hokai.

i got new hair. i'm a raving brunnette now with bangs, curls and blond highlights. although it may sound all cushy and stush, the real thing isn't very pretty. now i look like some anime j-pop freak. i'm just back from the salon (emergency repair work) but my hair still looks the same as it was 3 days ago, except now my hair smells a lot better than hydrogen peroxide now.

hazel's in the usa now, that lucky girl. she gets to escape this hellhole called o levels.

later on, if you wanna
we can dress like madonna
put on some eye shade
and join the parade
walkin' round in women's underwear

mom bought some cryonic stuff for me yesterday. included are: skater jeans (WHY?? uber unflattering on my body type), pink fuzzy leg warmers, brown suede sioux-indian boots, brand new set of cosmetics and a gorgeous cheetah printed bra.

oh by the way we spent a whopping $200 on food alone. yum yum.

i'm slapped!

slapped. that must be one of the stupidest words in the anglo-saxon dictionary. it sounds like a fat man's butt cheeks banging together.

dhaniah's thoughts are so depressing. so i'm making an uber-effort to be super cheery and happy today! let me think back on my happy idiotic childhood. when i was nine years old i accidentally knocked out a little boy's teeth. all his front teeth. it was so bloody and gory, but hey, red's a happy colour! besides i didn't know that the stupid rocking horse could smack his face so hard.

when i was twelve i betrayed my 'best friend' by putting a voodoo curse on her. as far as i can say, it is definitely working. isn't that something to be happy about?

hokai.

i wish i have something to cry about instead of living my life like a long drawnout spongebob cartoon. whenever i listen to sad songs, i try so hard to find a reason to cry about, but it seems like everything in my life is too insignificant and shallow to cry about. then i end up reading my sad tragic novels and crying bucketfuls of tears, thinking at the same time "what the fuck am i crying for you sick bitch?"

i wish i have something to accomplish, like completing my piano education, or going for opera lessons or finally finishing my unfinished stories. "You Light Up MY Life", the story of Terra and Elliot, is one of my best works but somehow now i find it shallow and mushy. the ending of "Bad Lads and Berets" was too abrupt. "Vegas Vengeance" (or more commonly known as "Excerpt from the Memoirs of a Cucumber Girl") doesn't seem very convincing to me either.

when you've been alone for a long time, you find that you tend to feel sadder (don't have to find a reason). it happens to me, but i tell myself that i don't have any reason to feel sad. i wonder if that's working. but now i find that i don't really like talking to my family anymore, except for Troll (my brother). i love my family, but i hate interacting.

heck. i'm going to play some happy christmas carols on the piano now.

The coolest girls' night out ever!!! i got $70 from victor and i spent a full $40 on food alone! yum yum!!

hokai.

Meet our latest new uber-kawaii anime superhero, Chumomo the Vacuum Cleaner Mega-Honeystars Warrior! Join Chumomo as she goes forth to annihilate the disgusting dust and dead insects from the face of the earth with her beloved vacuum cleaner, affectionately known as Kodomut. Chumomo absolutely abhors dust and insects and when they come into her way, she will whip out Kodomut and yell, "Mega-Honeystars Power to Kodomut's Sucker!" or whatever lah.

Name: Chumomo
Age: 4
Location: Lives in a high-class apartment with her damn sexy bishoujou older sister Nanasae.
School: Hokey-Pokey Kindergarten School

Name: Nanasae
Age: 24
Location: High-class apartment
Occupation: Movie star, movie sta-a-a-ar

Name: Kodomut
Age: Created when the Universe was born
Story: Was a birthday present from Nanasae to Chumomo, bought from Toys 'r' Us. Gives Chumomo the Mega-Honeystars Power to suck the dust and insects.

hokai.

me del and zcb were walking home when del saw a girl doubled over with pain. we went over to kaypoh but the girl screamed at us to go away. so we went away.

end of story.

if you have noticed, i absolutely hate spending money unless i'm spending it on food. even if i have to buy something extremely necessary, i feel like i'm wasting money. i don't see why some people don't bat a lash when they spend $100 on clothes and unnecessary entertainment. if you want to ask me out, bring me to a place with lots of good cheap food. or else i can cook and bring it over.

entertainment's in the brain, honey. you don't have to pay for it.

hokai.

so i have like a few more hours till geog elect paper. i hate geog elect. but i'm lucky i don't take pure geog. i mean, why learn about mountains and rocks that we're prolly not going to see in our whole lives? but well if you gotta do it, you gotta do it.

