in the art room. it's beginning to look like a toilet bowl, and the surface of the pot looks like the cellulite on a fat woman's ass. i was singing with baizura as we made our pathetic pots, and mr lim came in and stared at me and said, "joey is there something wrong with you today? so talkative and noisy."

hmm. does it mean that everytime in art class i'm this quiet little nincompoop?

well rouven likes those songs. i always thought there something weird in him anyway. he really loves those songs, he actually wants to buy all three hang on the box albums. or was it the last album? i don't know.

baizura proposed a dramababes' lunch every wednesday at northpoint before drama rehearsals. i think it's cool, as long as it doesn't involve the dramafags.

i'm starting to like alexas more and more. i don't mind giving up the role of cleopatra to concentrate fully on alexas and singing girl. canny called me long-distance from malaysia and begged me to help her with her english homework. and it's about cleopatra. i spent about 2 hours telling her the history of the woman-pharoah in retard chinese. and i'm rather proud of myself. i spoke chinese for 2 hours!

damn! it's hot in here.

i asked aarthi what she thought of scandinavian men. she asked me what the hell they were. AARTHI!! don't you know what's scandinavia?! and i thought you knew everything!

if you want to hear absolute frivolity, listen to any song by shonen knife or hang on the box or the wuliao contingent. shonen knife is a japlish punk band, all-girl, hang on the box is the chinese equivalent of shonen knife and the wuliao contingent is made up of the 4 great nonsensical punk bands in china, one of them being brain failure.

shonen knife "hokey pokey"

you put your reft hoot in,
you put your reft hoot out,
you put your reft hoot in and you shake it rall rabout
you do the hokey hokey and you turn yourself around
that whats its rall rabout!

hang on the box "yellow banana"

yellow banana yellow banana yellow banana oh-oh!

(repeat that line for the whole song)

hang on the box "kill your belley"

kill your belley
kill my belley
kiss your belley
kiss my belley
kill your belley
kill my belley

fah-kew i dont need you
fah-kew i dont need you
fah-kew i dont need you
fah-kew i dont need you

sitting here, listening to the sun yanzi song "yu jian". feeling lonely.

don't look at me like i'm some kind of freaky maniac, always ha-ha-haing with my deodorant spray can in my hand and making funny faces. every night i spend hours writing letters to my penpals. i have many penpals. what? i don't look the type that write long letters to faceless people and mope about in my diary?

never judge a book by its cover.

i do many things in my private life which you guys don't know. i'll just list a few: writing letters, writing in my diary, drawing pictures, creating wuxia stories, watching pornos and listening to sad looking-for-love songs.

i don't think many people read my blog religiously anymore. since i stopped being funny and foul-mouthed. it tires me. all these activities tire me, posing, laughing, being funny. i just want to hide in an island with nobody around, nobody that i have to entertain. because i am always entertaining people without knowing it. it's a vicious cycle. i just want to be another nobody, a face in the crowd. but i cant. i have to be the clown. it's in my blood.

CUP~ US TILL THE WORLD GO ROUND!!!
CUP~ US TILL THE WORLD GO ROUND!!!

these two stupid lines keep running through my head. and the stupid improvised tune too.

today i auditioned for antony and cleopatra, and i really really really really want the role of iras but somehow i think its impossible now, since i got the role of girl rome, some bawdy opera singer. mr spencer said it was a sexy operatic song. like real. it's more like a rowdy beer song, and added with the tuneless male shouts of "CUP~ US TILL THE WORLD GO ROUND!!! CUP~ US TILL THE WORLD GO ROUND!!!" it completes the picture of a cheesy beer commercial. it was pretty embarrassing to have to stand on a table too.

