back. too lazy to blog here, blogging mostly on dhan's blog.

kapu kapu kapu kapu

why do people care so much about how they look anyway? some people are afraid that others will despise them at first sight. well you don't have have to worry about anything. i myself wear slippers and shorts to paragon and wander into posh shops too. you don't have to be scared.

everybody seems so depressed nowadays. can't they take a cue from billy and jenny and me and live their lives like a long drawn-out spongebob cartoon? how come it seems like they try so hard to find something to be sad about, pierce every part of their bodies, listen to disturbing music, write self-pitying diary entries, when they could just whip off their clothes and do the super duper sumos routine in the nude and be happy?

no no i don't dance in the nude. i might give some little eyes emotional scars.

by the way i might want to become Ana. i can never be Mia though, cos i hate the taste of puke.

i said nearly though.

anyway my china diary will be up in a few days. i've been recording the events in a notebook while i was there, but some parts have been censored due to sexual content. ha ha.

here i am, back safe and sound. ohhh darling dhaniah how lovely of you to worry about me!! i got you a gorgeous prezzie that nearly blew away all my cash!

i'll be leaving for china tomorrow. i might die in a plane crash.

choi!

touch wood!

i love michael jackson. i don't care what you fuckers say about him but i love michael jackson.

i hate you!

if i ever become a boy, i'll be a cross-dressing gay. like germaine tay says, i am a fag hag. she's right. and i'm not only a fag hag. i really want to become a boy. i wish i was born a boy. you won't know how many times i wake up and wish i had a penis.

don't get me wrong here. i love being a woman. but i would love being a man too.

hokai.

i got new hair. i'm a raving brunnette now with bangs, curls and blond highlights. although it may sound all cushy and stush, the real thing isn't very pretty. now i look like some anime j-pop freak. i'm just back from the salon (emergency repair work) but my hair still looks the same as it was 3 days ago, except now my hair smells a lot better than hydrogen peroxide now.

hazel's in the usa now, that lucky girl. she gets to escape this hellhole called o levels.

later on, if you wanna
we can dress like madonna
put on some eye shade
and join the parade
walkin' round in women's underwear

mom bought some cryonic stuff for me yesterday. included are: skater jeans (WHY?? uber unflattering on my body type), pink fuzzy leg warmers, brown suede sioux-indian boots, brand new set of cosmetics and a gorgeous cheetah printed bra.

oh by the way we spent a whopping $200 on food alone. yum yum.

i'm slapped!

slapped. that must be one of the stupidest words in the anglo-saxon dictionary. it sounds like a fat man's butt cheeks banging together.

dhaniah's thoughts are so depressing. so i'm making an uber-effort to be super cheery and happy today! let me think back on my happy idiotic childhood. when i was nine years old i accidentally knocked out a little boy's teeth. all his front teeth. it was so bloody and gory, but hey, red's a happy colour! besides i didn't know that the stupid rocking horse could smack his face so hard.

when i was twelve i betrayed my 'best friend' by putting a voodoo curse on her. as far as i can say, it is definitely working. isn't that something to be happy about?

hokai.

i wish i have something to cry about instead of living my life like a long drawnout spongebob cartoon. whenever i listen to sad songs, i try so hard to find a reason to cry about, but it seems like everything in my life is too insignificant and shallow to cry about. then i end up reading my sad tragic novels and crying bucketfuls of tears, thinking at the same time "what the fuck am i crying for you sick bitch?"

i wish i have something to accomplish, like completing my piano education, or going for opera lessons or finally finishing my unfinished stories. "You Light Up MY Life", the story of Terra and Elliot, is one of my best works but somehow now i find it shallow and mushy. the ending of "Bad Lads and Berets" was too abrupt. "Vegas Vengeance" (or more commonly known as "Excerpt from the Memoirs of a Cucumber Girl") doesn't seem very convincing to me either.

when you've been alone for a long time, you find that you tend to feel sadder (don't have to find a reason). it happens to me, but i tell myself that i don't have any reason to feel sad. i wonder if that's working. but now i find that i don't really like talking to my family anymore, except for Troll (my brother). i love my family, but i hate interacting.

heck. i'm going to play some happy christmas carols on the piano now.

The coolest girls' night out ever!!! i got $70 from victor and i spent a full $40 on food alone! yum yum!!

hokai.

Meet our latest new uber-kawaii anime superhero, Chumomo the Vacuum Cleaner Mega-Honeystars Warrior! Join Chumomo as she goes forth to annihilate the disgusting dust and dead insects from the face of the earth with her beloved vacuum cleaner, affectionately known as Kodomut. Chumomo absolutely abhors dust and insects and when they come into her way, she will whip out Kodomut and yell, "Mega-Honeystars Power to Kodomut's Sucker!" or whatever lah.

Name: Chumomo
Age: 4
Location: Lives in a high-class apartment with her damn sexy bishoujou older sister Nanasae.
School: Hokey-Pokey Kindergarten School

Name: Nanasae
Age: 24
Location: High-class apartment
Occupation: Movie star, movie sta-a-a-ar

Name: Kodomut
Age: Created when the Universe was born
Story: Was a birthday present from Nanasae to Chumomo, bought from Toys 'r' Us. Gives Chumomo the Mega-Honeystars Power to suck the dust and insects.

hokai.

me del and zcb were walking home when del saw a girl doubled over with pain. we went over to kaypoh but the girl screamed at us to go away. so we went away.

end of story.

if you have noticed, i absolutely hate spending money unless i'm spending it on food. even if i have to buy something extremely necessary, i feel like i'm wasting money. i don't see why some people don't bat a lash when they spend $100 on clothes and unnecessary entertainment. if you want to ask me out, bring me to a place with lots of good cheap food. or else i can cook and bring it over.

entertainment's in the brain, honey. you don't have to pay for it.

hokai.

so i have like a few more hours till geog elect paper. i hate geog elect. but i'm lucky i don't take pure geog. i mean, why learn about mountains and rocks that we're prolly not going to see in our whole lives? but well if you gotta do it, you gotta do it.

after the goddam os i'm going to grab all the junky romance novels and david eddings books i can find and read them all without distraction and panic. i'm only going to stop for meals and occasional computer usage (not that i can use it for long since me brother will be glued to it after his as). don't ask me to go out during the hols. i'll be at home reading and sleeping and watching super duper sumos.

these days i feel really shallow but i don't care. i think i'm turning emo. not that i listen to a lot of emocore or screamo (FYI i listen to folk and country rock and sappy emo-punk), but i'm starting to become really emotional.

i don't know what's happened to me. well if you know me, you know that i'm loud and crazy and imbecilic. but suddenly now i feel so tired. i don't want to amuse people anymore. i don't want people to know i exist. i'm getting scared of people too. i guess i'm like dad. afraid of change. afraid of new things.

when i'm in poly i don't think i want to be miss mad-hatter. i'm just going to blend into the crowd and watch the world go by. i think that will be safer. i just don't want to talk anymore. of course i'll still be the village idiot among my friends, but i guess i won't be making any new friends anymore.

i'm not depressed. in fact i feel very happy right now! depression is for attention-seeking losers.

i think i'll go to live in another country like india, far from my family.

i hate this place.

