Laugh all you want, but my name is Josephine Victoria Goh and I'm not changing it.

Love bug is in the air! Everyone is falling in love like flies. Why, we might even hold a mass prison wedding together for all the afflicted inmates. Even Warden Chong is all gussied up today. She wore a blue top and her parting is 0.5 cm to the left of her usual. Prison Inspector Tan has some other Inspectors from other prisons to look at our ole Anderson Day Prison, and many wardens are off to lick their dinghy pongy boots.

I can't wait to finally complete my sentence in Anderson Day Prison. Our parole is shortened to 3 weeks in June. FUCK THE PRISON SYSTEM!!! I want to get my ass outta prison and hopefully, into a less fucked up prison. I hate being in jail, but aren't we all jailbirds?

I love Xi You Ji Hou Zuan. That Monkey God show. I think Sun Wu Kong is hot. And I'm really fucking glad Biyou is dead, because I'd much prefer Lianhua than Biyou. Fuck Ling'er, that lucky son of a bitch. I think Wu Tian is hot too, but I don't like his curtains of hair. I can go on watching Xi You Ji Hou Zuan forever. Yin Hui, that China scholar, says that the show is shit, and it is a disgrace to the broadcasting studio, which I think she said was the best in China. But I love the show, fucked up point of view or not.

I just don't like the way it mashes Buddhism and Taoism together.

Dad made me learn the ancient art of robe-folding so I can help him fold his Hai Qing buddhist robe. He said it would take at least an hour to learn, but obviously I've got fucking brains so I just followed the ancient art of kimono folding and folded the robe according to the sleeves and creases and folded it in 4 minutes. Then Dad said I cheated because I laid the robe on the ground and folded it and I was supposed to fold it standing up, so he unfolded the robe and folded it back again himself.

Yesterday was wicked. I got tipsy after half a bottle of hooch. My arm is still bruised from where Victor punched it. And it was really lucky that me and Dhaniah won the match 5-4 because we were broke. I decided that if we lost, I would pay for one ticket and not watch the movie. But we won so we managed to watch the movie. It was Anger Management starring Adam Sandler. I would very much prefer Johnny English, but Anger Management was funny too. Not my kind of funny though. I prefer watching the laugh-till-you-choke-on-your-tonsils movies.

I really want a kitten to raise! I want a little fat orange shorthair kitten that I can raise to a huge fat cat. I'm partial to grey and orange shorthair, but calico shorthair is fine too. But I don't like Persian or Siamese cats, because Persians shed too much hair and Siamese are too skinny. I don't like skinny things. However Mom hates things that move and are warm and furry. But what the fuck.

Who cares what she thinks anyway?

This time if I ever get a cat again, I'm going to mollycoddle it. Not going to kill it like I killed Mona, Vicky, Ningning, Kiki and Trampoline. But it wasn't my fault they died. Mom refused to let me bring them into the house and they ran away and got run over. She even refused to acknowledge them as my darlings. But now, if I get a cat, I'm going to put my foot down with a firm toe and keep it in my room.

So there.

I hate having my monthly affair. I feel so disgruntled and I feel my violent inclinations coming on. Well, I know I'm really into PMS because yesterday I just kept whacking Victor and Divian and Ching Lee. Why do PMS make me violent?

Went to East Coast Park today with Dhaniah. We skipped school and went across the nation just to stare at the beach and talk about things. I love being at the beach though. I wish I wasn't bleeding from one end of me today and I wish the weather wasn't so cold too, otherwise I would've put on my shorts and bikini top and pranced about the shore. But then everyone would see my pale chest and potbelly.

Somethings wrong.
Somethings not right.
I'm not swearing at all!
PMS does wonders to a person!
Fucking wonders!!

n i r v a n a . . . . . .

I'm not going to fucking apologise for not writing in a long time.