*hacks off head with chainsaw.*

i saw you again today. although you didnt talk to me, and i watched you from afar, you're still the one i want for life. i have never felt for someone for so long, nearly four or five years, until i knew you. you were always at the back of my mind. it doesnt matter if you dont reciprocate my feelings. i know it is impossible for us to be together. impossible. it's not that i've no hope, but fate has made us never to be together. but you know, although i may love somebody else, although i may end up bearing six children and marrying thrice, i will always belong to you.

however you will never know.

got the new prison uniforms today. then sent the skirts for alteration, to shorten the hem so i wont look like some fashion disaster. bought my shirts too big, so it looks like i'm wearing sails. but i dont care much about the shirt. then when i went to collect the skirts in the afternoon, they turned out too short so i look like a mamasan in miniskirts with tree trunk legs.

damn.

i got sentenced to the right day prison. yip yip yip.

mutti wants to go for marie france!!

someday i'm going to be rid of the fucking pigmentation under my eyes. i've been looking like a panda due to it for years since i was 10!! i'm definitely going for plastic surgery and liposuction.

tomorrow i'm going to find out which day prison i'm going to get sentenced to. hopefully it's the one near my home so i wont have to wake up so torturously early anymore.

poor dhani's computer is down. so i shall blog for her! hehehehe.

i give up trying to bleach my skin.

i dont know why i do this to myself. after weeks of torturing my skin to be as bleached as possible, i go out in the sun today and it's back to square one.

horrid tanned skin.

some kind of cross-country cum beach party thing at sentosa today. spent most of my time sitting in the shade facing the sea so the wind is blowing at me directly. dhaniah arrived so late, the event was over when she came. then we sat in the monorail and went about the island twice criticizing singapore's pseudo-culture and laughing at the cement dinosaur. had dinner then began the long and tiring journey home.

correction.

on the left side of my head, my hair is smooth and straight. on the right side, my hair is wavy.

i blow-dried my hair straight, seeing that even if i curled my hair with thongs my hair will end up wavy. so i blow-dried it straight and then used a flat iron and straightened out the remaining waves. not bad. now i look like what i look before the perm, with longer straight hair.

then poof! five minutes later my hair is wavy again.

*hacks hair off with chainsaw*

The heart is slow to learn
The heart is slow to learn
These feelings that I feel
Are foolish but they're real

I'm wise enough to see
This love will never be
And each day's like the last
When living in the past

I now it's mad
And you won't return
But then as I have said
The heart is slow to learn

I've never loved
As I have loved you
Why is love cruel
I wish I knew

Say what you will
It doesn't matter
Until I die there's only you
Until I die there's only you

The heart is slow to learn
The heart is slow to learn
You'd think there'd be a way
To shut out yesterday

Perhaps if I just thought
Of all the times we fought
I'd try to live, but no
There's still no letting go

I know it's mad
And you won't return
But then as I have said
The heart is slow to learn

Why is love cruel
I wish I knew

Say what you will
It doesn't matter
Until I die there's only you
Until I die there's only you

Why is love cruel
I wish I knew

Say what you will
It doesn't matter
Until I die there's only you
Until I die there's only you

The heart is slow to learn

i'm pretending that i'm dumped for no reason. i watch sad movies, listen to sad songs etc. this is what happens when i stay at home too long.

from now on you stay away from me. i've wasted thousands and thousands of kisses on you, kisses that i thought were special because of your lips and your smile and all your colour and life. i used to think that was the real you when you smile, but now i know that you don't mean any of them. you just save it for all your songs. shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed so tight.

hey dont look so serious, i'm just practising what to say just in case i get dumped in future. dont you think its such a beautiful, poignant piece?

fyi: i got those lines from faye when jimmy dumped her in the movie that thing you do.

oh no. dhani said that the color of my face and neck dont match. apparently my face is lighter than my neck, which i neglect putting the bleach on.

i feel like michael jackson.

i hear rain falling on the palm trees outside. very gentle rain. but still rain anyway. i dont have the aesthetic sense to admire daffy stuff like rain and sunsets and dying birds. i prefer looking at people.

tried painspotting today. i saw 2 flamboyant groins, 5 broadsheets, 3 oral-stinkers (they smelt like dried saliva, eyugh), 1 ventilator and 2 jabbers.

after singing class i went for dinner with dhani and then we sat at the fountain outside ngee ann city and she did a gross thing. she stuck her hands into the water. so to stop her from doing it, i did a grosser thing. i spat into the water.

i'm somehow glad i live in the city. yet i want to live in the countryside. what do i want? i dont know. a city-countryside.

i'm currently wallowing in self-pity. i'm having the most explosive period of my life and my cramps are equal to labor pains. i've run out of money to buy my own pads so now i'm using mutti's ancient cotton life-buoys as a substitute. the room is getting very dark now that it's going to fucking rain again.

so i'm going to do some cheering up!