Dear Mom,
Mom, I know you'll think I'm potty,
But this time I've really found him.
Joe is what they call Midwestern.
Hard to tell you what that means
He is open, optimistic,
And makes ev'rything seem easy,
And what he likes to wear are bright red cowboy boots and jeans.
His idea of an evening is a picnic on the carpet.
I set out fried chicken and a bottle of Chablis.
He sells software and must travel,
so at home he likes relaxing,
And as we talk he runs his fingertips all over....(I'm not telling you this!)
Joe lives down in Greenwich Village
That's a trendy part of New York.
He shares a loft with an attorney
With the unlikely name of Dwight!
Says he'll get my green card,
Unless you and Dad are Cuban.
So if you haven't lied, Mom, I 'ought to be alright.

I have never felt like this,
For once I'm lost for words,
your smile has really thrown me.
This is not like me at all,
I never thought I'd know
The kind of love you've shown me.
Now no matter where I am,
No matter what I do,
I see your face appearing
Like an unexpected song,
An unexpected song that only we are hearing.
I don't know what's going on,
Can't work it out at all.
Whatever made you choose me?
I just can't believe my eyes,
you look at me as though
you couldn't bear to lose me.
Now no matter where I am,
No matter what I do,
I see your face appearing
Like an unexpected song,
An unexpected song that only we are hearing.

i realise that i can never be a big girl. i'll always be the little girl, making mistakes and knowing peanuts. i will always fall for the wrong guy, say stupid things, do crazy things, wear idiotic clothes, try ugly hairstyles etc etc.

hate hate hate.

i wish i could be immune to the opposite sex, but as usual i will get attracted to wonderful mr. wrong who laughs at me and calls me a public nuisance behind my back.

yes i know what you're saying about me because you are so damn obvious (that's on purpose right?) but still i'm stupid enough to overlook that and fall hopelessly in love with you. because one day you're gonna get struck by lightning and i'll be the only one around and you have to come to me for help and by god i'll show you what i can really help you with. i will cut you up into little pieces and throw you to the dogs before screaming how much i love you and i hate you and i really want to rip your manhood to shreds for you to feel what kind of pain you're causing me right now.

what i really want is for you to say hello to me.

ok enough of boy #1. go on to boy #2.

what the fuck do you think i am? do you think it's funny to call me names like that? i've forgiven the fact that you suddenly decided to take a hike and not come back, but to have YOUR asshole friends to call me all sorts of degrading things is unacceptable. i'm past the point of caring what had happened to me and you anyway. i just care about me.

and i still care about you, in a way.

now boy #3.

i'm flattered that you're so nice to me, but can't you see that we're totally mismatched? can't you see that i'm such a two-faced piece of baggage that deserves a good spanking and a billion dollars? you'll grow tired of trying to read my mind, trying to understand my jokes and trying to tell me to act like a girl, so please, wake up and find another girl that responds to your courting. before you turn around and call me names like all those before you.

now to all the fucking apes in the world.

boys suck and they talk rot because all that's inside is rotten anyway.

ok ok i admit! i'm shallow! i'm not like what all you people think!

WHAT I REALLY WANT IS FOR YOU TO JUST SAY HELLO TO ME!!!!

fuck you man. really, fuck you.

you know what's my GREATEST ambition? to be miss universe!!!

however to be miss universe i have to be beautiful and slim, two things that i'm not. and it will be a total scream if the people i know see me wearing a bathing suit and strutting my pot belly on international TV. haha!!

but well, it won't hurt to dream a bit.

let's see, to be miss universe i have to:

1) Lots of plastic surgery.
2) braces.
3) lots of $$$.
4) liposuction.
5) walk gracefully.
6) talk without swearing every 3 words.

that's it. i don't want to be miss universe anymore!!!

click here to find out which asian action superstar you are!

You are Jackie
Chan! you like to take risks. you live for the moment. you are a thrill-seeker.
At heart, you're a really nice person.

you funny, charasmatic and full of energy. although sometimes your goofness
gets you into trouble, your

drunken boxing skills are fabulous! just bring a pot of rice wine with you.

i like taking quizzes. but sometimes i don't like the results.

You're an Emerald. You are goofy and unique. You're
very easy to be with and a lot of fun too. The
type of person someone could be friends with
easily.


What Jewel Are You?
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Senko - "Wizard Child; Hermit Child"
Sponsored by www.life-blood.cjb.net


What would your Japanese name be? (female)
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You should be dating an Aquarius.
20 January - 18 February
Your mate is communicative, thoughtful and caring.
Though he/she can be tactless and rude and
sometimes self-interested, he/she enjoys the
intellectual experience of sex.


What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
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You're Exotic Dancer Barbie. You have some moves,
and will do anything for a few bucks. Take it
off girl, but keep it PG-13 please.


If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
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anyway off the subject. i plucked off half my eyebrows this afternoon and cried three buckets of tears because of the sheer pain and stupidity on my part.

i need a job. i fucked up my prelims and now i've got a three-month-long vacation full of dirty looks and household chores. i need a job very badly.

i'm too ugly to be a barmaid or a bartop dancer.

i'm too honest to be a salesgirl.

i'm too slow to be a cashier in macdonalds.

i'm too dangerous to be a kindergarten teacher.

i'm too unhygienic to be a toilet cleaner.

i'm too clumsy to be a waitress.

i need a job. but no one wants to hire me!!!!

something v funny. derrick asked delphine to tell me to remove his name from my blog. what?! like as if i said something bad about him. derrick you're being oversensitive. but even if it ruins your reputation that i was your ex-girlfriend, i still won't remove your name because this is MY blog and i can say ANYTHING i want on it.

besides i've already said sorry when we broke up, so it's over between us. man....you've got another girl after me anyway, why still so sensitive when i talk about you?

Headache! It hurts to even do simple things like chew on a frozen chocolate cake.

I am officially afraid of the dark. Why? Because I was stupid enough to play the ouija board. After that hair-raising experience I am now paranoid that spirits are following me. I sleep with the lights on. Last night I turned off the lights and was dropping off to dreamland when BUMP! went my study desk. I nearly jumped out of my clothes. I spent two minutes trying to convince myself that it was just my desk contracting, then I heard a distinct click-click-click. It was near me. I jumped out of bed and turned on the lights and the Thing vapourised! So I decided to study geography until I nodded off.

Have to stop blogging. Have to start A Maths.

Say! I feel most lucky, being so happy and normal and ordinary. I can scoff at people who moan about themselves all day long because that's not what I'm gonna do, no sirree! I'm great, I'm talented and best of all, EVERYBODY LIKES ME!

Okay now don't spoil this moment for me. I'm trying my best to kid myself into that mode. At least I'm not like some people who are dying to be different and end up being mainstream, or other people who are forever drowning in self-pity and angst. Let me count my blessings. I've got my imagination. I've got my pencils and paper. I've got my piano. I've got my movie collection. I've got my pillow and blankie. I've got my stuffed toys. I've got a wonderful brother. See? I've so lucky and priveleged!

I AM CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS! I'M FASTER THAN A SPEEDING WAISTBAND!
TRA-LA-LAAA!!!

I can safely presume that I'm the most sane, down-to-earth and ordinary girl in the world. I used to think that it would be cool to be different, but now I realise that it's far more satisfying to be normal. Being normal gives you a hold over the people who want to be different. You can look down on them and sniff and say, "What poor downtrodden creatures!"

So anyway I've not given up on my ambition to be a musical actress and go on Broadway. You know there is a fantastically wide difference being a singer and a musical West End/Broadway actress don't you? I want to be the next Lea Salonga, but unlike me she has supportive parents.