For dinner, ate a nourishing meal of fried fish fillet, coleslaw and pepper-doused chips from Long John Silver's. If Long John had a wife, would she be Long Joan? Ain't long johns spozed to be fucking pyjamas? Anyway after dinner me and Dhaniah wrote this song that sounded more nursery rhymish than punk. And it's titled "Black and Brown".

I am not going to sleep tonight, I will study for my Chinese Dictation and do my A-maths homework. I am going to make some coffee and prepare some painkillers later. After I complete my homework, it will probably be about 5 AM, so I might take a well-deserved nap until 6 AM. I might have to nap in class tomorrow, since I will be unable to nap afterschool. I am going out with Dhaniah and later practise how to hit a cock with a net.

I hate badminton.

My mother made me remove and discard my darling pillow stuffing. She has bought real pure cotton to stuff my pillow with, but she chickened out and I have to stuff my pillow case with two towels. I miss my synthetic cotton stuffing. Is it crying out alone, being shunned by plastic bottles and used sanitary pads? I feel so horrid! I am such a bad mother!

The fridge just died. It was rumbling and now it's silent.

Sisqo: You want me to stand against the wall and have balls flying at my face? Now I know how Christina Aguilera feels.

I don't know what to say about myself. I won't say I'm weird, since SO many people are claiming that they are weird, I feel normal. Fuck, I'm so pissed off with everybody. Espesh those W bitches in my life. Trying so hard to be 'individual' and 'different', they become poseurs. They try to talk cool and act like untouchables, then when they all get together, they act like brainless bimbos. No dignity at all. So eager to please the pricks so they can be popular.

Fuck the pussy Tuo Zhi. He's a HUGE HUGE HUGE poseur. So much of a poseur that he called the real breakers and skaters poseurs. He is so consumed with this Meoteorite Park or whatever fucking name show that he tries so hard to be one of the four long-haired humanoids featured. He even formed this group of fuckers called, what? A4!! WHAT THE FUCK. And he acts so superior to everyone else, like the A4 is the elite fraternity everyone looks up to (if you ask any Tomdickorharry, they wouldn't even know what the fuck is A4). I DON'T give a fuck. He's scared of me. I don't understand why the Funguses flirt with him so much when all he does is snub them and insult them. I don't like him and I make it known to all humanity.

Anyway enough of this disparaging talk about pricks and cunts. Went to get my trucks yesterday with the madfucks. Got a pair of shiny gold titan trucks. But if you ask me, all trucks look the same, except for the colour and price. Then went to explore different 7-11 stores to see if we could get any vodka. But Ching Lee was wearing his school uni, so despite flashing his HONG KONG IC, he wasn't successful. So we trekked to Carrefour and Victor and Divian bought three tonnes of bread and donuts. As I had already eaten my lunch with half the Funguses, I wasn't hungry. In fact, I was close to puking. But they made me take a donut, which I gobbled with teeny microscopic chomps. Then I couldn't eat anymore, so I gave Ching Lee a facial with the chocolate coating on it, then a vicious foot-to-shin combat. On the way home we made fuck faces at each other, and I demonstrated my Come Hither fuck face which somehow gave them the creeps. Ha.

When I got home, I was still so grossed out so I didn't eat dinner. There wasn't any dinner anyway. So I locked myself in my room and chained myself to my desk and....dozed off. Then I woke up and did some of my SARS homework. It was about 10 pm, and my stomach was doing a rain dance and my intestines a rap number. So I opened a can of tuna, doused it black pepper and ate it with leftover bread and a whole cucumber. When I was full, I went back to my room and did some English. Somehow, my feet led me to my bed, and I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, the lights were glaring and the clock said 5:21 AM.

Fuck.

So I went to school, got myself humiliated once or twice, humiliated others, bit off that fucker Tuo Zhi's head, came home, took a nap, watched Iron Chef (my fave!) and took another nap, and had dinner, watched Monkey King, showered, 20 minutes of homework and here I am typing this blog and printing my FUCKING CHINESE ONLINE HOMEWORK.