1. everybody likes me!

2. i lost 2 kg!

3. gorti is coming home from army for the weekend!

4. no, gorti is coming home tomorrow for his A level results!

5. my hair curls again!

6. i managed to do well enough to get into YJC!

7. i finally found black eyeliner!

8. got a pretty windchime!

9. my skin is distinctly smoother!

10. i remembered to wash the dishes!

life isnt so bad after all. la la la~ i'm so happy!

*swings chainsaw in an arc*

mutti said my obssession with getting my face as pale as possible is getting to the point of mania. well its true. i dont know why but i'm going to extreme pains to get my skin looking like a sheet of computer paper. i use whitening facewash, whitening toner, whitening exfoliator and even the ridiculously expensive whitening facial cream made of phyto silver and crushed freshwater pearls.

but after that cursed day at the beach my skin refuses to return to its original paleness.

i just got back from the mall. i was getting supplies. i bought facewash, socks, eyeliner, nail file and decided to waste money on a pretty windchime.

i could've saved $1 if i bought the facewash at guardian, not watson's. damn!

i had a dream i went to the philippines on a plane all by myself!! it was so cool. i was packing all my stuff and i got my passport and plane ticket and then somehow i got abducted. and i was running running back to the airport to board the plane on time. then i realised my luggage was at home. then i called my mom, and she said, "i'll bring them for you." and 3 seconds later she came with the luggage. so i boarded the plane.

then i woke up.

the song "i'm with you" by lavigne is echoing in my head. because that's the song i'm playing on the piano now. i've never really heard her sing this song, so right now i'm singing it like a broadway song. i think it sounds better as a classical song. at least i think i sing better than lavigne.

my cousin pronounced avril lavigne as "ar-reel lah-vig-nay".

i watched mary poppins this afternoon. if i were to meet mary poppins in person, i'd slap her in the face. she's so rude!!! the kids were being so nice and she treats them like dirt. bert is obviously in love with her, and she acts like he's a fly on her sleeve. fuck her supercallifragilisticespiallidociously.

i had a tarzan-themed dream last night. but i wasnt jane. i was tarzan!

hahaha woke up to check my privates.

late-night ramblings

she first saw him in the classroom
he wasnt from her class
but he had friends there
she gave no thought about him
his frizzy hair
his acned skin
his crooked teeth
but one day on the way to class
he smiled at her
and suddenly she thought he was cute
and day by day
her feelings grew
as feelings are wont to do
until every single moment was
entirely dominated by him
her friends didnt understand
here she was
a pretty, popular girl
totally infatuated with a boy
who had a face like a frozen pizza
who was just a little taller than she was
she craned her neck just to see him walk past
she took every possible chance
to casually walk past his class
after school when it was quiet and empty
she sat at his desk and stayed for hours
but the day came when he said
"stop looking at me, you stalker.
please go away."
then she saw the name of another girl
a girl less pretty, less intelligent than she
carved and scratched into his arm
she cried
many months passed.
she no longer smiled at him when they crossed paths
she no longer looked at him when he was around
she tried to forget him
she got a boyfriend
handsome, popular, and deeply in love with her
but she could not forget the boy
a year passed
she got another boyfriend
handsome, smart, and hopelessly devoted to her
she thought she loved him
but she could not forget that boy
and now, three years after the first day she saw him
no longer in the same school
no longer speaking to each other
she still thinks of him
writes of him
and would never forget that boy.

isnt this such a sad sad story? i usually write such sad emo stories by hand and keep them in my writing box, but now i'm just too lazy to take it out and besides the inspiration just hit me and i didnt want to lose any detail.

remind me not to fucking drink coffee ever again. coffee is not meant for my system. caffeine poisons my delicate veins. i just had a cup of coffee porridge (coffee and soggy mashed-up army biscuits) and now i feel sick.

coffee sucking fucks.

why does everyone call the results day their big day? it's not a fucking big day. well at least its' not my big day. to me, big days are like performance days, somebody's birthday, MY birthday etc.

my left elbow hurts. its all sore and painful. maybe been lifting the chainsaw too many times.

watched 2 movies. big fish and gladiatress.