However that's just a crazy ambition since nobody likes seeing me onstage. Remember my Phantom of the Opera fiasco? Everybody could see my five-inch platform boots under my gown and realise I'm not as tall as I ought to be. Ha, ha. My first performance as young Cossette when I was 9 was a flop too, because then I didn't know how to sweep the floor. So I just paraded up and down dragging a broom as tall as I am behind me.

But that's all over now.

I don't understand people at all. They do the most outrageous things, things that can kill them, things that they don't like and yet they refuse to stop doing them. The saddest part is that they think it's such a big deal to them. Like it's their life or something.

And while people go out to get themselves killed, I'll sit quietly before the monitor ogling over personal ads. It's much more of life than what they call 'life'. Some people get embroiled in the underground scene. Some do drugs. Some get pregnant, get diseased. Some, especially some, turn to being call girls, bar maids etc. Some even get landed in jail or rehab. I know these people. I could've been one of those people. You'd never know.

But I'm sane. I know what life means. I know of past suffering and future joy. You can say I've got sense in my somewhat empty head. I don't do crazy things just to prove myself. I don't date older men and sell my body just to get extra pocket money, like M. I don't hang out in bars just to be grown-up, like E. I don't get entangled with gangs like B, W and D. I don't do drugs and drinks like so many people I know. I'm glad that N is finally turning over a new leaf after getting out of jail. He's got sense too.

Why don't I do these things? Because I've seen my fresh innocent girlfriends turn old and hard and trashy. I've seen guyfriends trying too hard to prove themselves, sometimes paying the ultimate sacrifice. I'm the typical mollycoddled, pampered and protected little missy, but the hell am I innocent. I've seen a lot, and I am to keep seeing things for the rest of my life.

But I'm content with my lot. That makes a difference. Expect less, and you'll receive a lot more.

P.S. Don't bother asking me about this. This is all you're gonna know about my negative side.

The day started off unimpressive enough. Woke at nine, had Lo Mai Kai and a cup of chicken Bovril for breakfast. And a Kit-Kat bar. Then used the com to type one chapter of one of my fantasy story. While typing I had writer's block and went out to clean bicycle. FYI: it stinks. When bicycle is clean, I went back to com and turned it off. Dad cooked his Save the World vegetarian soup noodles. It's real simple. Get a huge pot, dump three packets of instant noodles into it along with all the leftovers of the past week, including the old frozen rice. Bring it to boil. It is now ready to eat.

I spent the later half of my day clearing my room and ironing my clothes and reorganizing my aromatherapy drawer. Then I studied the Genotype section of Biology, before reading a bit of fiction. Aunt Iris and Uncle Jason came over. Aunt Iris gave a bunch of good but useless advice on ironing clothes. They left after about 20 minutes. I went back to my life. Mom returned from her trip in Thailand and got a bunch of goodies. She gave me 30 candles to add to my aromatherapy drawer. Also two new handbags and a black silk sarong which will prolly become my prom outfit.

We had decent food for dinner. Kentucky Fried Chicken. Mom was telling us about the movie Finding Nemo (she said Finding Meno) she watched on the plane. I had to correct her retelling, it's got lots of boo-boos.

Speaking of movies, I want to watch Daddy Day Care. I think people who watch teenybopper movies like Lizzie McGuire and Twins Effect are losers, because there ain't no morals in teenybopper movies. Besides, Twins Effect sounds like the typical Hong Kong translation of Buffy. When Hong Kong movies start to Westernize, you know it ain't good. What happened to the good old movies of Tony Leung Ka Fai and Leslie Cheung?

Anyway the best part of the day was Mom gave me a digital camera. It's old and low-tech but it's good.

Dear ******,

I miss you, do you miss me too? It's been such a long long time I've seen your face. A long long time since I've confided in you. If only you hadn't left, I wouldn't have turned out into this mess.

I've been trying to figure out who am I. My moods change dramatically from one moment to the next. And though I may act like a stand up comedian to one person, I would ignore another, even if I like them both equally. I've been controlling my temper rather well. I realised that though it is a thrill to be angry and destroy things, it is much more easier and less exhausting to just drop it and look for other things to be amused at.

Well. Let me admit. I went into a relationship last year, but it didn't work out. His name is Derrick Vennard and he is an Anglo-Portuguese Singaporean. He's not very cute actually. In fact he was very skinny. But he treated me really well. So well so that I felt being guilty with him. Then I began to see faults in him. So we broke up.

Guess I'm still too immature.

But I've learnt alot from this experience. Like the last letter I wrote you, I've realised a relationship requires a lot of self-discipline, personal space and time. I'm still as narcissistic as ever, there is no room in my heart for a another person. I would rather love than be loved, because I want freedom. Not suffocation.

In my last letter, I said that I still cry when I think of you. I still do. I think I'll always cry when I think of you. You were my bastion of strength. But now you're not here anymore. Sometimes when I come home, when I stand at the door, I can still hear you lazing on the couch watching Channel 8 serials. Then when I enter the house, I am greeted with consuming silence. An empty house.

I guess that's enough for now. I hope you'll read this letter, but then that's wishful thinking. But I know you'll always love me, and will always think of me.

Wherever you are, God Bless and thank you.

Love,
Me

Which HP Kid Are You?

err.......me is both?


Which [Charlie's Angels] characters are you?

i like lucy liu.

WOOHOO~

Yet again we slogged to get a tiny gilt-plated plaque that says Gold, and entry into Choral Excellence, only to graduate and start life all over again. But well, at least we, Class of 2003, left a legacy behind.

After school Dhaniah and I went to explore our inner Gaias. We climbed a tree and sat on the branches and talked about life past, present and future. Then she taught me the song we were spozed to jam on Thursday. A bunch of cheekos in uniform came by and tried in vain to catch our attention by saying we're indecently exposed. We ignored them and they grew tired and slunk away.

We saw a blue-headed little lizard, a huge bumble bee and about half a dozen curious on-lookers trying to figure out why on earth is those two demented schoolgirls doing singing karaoke in a tree.

I shall resolve to be happier and less pessimistic. I shall clean up my vocabulary and correct the way I walk. I shall limit myself to fifteen expletives a day and think happy thoughts. I shall not be depressive or insulting, and I shall be nice to people worth being nice to. I shall stop beating Weihao up for no reason. Instead, I shall find a reason before whacking him.

My foots hurt. Went looking for ethnic clothes with Dhaniah. Considering getting the funny Indian/African/Arabian shirt, except it makes me look like a scarecrow.

Going to watch Holland V. I totally hate these characters: Siting, Lingling's husband, the bapok, Lingling's ex-boss and Edison.

Gramma and Grampa will be staying here for a WEEK!! Finally I can get to live a decent life eating decent food looking at real loving couples. Things between Mom and Dad are see-sawing. Right now they are gibbering about the TV wondering what went wrong with a PLASMA TV (there only happened to be one colour on it. Blue.)

Oh. I think its repaired already.

My feet really really hurt. I think I'll give ballet a miss tomorrow. I'll never going to pull off that stunt again, what with getting shoes and socks sloshed with rain and then standing at attention in an air-conditioned auditorium for 5 hours while killing me softly with my feet.

Today we went to Fairfield Methodist to cavort with the Methodist people and the Cheena people from River Valley. Another 5 hours of standing on socked foots. Taught Agnes Wong some Cantonese expletives and she was so horrified she rubbed me with her religious talisman.