FUCK THIS WHOLE MISERABLE PLANET BECAUSE I WAS BORN A SHE-MALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had to wake up fucking early this morning to go out skating. Not that I can skate. But I think I lost some weight from all that running around. First we went to youth park which I think was fucking sexy (even saw an ugly woman modelling bikinis). Then we went to City Hall and irritated a lot of people. And it got fucking hot as the sun (Div's balls) rears its ugly head. So we got our asses down to some ulu place where we spent most our time. Why? Because it's ulu, empty, huge and air-conditioned. And the ground is really smooth. Then we proceeded to whip each other. I managed to learn how to put two feet on the deck and move continuously and turn left and right (it's still lousy though) and I went down this really gentle slope (but it's really scary [to me]). However I fell a lot of times and the worst was when the base of my spine hit the ground and my legs were all twisted.

I irritated everyone by doing my Irritating Laugh. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. We parked our asses in BK for lunch and Ching Lee that Bastard-who-Insulted-My-Blog went to use his "Cao Ji Hua Hua Gong Zi" skill to charm some girls into giving him their BK coupons. Victor slapped me out of no reason twice.

"If your right eye hurts you, poke it out." - Holy Bible
So, Div, chop off your left foot. The Bible says so.

Lastly, I'm going to say, Fuck the Galaxy and all its fucking planets and stars and fucking meoteorites and holes.

5 HOURS LATER...

Fuck my right leg hurts like hell. I'm going to chop that mofo off sooner or later. Bastard leg I shouldn't have given birth to you had I known your father that motherfucking sonovabitch would run away with that Taipei slut. Wait a minute, what the FUCK did I say that for?

I took a nap at 6 and my dad woke me up at 7 to prepare dinner. Damnation. See how hard life is for a girl? Have to pretend I'm a gentle ku-niang at home, prepare dinner, sit nicely and listen to Chinese pop music. What the fuck.

What the fuck.

WHAT THE FUCK.

Went to NTUC today to ward off boredom and to help Victor with his sudden craving for steak. And fed a lot of fucking mosquitos on the way since the mofo weather is so mofo.

Last night I was up till early dawn trying out my dollmaking skills. After long years of lack of practice, I must say I'm still pretty darn good at it. Look at this picture of the Friggletwits before they got married and had kids. It's Friggletwits, not Friggletits. Tits don't friggle, they jiggle, get it?



Last term during EFL Dhaniah and I were so bored of hearing that mealy-mouth gay talk, we decided to draw out a family. We created Spike and Moira Punk, and their children Sputnik and Mimi, and Spike's mother Harriet. Then our imagination led to Cassandra, Bella and Mortimer Goth, Kate and Nate Skate, Ben and Mary Mod etc etc. Our latest is Ling and Long Asian. Then we decided to call them Friggletwits because they live in Friggletwit Lane.

Aren't they so fucking cute?

Okay, now I've actually got readers for this blog, I better clean up my potty mouth.

The fuck I will.

Anyway, today the Day Prison sent me a bunch of homework to do through snail mail. I thought it was fucking quaint. It's sad to think that we're all on parole from Anderson Day Prison, then we have to report back next week. Fuck! Get me out of this hellhole fast! Then there's the Sports Carnival shit. A Prison Telematch with a fancy name. I don't want to be a cheerleader. I don't want to do anything. Fuck prison. Fuck Council. Fuck Warden Chongster. This year I'm going to give it a miss and go somewhere to vandalise things. Like a hospital. And I'll get Sars and be a super-infector and infect the whole prison. WHOOHOO~~ This is the fucking life, man.

Wally: Hey pipsqueak, cat still got your tongue?
Travis Barker: Hey dickweed, mom still got your balls?

Anyway when is Operation Drag Queen going to take place? I'm getting fucking bored of just sitting around at home.