DO NOT WATCH GLADIATRESS.

it doesnt stick to the point and the actresses are muchos ugly. all three lead actresses are hideous. even the actors are hideous. its a perfect B-grade movie. cheap production. and it's not funny at all. do not let little kids watch it.

big fish was ok. i thought it would be a soppy tearjerker, but it wasnt. got cheated. damn.

waiting for the asterix and obelix movie to come out.

damn the devil! damn the devil to hell!

*throws chainsaw high up*

ha. nervous for nothing. did pretty well according to my standards. yishun junior college, here i come!

*raises chainsaw in victory pose*

i am so nervous. i have never been this nervous since the sing singapore semi-finals. fuckfuckfuck. i'm going to screw up my exams. when the results come out tomorrow i'll find out that i did so badly i could not qualify for even poly and have to retake my o levels again. i'm going to get 30+ points like jiewei and end up being a macdonald girl for life and have 3 kids and a cheating husband and i'll end up murdering him and throwing my kids out of the window in the three-room flat i live in and then finally gassing myself to death but the police comes in and drags me to the loony bin and everybody will say, "that poor woman she got 30+ L1R5 and that's why she ended up like that." and my mom will say:

"well it serves you right for not studying enough."

and my brother will say:

"huh? you are my sister! you cant do this to my reputation!"

and my father will say:

"that's why i told you, you should've gone to the temple with me to pray."

oh god. fuckfuckfuck. shizershizershizer. please let me die before i get my results!

sheesh i have to stop sleeping at 4 AM and waking up at 1 PM. so tonight i shall make myself sleep at 10!

had an accident with the hair removal cream last night and as a result i hyperventilated and nearly fainted. but i'm alright now, nothing to worry about!

o level results this fucking friday. oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit.

erlack!

*starts up chainsaw*

You are blessed with FAERY wings. Beauty,
laughter, life, magic...that's what you are all
about. You are refreshingly innocent and happy
with your life of purity and play. Life's a
game and it's a good one. In your eyes there's
no way to lose! You can be very mischeivous and
have been known to cause trouble, but it's all
in the name of fun and not meant to really harm
anyone. You like to play tricks on people who
aren't quite as bright or clever as you - which
is almost everyone. Nature is the setting you
prefer to be in - Always. Barefoot and wild you
can't be tamed. You're probably a restless
spirit who loves to travel, and quite a
dreamer. Your creativity is astounding and your
art (of whatever media - from writing to
painting to drama) is like something from
another world - ethereal and often very
fantasy-oriented. You can either be a social
butterfly or a loner with their head in the
clouds - but rarely inbetween. You stubbornly
refuse to accept responsibility or to give in
to the wishes of others - unless you feel like
it. You have a strong passion for music and
can't imagine life without it. You'll grow up
someday, but you'll always be a child at heart.
You are adventurous and love to take risks, and
feel a deep connection with the weather,
plants, and animals. You prefer sunshine to
thunder or snow, the warmth of summer to
autumn's chill, and quiet forests to suburban
backyards. Magic through and through, you are
far more powerful than you seem, and are
capable of being extremely passionate. Though
you can be childish, naive, stubborn, and self-
absorbed, one thing is certain - life with you
will never be boring!


*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

Which Royalty Are You? Find out! By Nishi.


You are a Revolutionary Woman!
You could care less about the monarchy!
You live for yourself!


You're beautiful and kick-ass! And like a female-warrior. You're resourceful, smart, tough, street-smart. You live life for yourself and not as others dictate and refuse to be branded into a category. You live apart from world and society.

went to grandmutti's (potti?) house a few hours ago and looked at old photos. potti and gongti are such posh people in the past!! and i thought they were just boring old people. potti used to be a glamour girl in the 50s, she wore those rock-n-roll fluffy dirndl skirts and had lucille ball-esque hair, and she drinks coffee in hotels. gongti used to wear all-white suits and god he is such a hottie!! then there were even pre-war pictures of potti, circa 1930s and she was wearing those starlet cheongsums (ok, she's only about 5 or 6 then) and great-grandmutti was wearing those glam glam cheongsums, high-slit and all too.

man, i'm never looking at my grandparents the same way again.

my godmum and mutti used to wear ultra short 70s miniskirts, and they have the best pairs of legs i've ever seen! what happened to those gams? they look like mutton-legs now!