Oh yah I saw Jia Hui while going home today.

livingdeaddolls
you are dark. and pretty scary.
you hate the world. and dont give a shit about
them.


what type of doll are you?
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Ha!

Relationships don't last. Take a look around you. Look at Mom and Dad. Look at myself. Look at yourself.

So it's best to always love yourself the most and don't love anyone else. The opposite sex was created for a quick shag. Dance a little dance, make a little love. But never commit yourself to it or else you'll find yourself smack-bang married with two adolescent kids and a boring spouse.

Why must we get married in order to be respectable in this stifling Asian-traditioned society? Asian values are honorable and noble, but just not too cut-out for modernistas and modernistos like us. What's wrong with polygamy and cohabitation and children born out of wedlock and unmarried parents and gay parents/children?

But fine. Let them people rush about falling in love getting married. I'll just remain single and unavailable my whole life.

Like I said, I know you don't like me, so don't talk to me.

Seagull


What Finding Nemo Character are You?
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Kitty Goth


What Kind of Goth Are You?
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PUNK ROCK : Like a revived species of nearly extinct salamander, Punk Rock Asian Girls are a rare type, but slowly climbing up to existence again. Your passions are mainly music and anime and you've probably dyed your hair some odd color of the rainbrow. And if you haven't, you probably will. You often feel like you are misunderstood, but don't worry. Just think about thongs. Very funny.


What Asian Girl Are You?
VISIT HTTP://JEALOUSY.TK

Spurred on by the recent purchase of the 29-inch plasma TV, Dad bought the entire home theatre set and a 100-watt woofer. The windows vibrate to the beat of the music. If you close your eyes, get your whole family to scream and mosh together, and play Blink 182 on the stereo, you can just forget about queueing for concert tickets.

Right now I'm practicing lindy hop, with Stupid Cupid blasting from the speakers.

Great News! My first book is finished! Book One: Berets and Bad Lads of the Lulu's Mind series! I only wonder if anyone would bother to publish it. I'm starting on Book Two: Frogs, Etoiles and Berets now.

A/N: Charlene, sorry about it, but Lulu didn't go with Ewan in the end. Why should all stories end with a couple? We girls should be independent!

The song Cui Dong Cui is stuck in my head! But instead, it's Jennifer's Sichuan-accented version.

CUI DONG CUI DONG JIN SHAR YOU-E

And she stressed that 'R' sound in 'Shar'. Actually I think it was spozed to be:

CUI DONG CUI DONG JIN SHA AH YOU

1st of July! (yeah whaddafuck?)

Horrigible prelim orals today! I practised 5 different ways of saying "I don't know" in Chinese, much to the examiner's chagrin. I mean, what the HELL is he saying anyway?

After orals I went lunch with Ber and Lisi. Had fun bitching about some people, which climaxed in a cupful of root beer down my front. Then had to sit sumo-style for uniform to dry. On the way back to school I saw my 'brudder' across the street. Waved to him and Azizi. By the way my brudder is Joey Oyada Jr.

Mugged in the sub-zero continent of .search lab in school. Fingers turned fairly blue while my brain turned green. Was studying the microbes chapter in Blodge. Virus and bacteria and the like. They look really cute. I wonder if there are any coccus bacterium with a single flagellum. Maybe it will be called Spermus Cocci.

Josephine LaMarr hates being called Jojo. Call me Joey or Josephine or P.W., but NEVER Jojo.

Watch out Vidal Sassoon! When I brandish my scissors no one can stop me!

I gave Wee Meng a teeny trim and a bit of thinning, and Zhao a major makeover. This is my best attempt at hairdressing so far. I guess it's because I've got experience with his hair before. I practised sloping on him, something which I've never done before. I must say it turned out better than expected, although the edges are pretty uneven, the result of Zhao falling asleep and tilting his head aside. But finally I got the mop on his head down to a perfectly respectable haircut.

Between my brother and I we ate two large pizzas last night. Mom and Dad won't be home till Wednesday, so it's -whoohoo- livin' solo right now. The house is getting into a beautiful mess.

I'm never eating pizzas again.

Aventurine for my brother
Colour black
No preservatives
Solitaire
Physical Resources
Ballad Pour Adeline
Ceiling fan black

Wow, i HATE this new layout for Blogger.

Wednesday was really fun, because I finally stepped out of my own shell and went to town with Dhaniah. We went to Chinatown, that is. Kreta Ayer. Niu Che Shui. So we decided to use the new NE-Line to go to Chinatown instead of traipsing all the way to Bedok and taking a bus. The story goes:

We made our way down to Dhoby Ghaut station, then walked about like blind loons looking for the NE-Line. Then went with the general flow to the other part of the station, which looked like a hospital lobby. We stepped onto the conveyor, and got smashed like tuna. I stupidly looked down at my feet and stepped around, wondering why it didn't descend then realised it was a conveyor, not an escalator. Dhaniah was already convulsing with laughter.

When we got onto the spanking new trains, we looked incredulously at the curious-looking two-toned seats. It was surprisingly comfy. Our reflections were extremely magnified, by the way.

When we reached Chinatown station, it was as crowded as China. Hoo~. The address on Dhaniah's card said New Bridge Road, so we exited Entrance A. Then walked around like blind loons looking for Chinatown Point. While we were doing so it began to rain again. Somehow we found the building and then tore our hair out when we saw a MRT exit just beside it.

Anyway we went into New Age Circle. I bought 100g of crystals, and I could only identify a couple. Rose quartz, tiger-eye, blue lace agate and aventurine. The rest looked as foreign to me as aquarium pebbles.

Mission accomplished, we traipsed back to the station. Then feeling adventurous, we decided to stop at Clarke Quay station to explore the nightclubs. However we went into Kinokuniya's instead and looked at Wicca grimoires.

Finally time threatened to throw us out, so we went our separate ways home.

Today I gave Brother the Aventurine Stone.

Okay I'll continue where I left off. I had to go out for dinner with Dad. When coming back we saw this really sad old lady selling tissue packets. Dad gave me 2 bucks to give her, and when I handed her the money, I was knocked out by the look of joy on her face. She gave me a lifetime supply of tissure packets. But it wasn't the packets. it was the happiness, the pure unadulterated happiness.

Man, this is so cool.

Dhaniah got her prom frock ALREADY! Without waiting for me! Anyway if anybody would wait for me she would have to wait till the day before prom. I haven't decided what to wear. The usual floor length frock? Or my original full-length black and gold cheongsam idea? Or the flea market frock? Or Mom's wedding gown?

I do scrimp.

Well I was just thinking, am I changing? How come I'm not funny anymore? Well, that's not the only change. I realised that I have lost my voice and my touch for singing. But that doesn't bother me. I hate it when people think I'm just somebody who spends her whole life yapping operettas. I don't, you ignorant fools. Anyway I was just saying I lost my singing voice but I really don't care. I'm planning on taking up the cello someday. Perhaps after the GCSEs.

I also realise that I'm not bimbotic any more. I'm also not the sullen depressed person either. I guess I'm finally settling down and being normal. I've stopped listening to my unhealthy music (Iron Maiden, Marilyn Manson) and now listening to classical and new age. Currently I'm listening to Tibetan Chakras. Singing bowls and flute stuff. Mom is going off to Korea, I requested a pansori CD. Since I can't sing, it won't hurt to hear another person sing.