Last night, or rather this morning, I was chatting with Victor online and then the topic turned to gays and assholes. I managed to convince him into doing something rather interesting. Narrow-minded Ws might think it's perverted and sick, but it's perfectly normal to me. I've done it before. If you want to know what the fuck I'm referring, ask me and I'll consider telling you.

And, the last thing I'm going to say is, Fuck the Universe. Fuck Earth, Fuck Mars, Fuck Mercury, Fuck Venus, Fuck Jupiter, Fuck Uranus, Fuck Neptune, Fuck Saturn and Fuck Pluto. And Fuck Mickey Mouse too since he comes with the package. And Fuck Minnie Mouse and Donald Duck and Daisy Duck and Goofy and......

I am so fucked up bored in this fucked up house. My mom is a bitch and a fucked up bitch at that. She keeps bragging about herself and when I was helping to cook dinner (Fuck! So much food for only four people), she asked me, "How many of your friends' mothers can cook as well as me?" I thought, fuck, even I can cook as well as her, and, fuck, I don't have that many friends too. I said, "All my friends' mothers can cook." Then she said, "But they either have a maid or they don't work. I am a resourcing department head." Then, when I didn't bother to reply to her shit, she continued, "I have to be a man and a woman at the same time. I work and drive you guys to school, then come home and clean the house and cook, whenever anything breaks I have to fix it, have to iron the clothes (FUCK!!! SHE DOES NOT DO THAT!!!) blah blah blah" At this point I walked out of the kitchen.
Then I had to go back into the kitchen to deep fry the fucking famosa (famosa. HA! Like as if there is not enough food on the table, I have cook something which no one ate). I got bored of frying those things and standing there and getting burnt by boiling oil, so I decided to prance around the kitchen. Then my biological female parent called me 'chor lor' and said, "That's what happens when you sit with boys too long." Fuck! What's wrong with her?!?!

I really wish I am a boy sometimes. I hate being stuck in the middle of boy and girl. Then on second thougts, it's better being in the middle. If I ever feel like wearing mascara, lip gloss or a dress, I can do so without people thinking, what's this fucking fag doing in drag?! I can gossip with Elaine and Dhaniah and bitch all I want and complain about cramps and periods and walk down Orchard Road in a sarong and bikini top and people won't think I'm acting in MTV Jackass.

The last thing I want to say is, Fuck the World. Fuck the War, Fuck the Sars, and Fuck YOU.

Dhaniah came over today and I gave her a makeover. I turned her into a Gorl! (Goth Girl) I used a combination of black and silver eyeshadow on her eyes and a combination of brown and purple on her mouth. The finishing touch was I gave her a headful of twisted dreads. It is easy making twisted dreads actually, but extremely messy. You put a shitload of shaving cream into your hair and twist sections into uh, twists. Then spray a shitload of hairspray to the roots to freeze it down. Apply a shitload of wax to the ends of your dreads to make them stay put. Then give your dreads a blowjob with the hairdryer. You got dreads now.

Visit Victor's site, it has a great layout. You can skip Chinglee's, it sucks.

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
We don't need no water
Let the mother fucker burn
Burn mother fucker, burn

Some fucker is burning some shit downstairs. What the fuck, it's making me go all woozy from inhaling the damn smoke. Bitch, call the fire brigade!

THE BIG NEWS: LESLIE CHEUNG COMMITTED SUICIDE IN HONG KONG

Oh My God.
My
God.

He killed himself! I can't believe it, this can't be true! I love his movies and I'll always do. Leslie, you'll always be in my heart. God bless your mortal soul.

The main highlight of the day was I met up with Victor and he gave me a bunch of VCDs. Fuck, these are some good shit! MTV Jackass and CKY. Nearly choked on my tonsils. WHAHAHAHAHA.

Is it white? Or is it black? Or is it a fear...
A fear of the dark...

Del, you sound like Mellissa. I suggest you cut that out because you sound like a bimbo with empty brain container.