after the goddam os i'm going to grab all the junky romance novels and david eddings books i can find and read them all without distraction and panic. i'm only going to stop for meals and occasional computer usage (not that i can use it for long since me brother will be glued to it after his as). don't ask me to go out during the hols. i'll be at home reading and sleeping and watching super duper sumos.

these days i feel really shallow but i don't care. i think i'm turning emo. not that i listen to a lot of emocore or screamo (FYI i listen to folk and country rock and sappy emo-punk), but i'm starting to become really emotional.

i don't know what's happened to me. well if you know me, you know that i'm loud and crazy and imbecilic. but suddenly now i feel so tired. i don't want to amuse people anymore. i don't want people to know i exist. i'm getting scared of people too. i guess i'm like dad. afraid of change. afraid of new things.

when i'm in poly i don't think i want to be miss mad-hatter. i'm just going to blend into the crowd and watch the world go by. i think that will be safer. i just don't want to talk anymore. of course i'll still be the village idiot among my friends, but i guess i won't be making any new friends anymore.

i'm not depressed. in fact i feel very happy right now! depression is for attention-seeking losers.

i think i'll go to live in another country like india, far from my family.

i hate this place.

Dear Mom,
Mom, I know you'll think I'm potty,
But this time I've really found him.
Joe is what they call Midwestern.
Hard to tell you what that means
He is open, optimistic,
And makes ev'rything seem easy,
And what he likes to wear are bright red cowboy boots and jeans.
His idea of an evening is a picnic on the carpet.
I set out fried chicken and a bottle of Chablis.
He sells software and must travel,
so at home he likes relaxing,
And as we talk he runs his fingertips all over....(I'm not telling you this!)
Joe lives down in Greenwich Village
That's a trendy part of New York.
He shares a loft with an attorney
With the unlikely name of Dwight!
Says he'll get my green card,
Unless you and Dad are Cuban.
So if you haven't lied, Mom, I 'ought to be alright.

I have never felt like this,
For once I'm lost for words,
your smile has really thrown me.
This is not like me at all,
I never thought I'd know
The kind of love you've shown me.
Now no matter where I am,
No matter what I do,
I see your face appearing
Like an unexpected song,
An unexpected song that only we are hearing.
I don't know what's going on,
Can't work it out at all.
Whatever made you choose me?
I just can't believe my eyes,
you look at me as though
you couldn't bear to lose me.
Now no matter where I am,
No matter what I do,
I see your face appearing
Like an unexpected song,
An unexpected song that only we are hearing.

i realise that i can never be a big girl. i'll always be the little girl, making mistakes and knowing peanuts. i will always fall for the wrong guy, say stupid things, do crazy things, wear idiotic clothes, try ugly hairstyles etc etc.

hate hate hate.

i wish i could be immune to the opposite sex, but as usual i will get attracted to wonderful mr. wrong who laughs at me and calls me a public nuisance behind my back.

yes i know what you're saying about me because you are so damn obvious (that's on purpose right?) but still i'm stupid enough to overlook that and fall hopelessly in love with you. because one day you're gonna get struck by lightning and i'll be the only one around and you have to come to me for help and by god i'll show you what i can really help you with. i will cut you up into little pieces and throw you to the dogs before screaming how much i love you and i hate you and i really want to rip your manhood to shreds for you to feel what kind of pain you're causing me right now.

what i really want is for you to say hello to me.

ok enough of boy #1. go on to boy #2.

what the fuck do you think i am? do you think it's funny to call me names like that? i've forgiven the fact that you suddenly decided to take a hike and not come back, but to have YOUR asshole friends to call me all sorts of degrading things is unacceptable. i'm past the point of caring what had happened to me and you anyway. i just care about me.

and i still care about you, in a way.

now boy #3.

i'm flattered that you're so nice to me, but can't you see that we're totally mismatched? can't you see that i'm such a two-faced piece of baggage that deserves a good spanking and a billion dollars? you'll grow tired of trying to read my mind, trying to understand my jokes and trying to tell me to act like a girl, so please, wake up and find another girl that responds to your courting. before you turn around and call me names like all those before you.

now to all the fucking apes in the world.

boys suck and they talk rot because all that's inside is rotten anyway.

ok ok i admit! i'm shallow! i'm not like what all you people think!

WHAT I REALLY WANT IS FOR YOU TO JUST SAY HELLO TO ME!!!!

fuck you man. really, fuck you.