I've got a new penpal. His name is Calven Wong Yun, an 18yo guy from Zhanjiang, Guangdong. It's reassuring to find out he didn't die of SARS. His English is also much better than Matt Hollis, the Florida penpal from 2 years ago. Matt is enlisting for the U.S. Marine Corps in August. Hopefully he won't die.

I KNOW: how it is to be a double-extremist
I WANT: to be normal
I HAVE: a pair of breasts
I WISH: i wasn't born androgynous
I HATE: men and roaches
I FEAR: dark
I HEAR: voices
I SEARCH: for my real, normal identity and my gender
I WONDER: why is there a scar running down from my navel to my privates
I REGRET: whacking the teeth out of a little boy 7 years ago
I LOVE: william dafoe
I ACHE: occasionally, my breasts and the scar
I CARE: i don't care.
I ALWAYS: sit too long on the toilet bowl
I AM NOT: female. nor male.
I DANCE: ballet
I SING: opera
I CRY: in english
I FIGHT: with teeth and nails like a real woman
I WRITE: poetry, curses, fuck words etc
I WIN: feeling guilty
I LOSE: feeling regret
I CONFUSE: people who think they understand me
I LISTEN: and then resume the limelight
I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND: in the loos checking my gender
I NEED: to know
I AM HAPPY: when there's nobody around
I SHOULD HAVE: hecked with my studies and start my business

Renato Amoroso.

How you've grown! You've made me a dithering idiot.

I don't like you. You talk of big words and twirling sentences. It's pretentious and fake, because it screams of a big need to be different.

I don't like you. I don't like people who talk too much.

I would rather like him instead. He speaks to my soul like no one else can. He speaks with his paintings, like I speak my angst with mine. A picture tells a thousand words. He is my paint; I am the canvas. I lie naked allowing emotions to wash me crimson, azure, emerald, and at the end of the day I cover the beauty with my own paint.

Black.

I would rather love her because she makes me feel my ornery heart. But seeing her glory in his caresses gives me a crat taste in my mouth. Like black paint.

I don't like you.

Dear *******,

How are you over there? Are you being treated fine? It's been over year now. How time flies! I'm already 16 years old. I had a dream about you a few nights ago, I hope you are happy. I really miss you.

Things are rather fine with me. I've finally settled down and stopped acting like I'm on speed. I rather like being quiet and calm, it keeps me from a lot of trouble. I've also dropped most of my friends. Right now I only have one close friend, and her name is Dhaniah. You'll like her, she's nice and she controls my temper.

Right, I do still have my temper. I find it hard to stop my violence when I get angry. Just a few days ago I fought with Mama and I split a couple of my books when I threw it across my room. And today I nearly clawed Marie's eyes out and spat on her. But I'm learning to control my rage.

I never said this to you, but ever since you left, I realised something. I love you and I need you during this crucial years. If you had never left, you would've stopped me from making the mistakes I've made. You would've stopped me from becoming what I have become now. But Fate cannot be challenged. Maybe Fate wanted you to leave. Maybe Fate wanted me to learn from all the mistakes I've made.

I still cry when I think of you. But I'm starting to heal. And I'm now a great deal stronger than what I was before you left. People think I'm harsh and heartless, but I'm just trying to save myself from a lot of heartbreak.

You know what? I'm going to take your advice. I won't go into a relationship. Maybe when I'm older, I might find love, but that would be a long time. Right now, I have realised a relationship requires a lot of self-discipline, a lot of your personal space and a lot of time. The old saying "All you need is love" has been proven untrue. Of course there will be a lot of flings in the middle, but I'm not going to settle for one just yet.

Well, I guess that's all. I'm a lot wiser now, but still there's a lot to learn for this lonely heart. And I know you will always be at my side, won't you?

Wherever you are, God bless and thank you.

Love,
Me

Fuck you!

So I'm to be blamed for your current miserable state am I? So I told her to be done with you did I? So to salvage your last scraps of dignity you point your bony unpolished finger at me and proclaim me a scab that is to be removed at all costs did you?

Fuck you. From now on I'm swearing off the entire male gender. YOU SUCK! Damn your fucking pride! Damn all men that ever walked the planet and screw you! Why can't men take a few tips from women for a change? Men are stupid insipid clods with a headful of ego and jockstrap full of cotton wool.

So. Ouch, the ego has landed hasn't it? You can't take it can you? YOU ARE NOT A MAN!!

FUCK YOU!!!!!!

I am an edible kitten. Now lets never speak of this
again. **pretends to forget**


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Where is my chinaboy? Why doesn't he come out to see me anymore?

I think he likes Peng Peng. Why do people who are skinny and big-eyed get loved more by others? Because they can stab others with their joints and scare little kids with their bulbous gogs?

Herr Fuhrer has a haircut. Frau Fuhrer gone to spend money.

Josephine LaMarr has influenza.

Josephine LaMarr has a throat and lung infection.

But on the bright side, she can finally sing goth-metal. Voice all cracked and hoarse. And managed to imitate Schlong's I Feel Pretty to perfection. Gets a two-day holiday.

I am so tired these days. Chinese O-level is in less than 3 weeks time. I have two tests tomorrow, both of which I would definitely fail. Then I have to sing for some mini-concert in school. Not just any song, but "To Sir With Love" of all songs. FUCK FUCK FUCK. I wish I was as lucky as Dhaniah. She has everything, looks, talent, charm whatever. She doesn't have to work or anything because she'll definitely be rich and famous.

But for myself, I'll stick to my own devices. I'm going to study hard and do well (hopefully) and (hopefully) go into a Prison for Older Delinquents, (hopefully) Anglo-Chinese POD or Temasek POD. Then I'm going to (hopefully) take a degree on Business Administration (hopefully) in Harvard School of Business. Later I'm going to study to be a beautician and hairdresser. Then I'll ruthlessly find a rich husband (hopefully) and divorce him and use the alimony money to start my first makeover centre. When my business on local grounds takes off, I shall open a spa and branches to my makeover centre. When the money comes rolling in, I'll generously cut off the alimony and sail in my own money. I will definitely open three headquarters in Beijing, Shanghai and Tianjin. I will then venture in Seoul, Tokyo and Okinawa. I might put business into Bangkok, Kualar Lumpur and Jakarta. Then USA and Britain will get a hankering for this hot Asian business, so I shall oblige and open a centre in every American state and one in London. By then I'll be the richest Asian woman in the world!

Then that means I'm gonna have to fucking study for tomorrow's fucking tests.

I think I'm in lust with this China scholar in school. His skin is so white, like tofu, and he has this typical china-boy bowl haircut. Just thinking of huge red nail marks and whip welts on that white skin makes me shiver in excitement. But above all he is really nice, like his twin sister, but just too shy to talk to me.

Last thing I'm going to say is, FUCK THE MOSQUITO BITE ON MY ELBOW!!

Okay, first things first. Sorry Victor, I will not do that again.

FUCK.

This is the most fucked up day so far. I got accused of cheating, I failed a station from the fitness test, most probably failed my ting xie and biology practical test and I made Victor pissed out of a tiny harmless thing.

FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Laugh all you want, but my name is Josephine Victoria Goh and I'm not changing it.

Love bug is in the air! Everyone is falling in love like flies. Why, we might even hold a mass prison wedding together for all the afflicted inmates. Even Warden Chong is all gussied up today. She wore a blue top and her parting is 0.5 cm to the left of her usual. Prison Inspector Tan has some other Inspectors from other prisons to look at our ole Anderson Day Prison, and many wardens are off to lick their dinghy pongy boots.

I can't wait to finally complete my sentence in Anderson Day Prison. Our parole is shortened to 3 weeks in June. FUCK THE PRISON SYSTEM!!! I want to get my ass outta prison and hopefully, into a less fucked up prison. I hate being in jail, but aren't we all jailbirds?

I love Xi You Ji Hou Zuan. That Monkey God show. I think Sun Wu Kong is hot. And I'm really fucking glad Biyou is dead, because I'd much prefer Lianhua than Biyou. Fuck Ling'er, that lucky son of a bitch. I think Wu Tian is hot too, but I don't like his curtains of hair. I can go on watching Xi You Ji Hou Zuan forever. Yin Hui, that China scholar, says that the show is shit, and it is a disgrace to the broadcasting studio, which I think she said was the best in China. But I love the show, fucked up point of view or not.

I just don't like the way it mashes Buddhism and Taoism together.

Dad made me learn the ancient art of robe-folding so I can help him fold his Hai Qing buddhist robe. He said it would take at least an hour to learn, but obviously I've got fucking brains so I just followed the ancient art of kimono folding and folded the robe according to the sleeves and creases and folded it in 4 minutes. Then Dad said I cheated because I laid the robe on the ground and folded it and I was supposed to fold it standing up, so he unfolded the robe and folded it back again himself.

Yesterday was wicked. I got tipsy after half a bottle of hooch. My arm is still bruised from where Victor punched it. And it was really lucky that me and Dhaniah won the match 5-4 because we were broke. I decided that if we lost, I would pay for one ticket and not watch the movie. But we won so we managed to watch the movie. It was Anger Management starring Adam Sandler. I would very much prefer Johnny English, but Anger Management was funny too. Not my kind of funny though. I prefer watching the laugh-till-you-choke-on-your-tonsils movies.

I really want a kitten to raise! I want a little fat orange shorthair kitten that I can raise to a huge fat cat. I'm partial to grey and orange shorthair, but calico shorthair is fine too. But I don't like Persian or Siamese cats, because Persians shed too much hair and Siamese are too skinny. I don't like skinny things. However Mom hates things that move and are warm and furry. But what the fuck.

Who cares what she thinks anyway?

This time if I ever get a cat again, I'm going to mollycoddle it. Not going to kill it like I killed Mona, Vicky, Ningning, Kiki and Trampoline. But it wasn't my fault they died. Mom refused to let me bring them into the house and they ran away and got run over. She even refused to acknowledge them as my darlings. But now, if I get a cat, I'm going to put my foot down with a firm toe and keep it in my room.

So there.

I hate having my monthly affair. I feel so disgruntled and I feel my violent inclinations coming on. Well, I know I'm really into PMS because yesterday I just kept whacking Victor and Divian and Ching Lee. Why do PMS make me violent?

Went to East Coast Park today with Dhaniah. We skipped school and went across the nation just to stare at the beach and talk about things. I love being at the beach though. I wish I wasn't bleeding from one end of me today and I wish the weather wasn't so cold too, otherwise I would've put on my shorts and bikini top and pranced about the shore. But then everyone would see my pale chest and potbelly.

Somethings wrong.
Somethings not right.
I'm not swearing at all!
PMS does wonders to a person!
Fucking wonders!!

n i r v a n a . . . . . .

I'm not going to fucking apologise for not writing in a long time.

For dinner, ate a nourishing meal of fried fish fillet, coleslaw and pepper-doused chips from Long John Silver's. If Long John had a wife, would she be Long Joan? Ain't long johns spozed to be fucking pyjamas? Anyway after dinner me and Dhaniah wrote this song that sounded more nursery rhymish than punk. And it's titled "Black and Brown".

I am not going to sleep tonight, I will study for my Chinese Dictation and do my A-maths homework. I am going to make some coffee and prepare some painkillers later. After I complete my homework, it will probably be about 5 AM, so I might take a well-deserved nap until 6 AM. I might have to nap in class tomorrow, since I will be unable to nap afterschool. I am going out with Dhaniah and later practise how to hit a cock with a net.

I hate badminton.

My mother made me remove and discard my darling pillow stuffing. She has bought real pure cotton to stuff my pillow with, but she chickened out and I have to stuff my pillow case with two towels. I miss my synthetic cotton stuffing. Is it crying out alone, being shunned by plastic bottles and used sanitary pads? I feel so horrid! I am such a bad mother!

The fridge just died. It was rumbling and now it's silent.

Sisqo: You want me to stand against the wall and have balls flying at my face? Now I know how Christina Aguilera feels.

I don't know what to say about myself. I won't say I'm weird, since SO many people are claiming that they are weird, I feel normal. Fuck, I'm so pissed off with everybody. Espesh those W bitches in my life. Trying so hard to be 'individual' and 'different', they become poseurs. They try to talk cool and act like untouchables, then when they all get together, they act like brainless bimbos. No dignity at all. So eager to please the pricks so they can be popular.

Fuck the pussy Tuo Zhi. He's a HUGE HUGE HUGE poseur. So much of a poseur that he called the real breakers and skaters poseurs. He is so consumed with this Meoteorite Park or whatever fucking name show that he tries so hard to be one of the four long-haired humanoids featured. He even formed this group of fuckers called, what? A4!! WHAT THE FUCK. And he acts so superior to everyone else, like the A4 is the elite fraternity everyone looks up to (if you ask any Tomdickorharry, they wouldn't even know what the fuck is A4). I DON'T give a fuck. He's scared of me. I don't understand why the Funguses flirt with him so much when all he does is snub them and insult them. I don't like him and I make it known to all humanity.

Anyway enough of this disparaging talk about pricks and cunts. Went to get my trucks yesterday with the madfucks. Got a pair of shiny gold titan trucks. But if you ask me, all trucks look the same, except for the colour and price. Then went to explore different 7-11 stores to see if we could get any vodka. But Ching Lee was wearing his school uni, so despite flashing his HONG KONG IC, he wasn't successful. So we trekked to Carrefour and Victor and Divian bought three tonnes of bread and donuts. As I had already eaten my lunch with half the Funguses, I wasn't hungry. In fact, I was close to puking. But they made me take a donut, which I gobbled with teeny microscopic chomps. Then I couldn't eat anymore, so I gave Ching Lee a facial with the chocolate coating on it, then a vicious foot-to-shin combat. On the way home we made fuck faces at each other, and I demonstrated my Come Hither fuck face which somehow gave them the creeps. Ha.

When I got home, I was still so grossed out so I didn't eat dinner. There wasn't any dinner anyway. So I locked myself in my room and chained myself to my desk and....dozed off. Then I woke up and did some of my SARS homework. It was about 10 pm, and my stomach was doing a rain dance and my intestines a rap number. So I opened a can of tuna, doused it black pepper and ate it with leftover bread and a whole cucumber. When I was full, I went back to my room and did some English. Somehow, my feet led me to my bed, and I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, the lights were glaring and the clock said 5:21 AM.

Fuck.

So I went to school, got myself humiliated once or twice, humiliated others, bit off that fucker Tuo Zhi's head, came home, took a nap, watched Iron Chef (my fave!) and took another nap, and had dinner, watched Monkey King, showered, 20 minutes of homework and here I am typing this blog and printing my FUCKING CHINESE ONLINE HOMEWORK.

FUCK THIS WHOLE MISERABLE PLANET BECAUSE I WAS BORN A SHE-MALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had to wake up fucking early this morning to go out skating. Not that I can skate. But I think I lost some weight from all that running around. First we went to youth park which I think was fucking sexy (even saw an ugly woman modelling bikinis). Then we went to City Hall and irritated a lot of people. And it got fucking hot as the sun (Div's balls) rears its ugly head. So we got our asses down to some ulu place where we spent most our time. Why? Because it's ulu, empty, huge and air-conditioned. And the ground is really smooth. Then we proceeded to whip each other. I managed to learn how to put two feet on the deck and move continuously and turn left and right (it's still lousy though) and I went down this really gentle slope (but it's really scary [to me]). However I fell a lot of times and the worst was when the base of my spine hit the ground and my legs were all twisted.

I irritated everyone by doing my Irritating Laugh. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. We parked our asses in BK for lunch and Ching Lee that Bastard-who-Insulted-My-Blog went to use his "Cao Ji Hua Hua Gong Zi" skill to charm some girls into giving him their BK coupons. Victor slapped me out of no reason twice.

"If your right eye hurts you, poke it out." - Holy Bible
So, Div, chop off your left foot. The Bible says so.

Lastly, I'm going to say, Fuck the Galaxy and all its fucking planets and stars and fucking meoteorites and holes.

5 HOURS LATER...

Fuck my right leg hurts like hell. I'm going to chop that mofo off sooner or later. Bastard leg I shouldn't have given birth to you had I known your father that motherfucking sonovabitch would run away with that Taipei slut. Wait a minute, what the FUCK did I say that for?

I took a nap at 6 and my dad woke me up at 7 to prepare dinner. Damnation. See how hard life is for a girl? Have to pretend I'm a gentle ku-niang at home, prepare dinner, sit nicely and listen to Chinese pop music. What the fuck.

What the fuck.

WHAT THE FUCK.

Went to NTUC today to ward off boredom and to help Victor with his sudden craving for steak. And fed a lot of fucking mosquitos on the way since the mofo weather is so mofo.

Last night I was up till early dawn trying out my dollmaking skills. After long years of lack of practice, I must say I'm still pretty darn good at it. Look at this picture of the Friggletwits before they got married and had kids. It's Friggletwits, not Friggletits. Tits don't friggle, they jiggle, get it?



Last term during EFL Dhaniah and I were so bored of hearing that mealy-mouth gay talk, we decided to draw out a family. We created Spike and Moira Punk, and their children Sputnik and Mimi, and Spike's mother Harriet. Then our imagination led to Cassandra, Bella and Mortimer Goth, Kate and Nate Skate, Ben and Mary Mod etc etc. Our latest is Ling and Long Asian. Then we decided to call them Friggletwits because they live in Friggletwit Lane.

Aren't they so fucking cute?

Okay, now I've actually got readers for this blog, I better clean up my potty mouth.

The fuck I will.

Anyway, today the Day Prison sent me a bunch of homework to do through snail mail. I thought it was fucking quaint. It's sad to think that we're all on parole from Anderson Day Prison, then we have to report back next week. Fuck! Get me out of this hellhole fast! Then there's the Sports Carnival shit. A Prison Telematch with a fancy name. I don't want to be a cheerleader. I don't want to do anything. Fuck prison. Fuck Council. Fuck Warden Chongster. This year I'm going to give it a miss and go somewhere to vandalise things. Like a hospital. And I'll get Sars and be a super-infector and infect the whole prison. WHOOHOO~~ This is the fucking life, man.

Wally: Hey pipsqueak, cat still got your tongue?
Travis Barker: Hey dickweed, mom still got your balls?

Anyway when is Operation Drag Queen going to take place? I'm getting fucking bored of just sitting around at home.

Last night, or rather this morning, I was chatting with Victor online and then the topic turned to gays and assholes. I managed to convince him into doing something rather interesting. Narrow-minded Ws might think it's perverted and sick, but it's perfectly normal to me. I've done it before. If you want to know what the fuck I'm referring, ask me and I'll consider telling you.

And, the last thing I'm going to say is, Fuck the Universe. Fuck Earth, Fuck Mars, Fuck Mercury, Fuck Venus, Fuck Jupiter, Fuck Uranus, Fuck Neptune, Fuck Saturn and Fuck Pluto. And Fuck Mickey Mouse too since he comes with the package. And Fuck Minnie Mouse and Donald Duck and Daisy Duck and Goofy and......

I am so fucked up bored in this fucked up house. My mom is a bitch and a fucked up bitch at that. She keeps bragging about herself and when I was helping to cook dinner (Fuck! So much food for only four people), she asked me, "How many of your friends' mothers can cook as well as me?" I thought, fuck, even I can cook as well as her, and, fuck, I don't have that many friends too. I said, "All my friends' mothers can cook." Then she said, "But they either have a maid or they don't work. I am a resourcing department head." Then, when I didn't bother to reply to her shit, she continued, "I have to be a man and a woman at the same time. I work and drive you guys to school, then come home and clean the house and cook, whenever anything breaks I have to fix it, have to iron the clothes (FUCK!!! SHE DOES NOT DO THAT!!!) blah blah blah" At this point I walked out of the kitchen.
Then I had to go back into the kitchen to deep fry the fucking famosa (famosa. HA! Like as if there is not enough food on the table, I have cook something which no one ate). I got bored of frying those things and standing there and getting burnt by boiling oil, so I decided to prance around the kitchen. Then my biological female parent called me 'chor lor' and said, "That's what happens when you sit with boys too long." Fuck! What's wrong with her?!?!

I really wish I am a boy sometimes. I hate being stuck in the middle of boy and girl. Then on second thougts, it's better being in the middle. If I ever feel like wearing mascara, lip gloss or a dress, I can do so without people thinking, what's this fucking fag doing in drag?! I can gossip with Elaine and Dhaniah and bitch all I want and complain about cramps and periods and walk down Orchard Road in a sarong and bikini top and people won't think I'm acting in MTV Jackass.

The last thing I want to say is, Fuck the World. Fuck the War, Fuck the Sars, and Fuck YOU.

Dhaniah came over today and I gave her a makeover. I turned her into a Gorl! (Goth Girl) I used a combination of black and silver eyeshadow on her eyes and a combination of brown and purple on her mouth. The finishing touch was I gave her a headful of twisted dreads. It is easy making twisted dreads actually, but extremely messy. You put a shitload of shaving cream into your hair and twist sections into uh, twists. Then spray a shitload of hairspray to the roots to freeze it down. Apply a shitload of wax to the ends of your dreads to make them stay put. Then give your dreads a blowjob with the hairdryer. You got dreads now.

Visit Victor's site, it has a great layout. You can skip Chinglee's, it sucks.

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
We don't need no water
Let the mother fucker burn
Burn mother fucker, burn

Some fucker is burning some shit downstairs. What the fuck, it's making me go all woozy from inhaling the damn smoke. Bitch, call the fire brigade!

THE BIG NEWS: LESLIE CHEUNG COMMITTED SUICIDE IN HONG KONG

Oh My God.
My
God.

He killed himself! I can't believe it, this can't be true! I love his movies and I'll always do. Leslie, you'll always be in my heart. God bless your mortal soul.

The main highlight of the day was I met up with Victor and he gave me a bunch of VCDs. Fuck, these are some good shit! MTV Jackass and CKY. Nearly choked on my tonsils. WHAHAHAHAHA.

Is it white? Or is it black? Or is it a fear...
A fear of the dark...

Del, you sound like Mellissa. I suggest you cut that out because you sound like a bimbo with empty brain container.

I am so immensely irritated by Wyenu (name changed to protect privacy)!!! She talks like a real W and she keeps sucking up to me. What's wrong with you, woman? For example, I'll show you an excerpt from an MSN convo with her. (she's the one in bold)

iron maiden says:
i've got dandruff
wyenu says:
OMG!!!~
wyenu says:
your hair type also can haf one meh
iron maiden says:
everyone can have dandruff lah!!
wyenu says:
realLI ??? *cold real9isation*
iron maiden says:
duh
wyenu says:
dot dot dot
wyenu says:
how com
iron maiden says:
http://www.skinsite.com/info_dandruff.htm
wyenu says:
iC...

Who taught her to speak?

Funny Asian Man


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Kindergarten picture!
Me: Fifth lady from left
Zhi Hao: Cutie in tuxedo
Melvin: Third gentleman from left

What the hell is punk now? Everyone's mashing punk with skater, punk with rapper, skater with rapper, punk with goth, punk with emo. What happened to the original punk? What happened to mohawks and big hair?
Don't ask me what happened to my mohawk. It turned out an afro. *It grew out, so don't go about looking at my untrimmed mop*
Avril Lavigne is a poseur!! If she's a punk, then I'm Britney Spears. What's with her skater look? Skater ain't punk.
But what the heck.
Pass me the weed.

Reading those True Singapore Ghost Stories books under Wee Meng's desk has affected me. Now it reflects in my writing! I keep writing things about the supernatural in my essays!
I learnt something about the Children of God cult and the Rajineeshi cult. Well, I think they bastardized the meaning of love. What, sex at 12?? Incest?
But I somehow believe in the Raelians.
Brother said that our generation will be the last to die and the first to live forever. What with ClonAid and all this shit, I think I'm beginning to believe him.
Bernice introduced me to this guy called Jonathan. I think he is kinda funny. But still, I think I'm funnier than him. Want to get to know him better.
Hahehohaheheho.

You're A Bishoujo (Attractive Young Woman)!
You are loved by all, and you know it. You love
the attention you get, because or your sense of
style, and perfect face. Congrats.


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congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything.
You must be so proud


which happy bunny are you?
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Tomorrow is Jog-a -Boardwalk. What a fancy schmancy name for a simple cross-country.

A lot of things happened these few days. Chongster gives us pep talks everyday. She talked about her son today and the way she describes him, it's like a matchmaker describing a groom prospect. Like, as if we'd want to go out with a nerd like Little Chongster.
It's good sitting beside Wee Meng. All the attention is shifted to him, and beside him I'm like an angel. He's not bad actually. It's just that he doesn't try hard enough and his no-sweat attitude really pisses teachers off. He treats his girlfriend like a goddess. And yesterday, he helped me write my Chinese essay because he knew that I had to go for my performance and wouldn't have time to do the essay. So I really don't know why Chongster and Ma'am Hasniza always picks on him. Give the guy a break.
I think Keegan would be cute if his face weren't too long. Today he had this hilarious expression on his face which really really really makes him look like a horse!! *whinny* But then I always thought he has a bizzare taste. Maybe he's like Shallow Hal and can see inner beauty.
Bom chi bom bom bom bom chi bom bom bom bom chi....

My lungs are still shattered from PE today.

Me and Dhaniah will have our first live gig on Monday in the canteen at 1.30PM so don't forget to come and support us by donating generously to the school building fund! We will be impersonating celebrities and singing some of our original songs. Dhaniah will be playing her little guitar while I hit my little tambourine.
Sounds fun, eh?

My lungs are still shattered from PE today.

As usual, my Celest Chong lookalike friend Elaine has done it. Samuel, her filthy rich neighbour and our tuition classmate, asked her out for a Val-day date. Date? Phooey. A reservation for a table for two at a fancy schmancy restaurant is NOT an average date to me. But then to Elaine, I guess it's just the norm for her.
It sort of reminds me of the movie The Bachelor. Not the unrealistic Reality TV show; the Renee Zellweger one.
What did I do for Val-day? I went to the library with Victor. Okay, don't give me the "what-you-went-to-the-library-and-you-call-it-fun" speech because everyone and I really mean everyone said that. What's wrong? I think it's fun and besides not a single cent spent on unnecessary entertainment. But I really should warn others. If you are the boring type, don't go to the library. The library's for the adventurous type. You'll see what I mean.
This blog is so boring.

I dream a pile of shit
And ate a power socket
I licked the window grill
Pooka pooka pocket

I sat upon a finger
And sailed the dinghy sea
Far across the bathtub
I dream in Hawaii

Dreams, dream in Hawaii
I put on my flowery shirt
Dreams. dream in Hawaii
Babes are dropping grass skirts
I take a swig of Malibu
Hiked the way to Timbuktu
Cos I dream, dream in Hawaii

Today at tuition Elaine told me about her boyfriend. He dumped her, went out with a MGS girl, then dumped her, then went back to Elaine.
In my own words, that boy is a loser.
P.S. His name is Ian, so better beware.
P.S.S. The MGS girl is Rong Xing, she has a reputation for boyfriend stealing, so better beware too.
P.S.S.S Good thing I'm unattached.

I was so bored in Chongster's A-Maths class that I shaved my legs. Serious. You can't see it, but I was shaving quietly under the table.
I can't say who he is, so I'll call him W. W is a fat poser. He thinks he's cool and macho just because he is tech-savvy, or he lift weights, or he can play soccer like a pro. But he's just a fat poser who douses himself with deodorant.
He stinks.

And no, I'm not talking about YOU.

Do you sometimes suddenly like someone you used to like, but now you don't like? That happened to me. When I hear other girls talking about him, I suddenly feel odd, like, the boy WAS mine. Funny.
As Elaine (the SCGS one) would say, HECK IT LAH!
It's over. That was ages ago. I'm 16 now, I'm matured. I absolutely do NOT like him anymore. He's a wonderful friend, and I don't want our relationship threatened. Besides, who needs him, when I got another? :)
Pack your troubles in an old kit bag and smile, Smile, SMILE!!

I've saved $38 plus $20 stashed in underwear drawer for New Year shopping with Cousin Vicky next Saturday. Spent some money today because had to buy underwear for Ching Lee. Wahahaha...
Haha I have a 'little brother' in Sec One. His name is.......Joey!!! Haaa....I'm Joey, he's Joey. But then my full name is Josephine Victoria Wu. So he cannot be Josephine Victoria right?
Why do I ask stupid question?
Mom's birthday soon...what to get her? A scarf again? She just bought a $2000++ pashmina shawl, so scratch scarf. She has too many clothes. Shoes are too expensive since she only wears Bonia heels. Jewellery? I think not. Her latest piece is the really really expensive amethyst and diamond choker. Skin care? No. She just got the entire Clinique skincare line. Make up? No. I can't afford them Guerlian and Lancome. Of course there's Dad's plastic, but I'm going to try poverty for this year.
I think I'll get her fresh flowers from the supermarket then. Mom never got flowers in her whole life, so I think maybe a bunch of wildflowers would be good.
And cheap.

The first day of school starts of with a big, no, TWO big puffs of underarm hair. Sacre bleu and triple merde.